The thoughts are strong

[Kitty88]

When is it ok to say you've tried enough? When is it ok to cave in? The thoughts don't ease up lately they just get stronger. I feel so torn on what to do anymore. I'm so worn out but my heart is torn. When is enough, enough? I don't know what to do anymore

[Kitty88]

Farout it never gets any easier. I got out of hospital 3 weeks ago for psychotic depression and now today I find out I'm losing my baby. I am devastated, this baby gave me something to keep fighting for and now it's all been ripped away again. I done everything I could and it still wasn't enough. I am seriously cursed and don't belong in this world. My heart is hurting, I am exhausted.. when is enough, enough? When is it ok to draw the line? I am empty

[Sophie_M]

Hi Kitty88, 

Welcome back to the forums and to this warm and friendly community. We are so sorry to hear that you are feeling to exhausted and devestated at the moment. It sounds like you are going through an incredibly difficult situation. We want to thank you for being so brave and for sharing how you are feeling with us. It is such a courageous thing to do and we hope you can find some support here. 

We think that it would be useful for you to reach out to our phoneline as well so that you can talk about how you are feeling. You can always call Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 or you can call our friends at Lifeline on 13 11 14. They can help with strategies for now as well as where to get further support. 

If you prefer you can also try the webchat service here:
https://online.beyondblue.org.au/Webmodules/chat/InitialInformation.aspx

It is really important to remember that if you do not feel safe that this is an emergency and that you should call 000. 

Please feel free to update the forums on how you are going if you feel comfortable doing so. 

Kind regards, 
Sophie M

[Kitty88]

I'm just beyond breaking point, I don't know what to do anymore, I give up this life just never gets any easier.. I don't know what to do

[Sophie_M]

Hi Kitty88,

We are so sorry that you are feeling this low. It sounds like this is incredibly difficult for you to manage at the moment. We think that it would be great for you to reach out to the Beyond Blue team by calling 1300 22 4636. It could also be great to give Lifeline a call on 13 11 14.

We will also be getting in touch with you to make sure that you are ok as we can hear that you are in distress.

We hope that you can continue to reach out for support here. You are always welcome and we want to continue to support you.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Kitty88]

Thanks, things are just really hard I feel like I'm losing my mind. I caved to some of the thoughts I just wanted an escape, even if it was just for a moment, I wanted the pain to ease. Now I just feel like a failure! I don't know what I need anymore, I need a break, I need help, I need the pain to stop, I need something I just don't know what what it is I need or want anymore

[Sophie_M]

Hey Kitty,

Thanks for posting tonight,

We're sorry to hear how overwhelmed you feel at the moment. Please know you're not a failure but under a lot of emotional strain and this is a lot to handle. We hope our community can offer their kind words tonight and help brainstorm some ideas on what you can do to manage these painful emotions.

Have you heard of safety planning before? A safety plan can help in moments when you're feeling really overwhelmed and are having thoughts of self-harm or suicide. It puts all your coping tools in a series of steps:   

• Recognising your warning signs
• Making your surroundings safe
• Reminders of reasons to live
• Things that can make you feel strong
• People and places to connect with
• Family and friends you can talk or yarn with
• Professional support

You can learn more about safety planning and how to create one here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning

We'd like to let you know that our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we are worried about you.

We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

Please check in and let us know how you are whenever you feel up to it.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Kitty..

I’m so sorry your finding things really hard right now..

Those unhealthy thoughts Kitty are really hard to ignore sometimes..About the only way to stop them when they overwhelm you..is to try everything you can to distract yourself from thinking on them..and it’s very important that you try to...

Put on a song that you like and sing along with it...listen to an audio story...sleep stories are calming..but you must try as hard as you can to concentrate on the words been spoken....

Sophie has given you some great coping ideas to try...Please don’t hesitate to call the Beyond Blue 24/7 professional counsellors....They are there to help talk you through what’s happening to you....I have rung them and they are kind, caring and very understanding....They can help you..

No lovely Kitty, your not a failure at all...your a survivor...trying your best to manage your mental health...Can I ask you if you have talked to your Dr. about the way your feeling?....

I hope tonight gets a little easier for you..maybe Kitty...lay down and listen very deeply to some soft music, meditation or a sleep story,..and try to put your thoughts into those...

Here for you lovely Kitty..holding on to your hand with my care...

Grandy...

[therising]

Hi Kitty88

'I don't know what I need anymore'. It sounds like you do know...

'I need a break' from thinking or constantly mentally processing things 24/7

'I need help', when it comes to making sense of my thoughts and learning how to stop mentally processing 24/7, as it's thoroughly exhausting, overwhelming and mind, body and spirit altering (bringing my spirits down).

You need the pain to stop. Whether it's mental or physical, this is true. Life is not meant to be lived in a constant state of pain. The mind stays in a state of pain for a reason, as does the body. If no one is leading us to discover reasons, how can we hope to address these reasons and stop the pain? Has anyone led you to fully understand the reasons for all the pain, mental and physical?

'I need something I just don't know what what it is I need or want anymore'. Are your needs and wants the same now as they were at the start of your mental and physical challenges? Depressing unhelpful people can lead us to lose sight of our deep soulful needs and wants.

I'll touch on something you mentioned at the start of your last post. You feel like you're losing your mind. This may sound insane but I've gained much from losing my mind on occasion, my thinking mind. This is where meditation comes into play.

• If you've ever caught yourself daydreaming, this is naturally meditating on nothing (the skill of not thinking)
• If you can imagine eating something you love, that brings you joy, imagine seriously tasting it for the 1st time, becoming so involved in nothing but the taste. Close your eyes. How does it feel, to deeply meditate on the taste for the 1st time?
• How does it feel to meditate on a high energy song where you've ramped up the volume to the point where you can almost feel your neighbours' agitation? Would it make you feel like screaming? Would it lead you to feel angry or would you feel like dancing like a maniac? How would you vent through that song? How would you feel through the energy of that song?
• Is there something you love the touch of, where you find yourself meditating on the feel of that thing? If you don't have something like this, buy it
• Gift yourself a perfume you feel a difference through. Pick one based on how it leads you to feel (peace/calm, soulful, love etc) and meditate on it when you wear it. Aromatherapy meditation

Practice losing your mind, connecting to your senses. Beware, the thinking mind will always want to come back to thinking. It's a bugger to master.

🙂

[Kitty88]

I tried to distract, I tried to get professional help, I even tried seeing the Gp yesterday because I was desperate but they just don't seem to understand.

I can't catch a break no matter what I do. My head is a horrible place and the voices just keep getting louder, I can't escape them here. I'm seriously losing my mind

[Sophie_M]

Hey Kitty88,

We can hear how much pain you must be feeling right now, and it's so brave of you to keep reaching out despite how difficult it is. You've shown so much strength in seeing your GP yesterday, and we are so sorry to hear that they don't seem to understand. We want you to know what a valued community member you are, and being so proactive in finding support for yourself during this time is so important. We want you to know that we are here for you, and you're not alone in this, and we are currently reaching out to you privately as we are worried about you.

We'd also really encourage you to reach out to our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) and Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) during overwhelming moments like these, as the understanding counsellors are here to help support you through this. 

However, if you find yourself in a situation where you become an immediate danger to yourself, this is an emergency and it's really importantg that you call 000 straightaway.

We think that you're so strong and resilient Kitty88, and please know that we are all here for you.