I’m new and need to share.

[AccidentlyUncontrolled]

Hey guys,

I’m 20 years old and ever since I was 15 I’ve had medical issues. So bad that I’ve been in and out of hospital nearly every two months since them. They aren’t all linked and there’s a lot of them but I’m going to focus on the illness I have the most control over. My asthma. I was diagnosed two years ago and was told I’ve had it my whole life but as someone who did lots of good things for it in school it wasn’t an issue. If anyone else has asthma then you would know if your on the right preventer most of the time your gonna be fine. But I have had issues with the kind of attention you need to keep up with those things due to mental conditions that are still being diagnosed. So sometimes I miss it. If you’ve every been on every day medication and missed taking it one day doesn’t really make a difference a few do. But what happens if at that point I’m struggling so much and I feel like a waste of time and space. So why let myself get better if this is my mistake. But sometimes I feel like it’s cause I want to hurt cause everything is just so overwhelming that I go numb and I would do anything to find that pain again. This is the way in which I think I’ve come to self harm and even possibly be suicidal. But I don’t have any support either. My mum doesn’t deal with mental health and due to how often I’m in hospital she doesn’t really deal with the physical either. My dad id love to talk to but every time I freak out and hid his so mad and disappears that I know over wasted his time. My best friend in the whole world the only person I can be myself around. I no longer what to be around. I have a brother and sister who don’t talk to me. I just don’t see the point. They tell me to get better and move on but how can I do that when I know I’m gonna be in hospital again in a few months, away from work for a week all my sick days for the year gone in my first two months, showing me as unreliable. I am just so sick of falling down and now I feel like there’s no reason to get back up but my dog and that’s pretty sad right.

[Sophie_M]

Hey AccidentenlyUncontrolled,

A warm welcome to the Beyond Blue Forums,

We're sorry to hear how overwhelmed you feel and that you've been experiencing thoughts of suicide. Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need. We hope you know that there is always help available to you. Can we ask if you are you currently receiving mental health support? If not, we would urge that you do seek professional support to help you work through these thoughts that you're experiencing. If you are not sure of how to access mental health support, please contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport You might also like to get in touch with Kids Help Line. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under.

We've also sent a message to you privately as we're concerned about your wellbeing. We hope that you keep checking back in and let us know how you are going when you feel up to it. We're all here for you.

[Croix]

Dear AccidentlyUncontrolled~

Life has handed you a very hard row to hoe, and you do not get the support you really need either. It can make a person not only feel there is no hope, but angry too. Angry at the injustice, angry at the way your illness makes you take meds, and angry at yourself too (though I don't know why.

My wife had a fair few medical problems too, diabetes being one of them. It meant taking a small sample every few hours followed by an injection. So sometimes she would rebel, not take a sample, not take her medication and binge on lollies -the result was never good and she'd be in despair she had been (in her eyes) so silly and brought on an attack.

I on the other hand thought it remarkable she broke out so few times, her regime was painful and exacting and permanent. She always got back on track, though she had me to help, and enjoyed good times. I know you have it tougher.

The fact you stop your meds is understandable, you are human. Try to be kinder to yourself and see the triumph there has been in taking them for as long as you did, and know that sort of determination is a strength -you are more than worth preserving -don't let you anger at yourself and the world stop you.

If you have a friend that is gold -and something you richly deserve.. Please do not throw that away. Apart from your own welfare think that your freind is human, has feelings and needs too.

I'd like it if we could talk some more

Croix

[Isabella_]

Hi there,

I'm really sorry to hear that you don't have support from your family to help you through what you're going through. Having health issues is extremely taxing both physically and mentally, and unfortunately, the mental health aspect of this is often ignored.

As Sophie has said, this is a place you can come to to vent anything you need to, free of judgement and with open arms. You are valid for feeling depressed, insecure, lonely, and you are allowed to be those things. I hear you and believe your pain.

I understand that you are overwhelmed and have thoughts on giving up, and that you feel some comfort and feeling hurt. But as Croix has said - don't let your anger or disappointment in yourself and the people around you stop you from getting better. You are required to have a lot of strength to deal with all of these issues on your own, and that is unimaginably difficult to have that weight. I'm really glad to hear that you have a best friend to help you through this, and just know that this is the love that you're deserving of.

Are you currently speaking to therapist about your mental health? If so, how are you finding it?

You're only human. You can only hold the weight of dealing with things in isolation for so long before things start to escalate. I'm proud of you for acknowledging what you're feeling and taking the step to share it with us here.

I hope you keep us updated.

If you're feeling that you're suicidal thoughts or thoughts of self harm are getting overwhelming for you, please contact the services suggested by Sophie. Lifeline also has their crisis line, and you can use their text service if you aren't comfortable talking to someone on the phone.