Tell us your thoughts - What's kept or keeping you here?

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi everyone,

This is not an easy thread to make but I'm doing it because I think it's important.

I can see that you're all hurting and I know because I'm hurting too. Right now I'm in an easier place but it wasn't that long ago where I wasn't. Often we can find lots of reasons why we don't want to be here, and very few reasons that we do. So I'm making this post to bring everyone together to either find reasons to stay or show me why you've stayed. I don't care whether they are small or big reasons. They are reasons.

Please feel free to post below because I want to hear yours, and I want this to be a thread where people who come here can grab onto a reason too.

The reasons why I chose to stay -

- My dogs.

- Planning to die was very complicated.

- I wanted to hold on just in case things got a little bit better.

and now, I'm glad that I stayed. Please know that while suicide will end the pain, it will end your life too - so you'll say goodbye to any opportunities that things might get better. Opportunities for laughter, joy and beautiful memories. Sometimes it's about staying with the pain and finding other ways to let go of it without saying goodbye to our life.

[Guest_1584]

l treated myself to a new Kayak, so l can't wait now to do some kayaking as apposed to my canoe. l'm also setting the car up for camping and l wanna try getting away on the wkends a bit and to hell with life work and all the things l have to get through.

Really , they're are about the only things right now but they are really keeping me keeping on and looking forward to something for once . l work at home and don't socialize much , and l have a lot going on , way too much , but it's all based around home and it's all based on just lifes bs and have to do's and things l need to push and force myself to do an to keep going with, and to cope with.

Soooo, l really hoping having something l actually want to do, look forward too , gets me away from everything else , just helps and gives me some enjoyment again instead of drudgery , we see l suppose. lf l can't enjoy at least something right now then what's the point of all the other bs.

rx

[Annewithan-e]

Not much tbh

[Sophie_M]

Hey Anne(withan-e),

We can hear you're having a really difficult time. We're glad you could take such a strong and brave action in sharing it here. Please know that we're here and this community is also here for you,

It’s really important that you are kind to yourself, and keep yourself safe. It also sounds like the Beyond Now suicide safety planning app may be a helpful resource to you. You can read about how it works and where to download it here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning . You can even call Lifeline on 13 11 14 and compete it together with one of their counsellors over the phone.

We can hear you might not feel like talking with a counsellor online, so please remember we're at the end of the phone on 1300 22 4636, and so are our friends at Lifeline, and at the Suicide Callback Service (1300 659 467).

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

[Doolhof]

Recently I hit a really rough spot and wondered why I am here.

Thankfully I am coping better now. I am trying to find the strength to move on.

I know there will be more moments of despair and struggle in my life. I need to use this time to help ground myself, to re-learn techniques and use copying strategies.

I read a quote that stated "You are not stuck where you are unless you choose to be stuck" . Part of me agrees with that and part of me questions it.

The times when depression hits extremely hard, there are moments where any action seems difficult if not impossible. Sometimes being stuck for a moment is actually safe, as it gives my mind time to rest so I can then move on.

To all of you who are struggling and feeling stuck. Sit for a moment. Consider one thing you can do to help yourself right now. Then try and think of something else. If you have the strength, try and put those thoughts into action.

One step at a time.

[Emo]

Hi Everyone,

I hope everyone who posts on here realises just how special they truly are. For not only opening up and sharing their thoughts but also for being such a great support for others who are struggling to find reasons to live. I believe that you truly do save lives.

I'm trying to use positive thinking but I'm so very deep down in my cycle of hatred and self loathing that I'm not sure if I can escape my dark thoughts.  

There are so many other things wrong but I don't want to upset anyone with the graphic details. I know I don't care about what happens to me anymore.

Regards,

Emo.

[Dazk]

im not doing ok, my anxiety depression and ptsd are running rampant , i am tyring my best to get on top of it , but its nearly impossible. I recently arrived back after many years overseas, and had to leave my kids and return due to a divorce and just not feeling safe around my ex wife. i was planning to move to WA but the lockdown got me stuck in Victoria since , and i pretty much dont leave my room . My ptsd took off , after i did not realise the danger of talking about a past trauma and subsequently it triggered a range of responses which led to the breakdown of my closest friendship, i was so embarrassed and humiliated by my behaviour that im now feeling myself sink....one part of me wants to stop it, another part says let it go...you aint worth shit anyway. The worst part of all of this is i was actually traumatised in PTSD treatment by a phsyc and since then i have never trusted any medical professionals ...i avoid drs like the plague even though i deal with serious pain issues. I feel like im in a corner with no way out ...the only thing saving me at the moment is the love for my kids , but im sure thats going to reverse eventually

[Sophie_M]

Dear Dazk, 

Welcome to our friendly online community, we are so glad you decided to join us here.

We are so sorry to hear that your anxiety, depression and PTSD are running rampant at the moment, and that you're experiencing serious pain issues. That is a lot to deal with. 

Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need. 

If things become too distressing and overwhelming for you, please remember that here are always crisis support services available such as at Lifeline (13 11 14), Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467), or emergency services (000 – Triple zero) if you find yourself to be in immediate danger.

Please continue to post as you see fit. We're always here to listen! 

[tumbleweed8]

I have been deeply affected and pushed to suicidal thoughts as well as some other things because of certain people in my life.

These people sometimes enjoy saying things about me which I do not enjoy hearing.

I stay to prove them wrong. I stay so that one day, when I have a happy life, I will have the ability to shut those people out of it.

[Croix]

Dear tumbleweed8~

Welcome here to the Forum, it's a good place to come to and as you have seen from this thread there are others who have been badly treated and pushed too far. Having such hard times makes both for understanding, and most often a desire to help others in the same sort of situation.

So you are among friends.

It is a terrible thing to by put down, held in low regard or sneered at by others. It's even worse if it is family or friends, becuse it it is just those people oyu would expect support and understanding from.

I'm glad you are gong to stick around, though there really is no need to prove yourself to them, if they were worth proving to they would not say the things they did.

I would like to know more about you and your circumstances as I and others would like to talk about your problems and give our own accounts of where we've been. Without that we can only give more general tips, and you deserve better than that.

So a couple of thngs, the first being if you feel overwhelmed or frightened of whay you might do then call someone

There's the Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800) if you are under 25. They have chat as well as phone on

https://kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling

If that's not OK then the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) would be my own next choice, they too have web chat if you do not want to talk voice to voice

https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/phone-and-online-counselling/

They can both be a real comfort to talk/chat with and are sensible, experienced and very useful

A third thing -sorry about the long list -is that to get the best out of this Forum it is a big help if you have your own thread where people can notice you and message you -this thread is very general and packed with others so it's harder to see you

To make your own thread you can look at the instructions here:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/permalink/qowFFnHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

Any hassles please sing out here

Croix

Can I ask if you have considered getting medical assistance? I kept on going down until I had competent medical help, then that started me back to a better time. It can start wiht the Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800) if you are under 25 -they have a chat line too, or by a visit to a GP, setting ou

[Guest_1643]

Hi tumbleweed

Unfortunately there are some cruel, abusive, and dangerous ppl out there

Can u distance urself from them at all physically? Hope u are okay, I know what u mean about staying to prove ppl wrong.

When ppl harm us, we feel so broken, but some parts of us, our survival instinct, can still shine bright when all else feels dark.