Tell us your thoughts - What's kept or keeping you here?

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi everyone,

This is not an easy thread to make but I'm doing it because I think it's important.

I can see that you're all hurting and I know because I'm hurting too. Right now I'm in an easier place but it wasn't that long ago where I wasn't. Often we can find lots of reasons why we don't want to be here, and very few reasons that we do. So I'm making this post to bring everyone together to either find reasons to stay or show me why you've stayed. I don't care whether they are small or big reasons. They are reasons.

Please feel free to post below because I want to hear yours, and I want this to be a thread where people who come here can grab onto a reason too.

The reasons why I chose to stay -

- My dogs.

- Planning to die was very complicated.

- I wanted to hold on just in case things got a little bit better.

and now, I'm glad that I stayed. Please know that while suicide will end the pain, it will end your life too - so you'll say goodbye to any opportunities that things might get better. Opportunities for laughter, joy and beautiful memories. Sometimes it's about staying with the pain and finding other ways to let go of it without saying goodbye to our life.

[Guest_1055]

Hello Daisy...

I am wondering why you ask these questions. Perhaps you feel the same.? Anyway they are good questions. Questions that are making me think quite deeply.

I think I have felt like I only exist most of my life. So not fully experiencing life. Almost like a dream state. In fact one of the first threads I started on here was titled something like “ when will I ever wake up”

The times I have felt “ alive” or engaged in life, are like just a few moments on any random day. But not every single day.

Mmm I am really thinking why this happens now.. I think there are a few things that help me feel alive. One would be I feel connected to another human. This mostly happens with my sister. I know that she loves me no matter what . Emotional connectness I guess. Another would be I eat healthy and exercise and get quality sleep. If I don’t then I feel foggy in the head and not really with it. Maybe vague. Eating anything with refined sugar especially causes me to feel vague.

Being inside too much, away from fresh air, sunshine, creation like flowers, trees, running water.

Thankyou so much for your questions Daisy as I have never really thought deeply about what makes me feel “ alive”.

I think forgiving others including yourself helps too. Helps by removing bitterness and anger towards others and yourself. If I have these awful emotions in me, I tend to switch off somehow. Rejection by others is something that hurts. So I need to forgive, because otherwise I switch off myself from this feeling also. That is a painful feeling and I do not what to feel it. So I can feel when I sort of start becoming detached from myself. Thus feeling like only existing ( if I really was living that I would have to feel this emotion)

I have no idea if what I am saying is clear... as my brain is muddled.

[Downhill_daisy]

Thanks for replying Shelly anne

i ask my questions because I try to make sense of what I'm experiencing. I too feel so disconnected from this world. It must be so good to have that close connection with your sister, and the ability to gain clarity from nature. Yes, you are right, forgiveness is important. I wish I could "switch off myself" from the guilt and anger I carry towards myself.

Not sure what else to say. Hate feeling like a burden. But just looking for some commonalities, someone who climbed out of the guilt trap and chose to live, and returned to that place where you actually exist amongst others.

Now I'm probably making no sense.

[Downhill_daisy]

Sorry for my last post. I've seemed to have stilted that conversation! Please ignore my post (pity it can't be removed) and carry on - it is a good topic.

what's keeping you here?

[Ggrand]

Hello Daisy,

You have nothing to be sorry about, so please don't be feeling sorry...😢...like a lot of threads this one can sit idle for a few days then take off again..I hope you are feeling okay today..

I hope your day is is a better day then yesterday..

Kind thoughts and caring hugs🤗..🌹.

grandy..

[Downhill_daisy]

Thank you Grandy

It's ok. It just that I've realised that posting here is likely to cause more harm to others......and I've done well and truly enough of that. Not after sympathy either.

It's all good. Have a greta day,

[Evoleht95]

My loved ones. I cant stand to think of causing them pain.. especially my younger sister, she has also suffered from depression and i need to protect her.

[Maya-D]

I typed a few times here and deleted it because I just dont know....
I feel stuck, Im here because of my fiance and my parents whom I dont get to see much are the ones I hang around for. I still have hope but I feel broken and numb.
Please come to my thread: I look back and all I see is broken pieces.
All I need right now is trust, support and love ❤️

[Guest_1055]

Hello Daisy... no I don’t think you stilted it. Please don’t feel discouraged. Sometimes it takes me a while to comprehend what others say... my brain just gets muddled.

For me that disconnected feeling is awful and it cause me to feel very alone. But I did not always feel connected to my sister. I think somehow I just learnt to let her in to my world little by little.

Mmmm I am unsure why you feel guilt. I do hope I have picked up on your meaning. But I think when you can learn to forgive yourself for whatever, it helps a lot. You are sort of letting yourself of the hook and not beating yourself up by whatever it was that you may feel guilty about.

Do you have your own thread Daisy? Maybe we can correspond in there? Just so you are aware though , I may not answer you straight away, as I may be struggling myself and are unable. And I try to limit myself on Beyond Blue because I can easily become addicted to it. But I come on here every few days for a little while.

I have no idea if you will read this, but I am interested to know more about your feeling of not being connected.

Shell

[Downhill_daisy]

Hey Shell

disconnected - for me it's like I'm watching the world happen around me, but I'm not part of it. I'm an onlooker. I'm viewing the world as an outsider. And it's feels like what I'm viewing, that is, that all the people before my eyes are actually living fake, contrived, pretend lives, where happiness is really a made-up pretend occurrence. I feel as though it all a farce and I'd rather not play a part in it at all. I wake up, drink tea, watch the world go by, go to bed, try to sleep and the do it all again. And again...... and again...... no real purpose.

[Guest_1055]

Hey Daisy.... I am trying to imagine what it is like for you. And I get that you perhaps feel real alone as well. Oh I wish I could help you more. I use to feel like an island and that I could not connect with another person. And also that I was living behind this huge and thick wall. Like you an onlooker. Just sitting behind my see through wall, which I could see other people on the other side. Also I did not know how to love anybody else. It was like my heart just did not touch any body else’s.

I have read other people words..: they say there life is a bit like a movie, so maybe that is similar to you. Like all other people in your life are just acting and it’s not real.

This may sound weird and you may not read it much on here. But how is your physical health? I ask this because I use to eat tons of processed foods, sugar, take aways and other junk. But since these things are removed now, the way I see life is a little different. I do not feel so out of it, maybe more alive. I do not know the all the science behind this.... but I am beginning to wonder if the food we choose to eat affects our brains in some way. My head is so much more clearer. I wish I could describe it more to you.

Shell