Surviving suicide

[Sam_p]

Hi I’m a survivor of suicide. I wanted to share my story so here goes. I have had depression and anxiety for most of my life due to trauma from when I was young. Unfortunately this dictates a lot of what I can and can’t do in my daily life. This all lead to the breakdown of my marriage. I know now that I put a huge strain on my wife and for that I will allow feel guilty.

after my marriage ended I entered the darkest depressive episode of my life. I lost hope and the will to continue. I spent most of my time in bed because I could not see any reason to leave it. This went on for a month. At this point I tried to end my life.

I felt awful both in my body and mind. I was so full of anger that it hadn’t worked. I don’t know what happened to prompt me to call my friend but that’s what I did next. I broke down on the phone to him.

I’m still in hospital today as I write this. After I got through emergency I was taken to the psych ward. It took me a few days to open up to the team here but I have been following there process and I can feel myself getting better. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring and I’m scared of going back out into the world but I’m learning to cope. Today I felt brave enough to write down my story and share it with you. I will take that as a win.

I’m still here I have a way to go but I’m still here.

[jaz28]

Hi Sam,

I am so SO glad you are still here. I am sorry you have been through so much but I am glad you are feeling somewhat optimistic about the future and a second chance of sorts (if you want to call it that).

Sometimes we have to reach our lowest, darkest point to bounce back up again, and the high of that bounce can be super empowering. Recovery is never linear, and good days and bad days will come, and like you said - you have a way to go but you WILL get there and you are still here.

The forum champs are here if you need them throughout your journey so please do not hesitate to reach out. I hope you recover as smoothly as possible.

jaz xx

[Sophie_M]

Hi Sam p,

Thank you for your bravery and openness in sharing here. We think sharing this here is an amazing action to have taken. 

We’ve reached out to you privately to check in and thank you for sharing with the community here. We can hear you have a team around who you've been able to talk to, but just so that you're aware we're here if you ever need someone to talk to. Our lovely counsellors are available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 and online, and if you ever feel unsafe or unable to act on thoughts of suicide or self-harm, the number to call is 000.

As you may already know from Jaz's lovely message, this is a really amazing community. It’s so good that you’ve been able to share your experience with us, and that you've been able to open up to the team around you. It’s a powerful and brave step, and you never know who might be reading this and feeling less alone because of it. 

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Grommet]

I’m hearing you mate,my ex abused me in every way which resulted in me making two attempts over a few months and still nothing.I sleep on a mattress at my equally abusive mothers place, and have decided to fight for my children whom I miss so much.
I even took myself off my chronic pain medication because my ex constantly called me a junkie for taking it. She told me to kill myself a lot and when I tried she placed a intervention order on me. Can’t see or speak to my kids. I’m also facing a large amount of jail time. Please Lord give me the tools to sort my life out.

[geoff]

Hello All, when we suddenly make this decisive choice, may be we had thought about doing it many times, but never carried through with it, until one day there's this sudden impulse to try and end this pain.

When you return to your life you have to try and make new changes to how you were doing things before, because if you go back to what you were doing then your thoughts may remain the same, that's what we don't want.

You have a life which is troubled and to try and alter this, then your perspective in life needs to differ from what you have been doing.

Our best wishes.

Geoff.

[A little step forward]

Hi Geoff,

everything you said is so true. Thank you. I’m leaving hospital tomorrow. It has helped me tremendously. I still have a long way to go. I won’t lie I’m scared of falling down again.

I don’t know yet what my new life will look like but today at least I feel the beginnings of hope. I truly hope that I can keep moving forwards. I feel proud of myself for the steps I have taken to get better.

I hope my story can help others and to anyone who reads this please know that there is help out there, it may be hard to seek it out but it works I’m living prof of that.

[geoff]

Hello A little step forward, now that you are leaving hospital today may seem as though 'you're leaving your security blanket', may be or not, but the first thing you need to try and do, is not go back to what you were doing before your hospital visit, because if you do this, then you're back to square one, so if I can suggest you change when you go to bed and when you hop up, this may be difficult to achieve but try and persevere, because changing your routine starts at the basics to try and accept that this change is totally acceptable for you.

Try and stay away from what has previously made you feel this way, we're here for you.

Geoff.