Hi Chris
Your parents sound seriously mind altering, especially your dad. I hope your dad doesn't alter your mind out of recognising all the hard work you've done to get to this point. I know it's easier said than done but try not to let him lead you to doubt your self, a self who has been working full time to stay alive.
Unless someone's experienced the depths of depression, they can't fully relate to how working to stay alive can feel like a full time job. While you can be going out to do paid work, while you can be working on the basic functions in life (showering, eating etc), you can be doing it all while working full time on managing your mental health. It can be exhausting. Add to that, exhausting people who prefer to suck the life/energy out of you rather than breathe life/energy into you.
It sounds like your dad has finally forced disappointment. I think we can appoint our parents a lot of roles in life and they can gradually dis-appointment themselves from some of those roles. When a parent says, in so many words, 'I dis-appoint myself from every role or expectation you have of me or have ever had of me', this can generate a lot of grief. I'm glad, in the lead up to this, you've managed to establish supportive connections with people who'll make a difference to how you go on to raise yourself beyond where you are right now. I've found there's nothing quite like having 'go to' people who hold a clear vision (of the future) for us when we don't feel like we have that clear vision for our self at times.
You could say that any alarm can be a wake up call, whether it's a phone or clock radio alarm or a car alarm. Do you feel the car alarm has woken you up to something? Has it woken you up to a constructive perspective, even if that perspective feels deeply challenging right now? Has it woken you up to a new start, in deeply challenging times? Has it woken you up to how well you've done in managing to get through the darkest parts of depression under the most challenging of circumstances? You're doing a truly incredible job under the circumstances.
Do you feel it's time to speak to your counselors/mental health support team about this new development, including the need to find accommodation? I imagine they'd offer you the best support and some ideas to consider (including further contacts), regarding the way forward from here. At a new stage of our life, often it's new ideas which are most needed.
