Hi Chris
It's brutal when no one appears to care in the ways we really need them to care at times. Then there can be that horrible internal dialogue, on top of that, which can go a little like 'You should be grateful for what you have and what everyone does for you. You're so ungrateful'. Its not as though we're not grateful, the fact of the matter sometimes is we need more, especially during the darker times or the times when we're so lost we could just scream.
I think we can try and convince our self 'This should be enough' but still be left thinking 'Why doesn't it feel enough? What's wrong with me?'. It's like you can have a roof over your head, perhaps a car to get around in, some caring people around you and it just doesn't feel enough. Maybe it's a matter of all these factors support me in some way, which I'm deeply grateful for, but they just don't feed my soul. Malnourishment or a lack of fuel for the soul is definitely depressing. A lack of inspiration, the kind you can really feel, can become so depressing.
Was saying to my sister just yesterday something along the lines of 'The lack of forward momentum I'm experiencing right now feels like I'm trying to accelarate with the handbrake on. No matter how much I want to move forward, if I can't pick exactly what that handbrake factor is I'm just not going to get out of this funk'. For me, I know that not being able to get out of it is going to lead to a period of depression, which helps explain why I'm desperate to find drive. Actually, in talking to you, I've just realised it's not a handbrake thing, I'm bogged. And what do people typically do when they're literally bogged and can't get their car out of that muck? They rely on assistance from others. I think sometimes it feels like people have shown up and they're all acknowledging we're bogged down by a number of factors in life but no one seems to be coming up with any solid ideas or actions for getting us out. Sometimes it feels like we've got people (in that stuck car scenario) saying 'You should be grateful for the car, grateful for the road trip you're on, grateful for the money with which to take the trip, grateful for your health and the good weather but, at the end of the day, it doesn't change the fact we're stuck and can't get out of what we're stuck in.
