Hi Chris
Always interesting when a new part of us comes to life. Sounds like maybe your self respecting aspect is coming to life a lot more these days, dictating 'You are not to blame for everything'. Was your dad ever advised to manage his stress levels in more productive ways? If he was and he ignored doing this, is such ignorance his fault or your yours?
I've found the 'being 2 minds factor' to be incredibly challenging at times. You can have the part of you that dictates 'You can't keep tolerating this person's behaviour', for example, and then another part of you eventually pipes up dictating 'You really need to help them and be more patient/tolerant towards them'. I find it's helped me to kind of label the 2 minds so that I can identify them better when they come up. While you could say 'You can't keep tolerating this person's behaviour' could be seen as coming from a self preserving or self respecting or constructively intolerant part of us, 'You really need to help them...' could be seen as coming from the natural carer in us. It's the nature of the carer in us to care, no matter what, no matter the abuse we cop in the process. So shutting the carer down for constructive reasons can sometimes becomes the challenge. You know you've managed to achieve this when what comes to mind is 'I could not care less'.
Channeling the challenger in us a little more can be triggering for a lot of the people around us, especially if they're not used to being challenged. Whether you challenge your mum is your choice. That challenging part of us is typically a questioner, for example, 'How is this my fault? How has he come to not manage his anger or frustration in more constructive ways? What responsibility does he take in that? How could you believe me being told repeatedly 'You're a mistake and I wish you were never born' was going to inspire me or take me out of depression or improve the relationship I have with him? I challenge you to answer all of these questions, as opposed to dismissing them'. I've often found what stops the challenger in me from coming to life more is based on 'What have I got to lose?'. It can often be a fear based question. Will I lose a sense of peace in my household? Will I lose having somewhere to live? Will I lose things that offer me a degree of safety and comfort, such as some financial support? If I challenge my boss, am I prepared to lose my job? Etc. There can be many factors that stop us from channeling the challenger in us.
