Suicidal constantly

[Chris_Tas]

Hi all.

Like others I think of suicide basically constantly.

It's like a someone whispering in me ear that I can't stop as my life otherwise is (mostly) ok.

I told my parents again but they just said Im an attention seeker that using it as an excuse not to work.

That is far from the trust as when I tell them I'm suicidal they laugh and then get angry.

It's so difficult as it makes my suicidal thoughts worse but they seem completely oblivious.

Anyway stay safe all.

Chris

[Sophie_M]

Hey Chris, 

We're so sorry for your loss, thank you for sharing that with this community and letting us know what's happened. That's such sad news, we hope you're ok. 

We're really glad you reached out, and that we were able to connect with you privately to offer some support. We hope you know we're here whenever you need to talk it through.

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

[Petal22]

Hi Chris Tas,

Im so sorry for your loss.

Please know we are here to support you as a community.

[therising]

Hi Chris

Feeling great sorrow for you, him and others who were close to him.

Depression is such cruel, exhausting and life threatening battle. It's horrible Chris, especially when you're left to wonder whether you could have made a difference to another with your support, compassion and words. You know, yourself, how unbearable it can all get, how life threatening depression can be at times when it's at its worst. I can relate to how painful such wondering can become, wondering about what we could have said, wondering why a friend didn't reach out. You can easily start to beat yourself up.

I'm glad you're feeling safe right now. If things start to play on your mind, shifting your thoughts and internal dialogue in a seriously challenging direction, reach out asap. Any time you wish to share your grief, we're here for you.

My heart goes out to you Chris.

[Croix]

Dear Chris_Tas~

I hope you don't mind me popping in for a moment, your having a mate there reminded me things I've been though, actually I was at one time on the ward myself with my mate and can think back on us in there together.

So there is a big hole in your life, and it is only natural to wonder if one could have done more, or been more inviting so he did phone you. Sadly as you know yourself when really overwhelmed there is no room for thoughts of mates, or of calling them.

I guss despite that wondering there might be something else to think on. And that is what effect you had on your mate's life while he was around. I know in a psych ward - or even before going htere - even little things can mean a lot. I had my mate and one good psych nurse and that was it. So what we said together made a big difference.

I'd imagine you have done good. Being an understanding mate due to your own experiences, chatting and talking, even sometimes a laugh maybe. That sort of comfort is so imortant. It can ease a person's burden, even if only for a while.

So who knows, you may have done more good than you know - what do you think?

Croix

[Chris_Tas]

Thank you all.

At this time i won't reply individually.

However every person is highly valued by me, and frankly, thank you.

Chris

[Chris_Tas]

My Panther (aka big black Greyhound) decided to rip off his bandages.

Thanks Buddy.....needed to be redone but stitches not too badly affected.

He is much happier with new dressing so who knows as dogs can't speak hey, I love him.......

[Chris_Tas]

"Million Paws Walk" here on Sunday.

Buddy thinks he can walk a million Ks.....unfortunately he has an amputed toe.

Terry would love it but then again, he's extremely calm......other dog owners shouldn't own them.

[Chris_Tas]

New one tonight.

Thought I'd make conversation with Dad who doesn't communicate much anymore as so miserable. (noone knows why)

So I tell the story from news as my mates found it funny and response.....

....."if I was the slightest bit interested in anything you had to say I'd tell you, and this conversation wouldn't even be happening if you weren't born as an accident to start with".

(I was an accident in terms of prior two children planned I wasn't)

Great to hear hey, not toxic or hurtful at all.

[Centaured]

I'm sorry he said that to you Chris. No deserves to be told they are and an accident or mistake. Your father is a toxic person who is caught up in his own depression and sadness and who knows what else. It's not on you at all.

Please know that you matter in this world and are important and I see you wanting to help others who have been where you have. Don't give up on your fight to see it a better world. You have a light people need to see and I'm sorry your father doesn't see it.

[therising]

Hi Chris

You can't say you don't try. I find you seriously impressive actually, given how much you do try with your dad. Not sure I'd have your ability. I think I'd be too intolerant. I wasn't always this way. I used to be so careful with how I spoke with people. They could treat me rather poorly and I'd just cop it, so as not to rock the boat. Even if I felt myself becoming really down, based on other people's behaviour toward me, I'd do my best to manage 'down', while trying to figure out what was 'wrong' with me. Btw, there was nothing wrong with me. As a person who's sensitive to depressing people, I was actually doing my best with some pretty non existent self esteem. I'm managing to develop greater self respect and self love these days. We gotta break some old habits in order to achieve these things. The habit of listening to people who are full of poop is a habit worth breaking. When people speak poop, things can get messy 🙂 Hope I got a smile out of you.

Chris, 'accident' is your dad's interpretation of things and, in my opinion, he's way off the mark. You're not an 'accident' Chris and neither am I. By the time I came along, the last of 3 kids, my parents had lost a lot of love for each other. Obviously there was still some attraction otherwise I wouldn't be here but, overall, I'd be shocked if I was planned in any way. I'm me, a product of a bit of passion. Was I a 'mistake'? Don't care if I was or not. I don't regard myself as a mistake and that's what counts. If one of my parents turned around to me tomorrow and told me I was the biggest mistake of their life, first thing I'd say is 'You're full of s***' and then I'd remind them of how amazing I can be, while stating 'If you can't see my amazingness you've got a serious problem' 🙂

Chris, I figure we don't have to be mountain climbers or trapeze artists to be amazing. We don't have to be rocket scientists or have impressively high paying jobs to be amazing. I am 100% spot on when I say some of the most amazing people I've ever met in my life are the ones who work so hard in managing their mental health. To date, this is one of my greatest and most amazing achievements in life, managing my mental health.

Here we are Chris, 2 amazing people, having a chat about a father who just can't see it.