Suicidal constantly

[Chris_Tas]

Hi all.

Like others I think of suicide basically constantly.

It's like a someone whispering in me ear that I can't stop as my life otherwise is (mostly) ok.

I told my parents again but they just said Im an attention seeker that using it as an excuse not to work.

That is far from the trust as when I tell them I'm suicidal they laugh and then get angry.

It's so difficult as it makes my suicidal thoughts worse but they seem completely oblivious.

Anyway stay safe all.

Chris

[Chris_Tas]

As all know i get abused by my parents horribly.

I'm a loser, please die so we can retire, etc etc.

So tonight I offered to cook beef kebabs. No worries.

All going well until mum saw some sauce outside the pan whilst cooking.

LOST IT COMPLETELY.

Said this kitchen cost a fortune and best not to cook in it "so it stays perfect".

Yep.

That's my own parents (and legit serious as I thought joking) - quite clearly they are completely mental.

[On The Road]

Hi Chris,

I'm sorry that they said those things to you. It must be hurt to hear something like that.

I had received some hurtful words from my family and I knew I can't control either others' speech or my emotions. It is the "cost a fortune" for me that make me think why many ppl would mention something monetary on some inappropriate occasions. It sounds dehumanising. If I was a kid or a careless husband who breaks plates, I think I would rather take some scolding instead of notifying me how expensive the plates are and asking me to stop. This is one of the most unbearable abuse at least for me.

therising, I'm sorry that the current situation affects you that much. You have done a great job with all these challenges we need you and your colleagues and all these hard-working people. I'm sorry that I couldn't contribute much at the moment. The respirator masks are really uncomfortable I've only tried several times and I changed back to the surgical ones. I just hold my hope that I won't need to put those respirators on my face that often.

I totally agree that the COVID situation here is quite a mess, it actually messing up the whole world with this current variant. All I can do is do my own thing properly.

[Chris_Tas]

A new one from mum tonight.

"You are rotting inside and stink. Your brain stinks. Your room stinks (it's immaculate). Just die so I can can travel"

Thanks a lot.

[Guest_1643]

Hi chris,

Are you OK? Sounds truly horrible

My dad would stay stuff like that..it was impossible.

[Chris_Tas]

Hi Sleepy.

Thank you for msg.

In my current headspace yes I'm fine.

As my mate from mental ward is similar as his parents abuse him too and can change extremely fast.

I'm actually looking at doing a PhD this year to move forward and mum said "I stink from the brain (no idea what that means) so noone would want you".

I'll do it if I find the right opportunity as I love legal theory

[Guest_1643]

Hi Chris,

I also heard my parents mocking me behind my back once, putting on a voice and mimicking me and calling me stupid. I should've left right then...I got so used to it.

It still hurts to be treated that way but I guess they have a problem and not us.

Happy birthday BTW. U are a Capricorn!

[Chris_Tas]

Hi Sleepy.

Yes my parents also make fun of me "behind my back".

I should never have been here so I know what you must have felt.

They humiliate you yet seem to have no idea of the hurt it causes.

[Guest_1643]

Hi Chris, that's very true, the shame of being there and also the shock of it made me brush it off, which wasn't healthy .

I was discouraged as well from trying new things when I was unwell. I hope u can do a phd, it sounds interesting and meaningful.

[Chris_Tas]

Hi Sleepy (and all)

My phD will focus on saving loves including suicide.

I do not believe enough theory or understanding by "Dr's" even comes close to being adequate.

My passion is saving lives.

If I save just one via my PhD it's better than nothing.

[Guest_1643]

Hi Chris, I think Ud be excellent ....

Have u heard of the group or progra alternatives to suicide?

I agree saving and impacting one person is a crucial success.

I reflect on the ppl who really helped me dig myself out of my suicidal feelings and they were those who made me feel safe to speak about it.

U help ppl here have those conversations...