Hi Chris
You're parents sounds so triggering. It's the mind altering kind of triggering that can get really depressing, leading us to question our self more than we question our parents.
I can relate to how triggering a parent can be when I think of my dad. He's a basically decent guy but I never realised how selfish he can be until recently. My mum would say she's known all along, which is why they've been separated for years. With him being 86 and with his driving becoming seriously questionable, I've tried just about everything to get him to stop. My siblings agree he should stop. I've even dobbed him into VIC Roads, who have an insane kind of system going when it comes to letting drivers stay on the road. Anyhow, over the months, I've begged him, carefully and calmly tried reasoning with him, my brother and I have taken him to the GP for an assessment, amongst a stack of other strategies. The whole way through, I've questioned myself. 'Am I being unreasonable, over dramatic, thoughtless? Am I being a complete cow? Am I being disloyal?' The list goes on. The last bit of evidence that cropped up that proves without a doubt that he shouldn't be driving sent me into the worst level of stress I've faced so far over this issue. I lost it Chris, I seriously lost it. It started off all calm and reasonable, until he said 'I don't want to talk about this anymore. That's enough'. I've never in all my 51 years ever sworn at him but found myself letting fly with the F word (just once). It was my last ditch effort to wake him up. I even said that I can't continue seeing him if he's going to keep driving, putting others lives in danger. I've never ever given my dad this kind of ultimatum before. He's chosen to continue driving.
Chris, I think there comes a moment in our life where we can wake up to the nature of our parents. We can wake up to the number of clues they've left along the way that may scream 'I care more about what I want than what is best for all involved'. I think there are moments when we get a glimpse of who we've been dealing with all these years. It can feel heartbreaking.
By the way, I walked away with no regrets. I walked away having remained true to myself, a self that dictates I deserve better than the choice my father made. Waking up to what we deserve can be such a painful process at times.
Chris, tomorrow we'll be true to our self. You will know you are better than your parents behaviour and choices and I will contact Vic Roads, again 🙂
