Hi Dools
Life is easy when it's all going incredibly well, when we're surrounded by all the right people and being pulled out of challenging situations by great opportunities. On the other hand, so hard to know or see the way forward when no one's taught us how to do it under the most challenging of circumstances. Sometimes I think how incredibly unfair it is that some are surrounded by the wrong people (in the way of being really solid guides) and the kind of situations that feel like some form of torture.
Sometimes I look at my mum in this way. She is one of the most beautiful people I know, having always been so caring, patient, giving, tolerant and the list goes on. Since losing her dad at the age of 4, life has never been altogether easy for her. Being someone who has always managed somehow under challenging circumstances, she always managed to make other people's lives easier. I think that's the kind of thing that comes at a cost in a lot of ways. Whether it involved taking care of her aging mum, in order to make her mum's and her siblings' lives easier (while raising 3 kids and living with an emotionally detached husband), raising 3 kids through a variety of mentally and emotionally challenging times in their lives (based on my dad not wanting to feel the stress of that), working for charities to make life better in some way for others who struggled or not rocking the boat for most people in her life, for fear of upsetting them, just so much she took on to make other people's life easier, including my dad's life. While she would disagree with me, I believe she is owed. She's owed the same care, patience, service, tolerance and more, especially at this time where (in her early 80s) she faces the depressing challenges of losing her physical abilities and, in turn, her sense of freedom in some ways.
I wish people could see what I believe is owed to you Dools. I wish your husband could see what he owes you (apologies being the least of what he owes you, especially given the depressing insults he left you to painfully manage). I wish the government could see what it owes you, one of it's people. I wish it could see how it owes you a mental health system/service that works in your favor and housing affordability. Given all you've done for others in your life, while some would cruelly say 'The world owes us nothing', I beg to differ. Much kinder and more conscious people and a much kinder and conscious world would recognise the need for service towards those who have served in more ways than can be counted.
