Struggling to get help

[Doolhof]

I know this is a place where we are supposed to encourage and support each other, to offer suggestions of where help may be received and to try to be positive in our experiences of reaching out for mental health guidance and care.

Unfortunately that has not been my experience for a long time living in the country.

My GP kept telling me he would make an appointment with me to do a mental health care plan. That took about 6 months. At an appointment I basically told him I needed help, could he please do the plan that day and not make me wait another 4 weeks for a next appointment.

The psychologist he recommended sent me an email stating with the information the Dr had written in the referral she was unable to assist me. She had not even met me!

Wait another 4 weeks for another Drs appointment.  A new psychologist was recommended, I had to drive to the city for this one. Had to wait a couple of months for an appointment. My appointment was to be on Thursday this week. Received an email from the psychologist stating "due to changes in his circumstances he is no longer able to offer me sessions".

I go to the local hospital and am told "the Doctors are too busy seeing more important patients to be able to see you".  The Nurse/Sister actually stated that to me over and over.

Looks like me and my sick mind are just going to have to keep trying to support myself until it doesn't work any longer.

[Doolhof]

Hi Eagle Ray,

I think I am done trying to get help. It is too exhausting. I will just continue living with my messed up broken mind and do the best I can .

I've made it this far. 

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Dools,

 I just looked up trying to get help for BPD, as it feels like from what you are writing that dealing with the strong emotions and thoughts you experience is like the hardest thing. You may have seen it already in your search but what came up when I searched was on the South Australian Health website there is a section on “Coping With Borderline Personality Disorder”. It has quite a few ideas for different strategies in relation to different feelings and emotions. I’m not able to post the link directly here, but if you google “SA Health Coping With Borderline Personality Disorder” it should come up. For some reason the SA one came up in my search but the health departments of other states may have similar sites.

From what I have read, the brain is processing thoughts differently in BPD. So it is very understandable you are struggling with your thoughts at times. Because I have C-PTSD my brain processes things differently too, mostly in terms of being fearful in my case.

In a further search I just found that there is an Australian BPD Foundation 

bpdfoundation.org.au

 They also have a lived experience forum. I just wonder if that may be helpful too.

 I’m wondering if your current psychologist mentioned the person centred church not as a solution to everything, but just a strategy to connect with others which can often be a distraction from difficult thoughts and emotions and also a source of co-regulation with others which can be calming for the nervous system.

 I know with BPD there can be a tendency towards all or nothing thinking, or black and white thinking. So it may seem to you the psychologist is saying this is the answer to everything, but it may be simply just one suggestion she is making.

From what I have read, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy is often mentioned as the go to therapy for BPD. As I mentioned in earlier posts, Janina Fisher’s Trauma Informed Stabilisation Treatment and Richard Schwartz’s Internal Family Systems are also mentioned as approaches for BPD. I personally connect with these last two because although I don’t have BPD they are approaches that can also help with C-PTSD which I do have.

 I think it’s so important to find an approach that connects with you personally. I think it’s really important too to realise that the struggles you are having with thoughts and emotions can be impediments themselves in the process of trying to get help as it can make the therapy process more challenging.

 I think it’s really important to be compassionate towards yourself. So instead of seeing your mind as broken and messed up, just understand that it is working differently. Having compassion towards yourself and curiosity about how your mind works may help to be less reactive to thoughts and emotions.

It is important to know you are not alone in what you are going through. That’s why I wondered if the lived experience forum on the Australian BPD Foundation website I mentioned above may be helpful in connecting with others having similar struggles to yourself. And you have us here at the BB forum.

Take care and sending you hope.

[Doolhof]

Thanks Eagle Ray

[therising]

Hi Dools

Can't say that I blame you. So many hiccups, so many unhelpful resources, so many frustrations, so much wasted time waiting for things and people etc etc. Could it be a matter of 'time better spent researching'? Eagle Ray's offered a bit in the way of researching what may make some difference. I've found it's important to not waste too much time on what doesn't feel like it could make a difference. Of course, while it pays to stick with some things that may take time to work, in general (if I'm deeply depressed) I won't waste any time on things that feel hopeless and unrelatable. Revisiting them later may be worth some time or maybe not. Depends.

Doesn't hurt to get a feel for things. You could give me 20 different possibilities/things to look into in one day and it's a bit like swipe left with the first 5 things in half an hour. While people may say 'You didn't even give it a chance', my response is pretty much 'Just not feeling it'. Then, bamm, the 6th thing may have a bit of a vibe/possibility to it worth considering (a swipe right for later thing). Then comes the 7th, 8th, 9th...15th, 16th and 17th thing, with a quick swipe left for all of them. The 18th area of research could be a matter of 'Oh my god, that sounds exactly what I'm experiencing. I can completely relate' and that becomes my thing to research. Sometimes it's a matter of intuition too, listening to that little voice in our head that can be almost impossible to hear when depression's in full swing. Have come across a few rippers in my time that have had some positive impact. Whether that little voice says 'You have got to get this book!' or 'This is not the answer bit it is going to lead you to the answer', again it can be hard to tap into that kind of inspiration.

Hindsight's a brilliant thing. When I look back on all the years I spent in long term depression when I was younger, I should have swiped left (so to speak) with a lot of the therapies or ideas that never worked. Instead, I stuck with them and just felt like I was too broken to be fixed. They actually kept me depressed. It can take so many years to finally find the thing that begins to make all the difference. I think the saddest part of that comes down to not listening to the part of me that often said 'Don't waste time on that'. That little voice was always there, trying to guide me in some way. I just never recognised it until recently. I've learned to trust when it says 'Get that book' or 'Research that area'. I hope a new area of research grabs your attention and leads you to wonder in a way where it begins to excite you.

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Dools,

 I just thought I would share something that helps for me when I get strong fear activation, in case it helps you in relation to strong thoughts and emotions. I just wrote about it in another thread because my nervous system has gone into fear again at the moment. The approach is by the Buddhist psychologist Tara Brach and it uses the acronym RAIN, which stands for:

• Recognise what is happening.
• Allow the experience to be there, just as it is.
• Investigate with interest and care.
• Nurture with self-compassion.

I just wondered if this may help to de-escalate strong thoughts and emotions when they occur. I know if I try to suppress fear it gets worse. Being reactive to it isn’t good either. But gently recognising and observing it with awareness and curiosity helps. I then do something to nurture myself. So right now I am under a blanket which helps me to feel safe.

 I just thought I would share that in case it is helpful.

[Doolhof]

Hi Eagle Ray,

Once again thank you so much. I am struggling to try and help myself and to focus on what will help.

I've been quite unwell recently with a cold/virus/sinus and chest infection. Have felt ghastly. 

I've been called in to work this afternoon to have a meeting with the general manager and my line manager and advised to bring a support person! I have no idea what this is in relation to.

Your words and thoughts about managing fear are very appropriate. I am trying to fill in my day before the afternoon appointment as I am not working today. I will think of ways to nurture myself afterwards.

In a couple of weeks my partner is away for 2 months. I have been cutting myself off from other activities and people the last few months. Good thing I will have the cats to look after and be responsible for.

Out for a walk shortly to fill in some time. Will rug up as it is only 5 degrees here. 

Thinking of you Eagle Ray and hope you manage to overcome your fears!

[Doolhof]

Hi therising,

Thanks for your thoughts and considerations. They all make sense as does the advice that Eagle Ray and others have offered here. I greatly appreciate the support.

Sometimes when I read information it just confuses me. Strategies and ideas look interesting and may be of benefit, I then don't understand how to deal with the thoughts, feelings and emotions that come to the surface. A lot of what I have been reading states to discuss it with your Dr and psychologist!

Some research into understanding suicidal thoughts was very helpful. I wrote down a couple of pages of notes I can refer to when I feel myself heading down that road again. One site expressed it all very frankly and was very beneficial. It actually felt like the person who wrote the information had some insight to how a person felt when experiencing such immense traumatic feelings.

I have time to fill in today, so researching will help keep my mind off a meeting with the bosses this afternoon.

All the best to you therising.

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Dools,

Sending you much support for the meeting today. Take care and I hope it all works out ok whatever it is about. We are here if you need to debrief afterwards.

Yes, it’s wonderful to have the cats. Pets help so much. Enjoy your walk this morning and thinking of you too.

[therising]

Hi Dools

It's amazing how stepping stones on the way forward can feel like triggers, which they are in a way I suppose. One step forward onto an area of research (stepping stone) which can lead to a revelation and whole set of new triggers to research about. Suddenly you're researching 'Hmm, what are these all about?'. At some point it's like 'WILL THIS EVER END?'. I don't think it does, as it's the nature of life to hold revelations (one stepping stone after the other) all the way through to our final breath. Some are incredible, some are truly liberating, some may feel soul destroying at first, some open a Pandora's box of emotions, others are shocking and so on. Revelations will always take some form. Would be so much nicer and easier if they all took some kind of zen-like 'Ahh, yes I'm at peace now' form.

I think I've mentioned the rabbit hole experience before. It's the one where you can go looking for answers down the physical off shoot, maybe when it comes to why you're feeling so worn out. You find your answer which may be 'Such exhaustion is often the result of ongoing stress'. 'What's stressing me out?' triggers a much needed turn about, in order to start heading down the mental off shoot of the rabbit hole for some investigation. The revelations may involve 'Everyone is expecting me to make them happy, by making their life easier, but I can't cope with that much work. It's physically and mentally exhausting with so many head spinning demands. Why does no one love me enough to serve me, in the ways I serve them?'. So many new thoughts and questions. Here we go, another about turn and down the offshoot that speaks of the soulful nature of love (not the chemical definition/oxytocin or the mental definition). At the end of the day the question begs 'Who to see for my troubles, pain, questions and challenges? A physician, a psychologist or a spiritualist? On a far more light hearted note, I smile when I say it sounds a bit like the start of a joke: A physician, a psychologist and a spiritualist all walk into a bar...

[Doolhof]

Hi therising, Eagle Ray and all reading,

The meeting went better than my concerned mind thought it would. One boss was sick today so that made it feel less threatening.

I was told I needed to do extra work to justify my position. I asked for adequate training to be able to do the new processes. I stated programs needed to be reinstated as I no longer had access to them. Other work I was told I now needed to do, I am already doing. 

I felt my statement about inadequate communication at times was not accepted. I have a pile of emails I have not received responses to, so I know what I am talking about there. I will continue with the emails and include all parties on them. 

I felt really uncomfortable expressing what I was struggling with and where I needed help . 

I asked for a quiet office to be provided for the training with out continual interruptions and for me to also be able to access a computer to run through the programs myself and not just read about them on paper. 

Time will tell how all of this will work out. Hopefully I can retain all the information I need with the new training and can work out the processes. Reducing my stress levels will be beneficial for learning!

Thank you for your kind and caring support all. Regards from Dools