So lost about 3 months now

[Guest_4593]

Felling so..... I don't even know,
had a bad 12 months , the last 3 i have had panic attacks i self-harm i get completely drunk every night i feel worse everyday now things that I thought were the only things keeping me going, the things that got me up every morning, i am finding them annoying and hard to deal with and just cant be bothered with anything anymore even the things I thought throughout the last few months despite my mood would never change but they have, what do I have left.
Don't wanna hear anymore ur not urself go to a gp we all have problems

[Sophie_M]

Hey Nic1233,

Welcome to our friendly online community. We are so grateful that you have reached out here tonight as we know how tough it can be to do this for the first time. We're so sorry to hear how difficult the past year has been for you, and that it has been even more difficult to cope with in the past 3 months. We understand that these thoughts and feelings must be so difficult and overwhelming, but please know that you're not alone, and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need. 

Can we ask if you are you currently receiving mental health support, or have you in the past? If not, we really would urge that you do seek professional support to help you work through these urges that you're experiencing. If you are not sure of how to access mental health support, please contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of the friendly counsellors will be able to offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way.

In addition to this, there are always counsellors available to talk to, and who can help you during your most difficult moments. Some of these 24/7 services include:

•  Lifeline - 13 11 14 (online chat available 7pm-12am) 
•  Suicide Call Back Service - 1300 659 467 (online chat available 24/7)

And if you find yourself in a situation where you become an immediate danger to yourself, this is an emergency and you should call 000 (triple zero). Many of our members will understand and may be able to help. If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help support you.

 

[Just Sara]

Hi and welcome Nic 🙂

It sounds like life has hit the skids hun; I'm sorry things seem dim atm. Kudos for reaching out though as it takes guts, so well done!

I'm not going to say "...we all have problems" because that's condescending. Everyone experiences life individually so there's no point 'comparing' notes. Though I wish I had 10 bucks for every time someone said to me; "You think that's bad, what about what happened to me?!" Meh...whadda ya do?

When confusion, lack of support, overwhelming situations and low self worth come crashing together, 'what's the bloody point' comes to mind.

Yeah?

I so get where you're at. If you want to rant or purge yourself of built up crap swirling around your head, you're welcome to get it all out here. You'll be heard, acknowledged and validated by peers who understand what it's like to feel trapped in your own mind and the four walls that hold you.

Take care and come back to us; you're important and a necessary component of your own life.

Kind thoughts;

Sez (hug)

[Guest_4593]

Thanks guys it actually feels good to just write these feelings down as i dont talk about them out loud. In my family we never talked about our feelings probably explains why there are so many addicts in the family..
So I haven't slept in about 38 hours now, weird that im actually getting use to not sleeping besides from feeling drained all day im quiet at work people have noticed, thing that annoys me is that iv been down for months and it was only a few weeks ago a colleague of mine someone i trust (There isn't many) said to me do you think we dont see the signs get some help because I don't wanna get told you were found dead in a gutter somewhere, so for months iv been drowning ,suffocating in my own body feeling so alone and the whole time everyone could see but I wasn't worth the effort to try have a conversation with i mean i know iv got a big keep out sign on my forehead, but I can't imagine seeing a friend in pain and just ignoring it...
I know I need help i know to do that I have to go to a gp but the thought of sitting infront of someone I don't know, who sees 100 patients a week and just trying to explain what is going on with me just makes me so uncomfortable i just don't know if i have it in me

[Sophie_M]

Hi Nic,

Thank you so much for keeping us updated on how you're going. We can hear how much pain you're in, but please know that you don't have to keep these feelings bottled up inside. We understand that it can be really intimidating to open up to a GP about these kinds of feelings, however you have already shown so much courage and strength in opening up and expressing how you're feeling here in these forums.

If you feel up to it, we'd really encourage you to reach out to our Support Service (1300 22 4636), who may be able to give you some help and advice in how to start this coversation with your GP. The lovely counsellors will also be able to offer you some short-term support to help you in getting some rest and a good night's sleep.

You might also find some helpful advice at our page "Talk about it": https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/have-the-conversation/talk-about-it 

You are never alone here, and we hope that you keep us updated on how you're feeling whenever you feel ready.
 

[Guest_4593]

Owww 1 step forward 2 back,
bad night my unwanted house guests got into a massive physical fight. i was mellowed out after few to many drinks.The fight was 1 of many over the 9 month they been here. The fights are always scary i dont like it at all but i manage to calm down after a while ( long after it takes for them to calm down) but tonight was different not sure if its my current state of mind but there was a moment were they took the fight outside she was trying to leave in the car and i had like a flash back to the very same seen when i was a kid the very same situation played out between my parents and that was it, i was crippled with fear, flooded with memories, momentarily paralyzed it got hard to breathe the minute my fingers started tingling i knew i was about to have a panic attack i quickly got myself back to my room turned on my music so noone could here me and i just lost it i was in a full panic attack couldn't breathe just trying to pace my very small room trying to calm myself down guzzling down more alchohol trying to stop what was happening took a bit but i stopped but then i was left shaking sitting in the corner of my room just numb for almost a hour, like panic attacks at work weren't bad enough they can pass within a few minutes to half hour when bad, but the shaking for a hour is recently new and there is no way i have found to make that stop no breathing techniques for that 1.. someone said its something to do with adrenaline, i think that side effects is worse than the actual panic.. im so over this all im fed up of being scared and worried i fed up of how this experience has completely changed my life and changed my work life 5 years of working at my job everybodys impressions of me was strong hard working little ocd im the grunt employee but everyone calls me boss it was just my personality i stood up took charge and bossed the bosses around. Now in 3 months im a weak lazy dont care about anything mentally challenged employee that people look at differently and have to explain sorry just having a panic attack. Say i do get help get better 3 months has destroyed my life

[smallwolf]

Hi. There are two things I hope to respond to... the first is about the person who suggested to you about getting help and the the other is the GP. My own experience is that not many people know what to look for in another to recognise things might not be right. Unless that other person (in my case) has had some sort of lived experience. And perhaps on the other side, not many people want to invest themselves in others issues. I would say (and putting choice of words aside) this person has started a conversation with you and might allow or look for open conversations with you. Just a possibility?

On chatting with a GP... you could always take print the posts from this page and show them? It might save some talking. I did not know what to expect from my GP when I had that first chat with her. Admittedly I was sent to a psychologist for a 2nd opinion, but I now also have a mental health plan and others to help me. It can be hard and challenging to take this step. You also have the support of this community with you.

Hope you had a good day

Tim

[Guest_4593]

Need help now . I can't do this anymore

[Sophie_M]

Dear Nic1233,

We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear everything you have going on at the moment. Times like this can definitely get overwhelming . We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. 


Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we're worried about you. 
We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it. 

[Guest_4593]

I just tryed helpline i could even speak