Scrambled

[Catie 08]

Hi. I am a survivor of childhood sexual assult and suffer with PTSD. I have been working really hard on my journey to wellness (seeing a psychologist, mindfulness, lots of self care etc) but some days I can't even think in a straight line, my head just feels scrambled. During my therapy I have become the master of avoidance and I over organise and plan for sessions before I go so that i take the safe way out and avoid the exposure therapy I should be doing. I don't even mean to do it but the instinct to protect myself is so strong. I'm a couple of days out from my next appointment so I'm thinking that's why I'm feeling so muddled but I feel that it's getting in the way of me making more progress during these sessions. Any suggestions on how to help in this situation??

[Catie 08]

Today is a good day 🥰

I'm sitting here in my PJs watching my family pod peas and play games... I feel so totally blessed and content. I wish all days could be like this.

Your online course sounds interesting. Good on you for taking the reigns and having a go on your own.

How are you going today?

[Anzee]

That sounds amazing 😍😍 I haven’t had that feeling for a long time haha.

im making pancakes and French toast while we clean up from having a bbq for my partners bday last night 👎🏼 I am feeling pretty positive though, I’ve just started writing my email to my psych for tomorrow’s session telling her I think I’m ok with my partners behaviour and there’s only a few things we really need to work on like yelling and swearing at the kids but I think in my mind I make everything feel worse than it is.

[Richie01]

Hey guys,

Your days sound amazing!!! I got stuck at the rig last night till about 11 then back in the car at 445 this morning, gotta love it. To top it off, its almost 40 degrees. Still love the work tho 🙂.

Im slowly getting back to a better place in my head, i think the distractions of work really do benefit me so ill make the most of the time i have here and try to ground myself a bit over the next two and a bit weeks. I just realized that i have not listened to a single song for over a week!!!! Need some urgent inspo to get me out of my self pity funk lol.....

Hope your both well, im glad to hear how great your feeling today C, that made me smile. And sorry Anzee but theres no sympathy for the next day clean up sorry 😅

Take care,

Rich

[Anzee]

Hey Richie,

that’s crazy working hours 😦😦 that is serious sleep deprivation in my mind haha, but so good you enjoy your work 😊

40• ewww it was 32 here and muggy as all heck, it’s almost 8:30pm and I’m still sweating lol..

I’ve had 2 beers twice since April haha and both times was in may, I haven’t drank anything since then, I just had to help the cleanup from the boys lol and all the dishes.

[Anzee]

I had my first video call with my psych tonight, I am so glad I did it! I feel so much more connected to her now that I have a face to put to her voice and she’s a real person haha. I did tell her I don’t want to talk about the hard stuff until after Xmas now because I just want to get through it with all my family and then driving interstate to see my partners family and my anxiety had been so severe I didn’t know if I was going to be able to do any of that while trying to work out my trauma and relationship so now I feel massive relief because she said that was totally fine and we could focus on anxiety and family etc.

[Catie 08]

Hi Anzee,

I'm so glad to hear you have had a good catch up with your psych. It's great to hear that yourve been able to set the pace that's comfortable for you. How often do you catch up with her?

Hey Rich,

40 degrees and bugger all sleep - no thank you!! I don't know how you do it!!
It was 23 here over the weekend and 8+ hours sleep... that's more my style 😉

I'm still.in my Powderfinger phase... I'm hanging out for there new album to drop on Friday... ekkkk I can't wait!! Other than that it's been Evanescence for me 😊

[Anzee]

Yep I was so anxious about doing it (video call) I’d worked myself up about it so much and I was still quite anxious to start but I just put the camera on when I was ready and then I was comfortable 😊 I’m seeing her every fortnight at the moment.
when’s your next session?

[Catie 08]

Fortnightly is good 😊. Throughout covid I have done a lot of video appointments and I found them pretty good. Being able to see them as you spoke worked well for me.
I'm heading back today after work.... I was up at 3am with my mind buzzing so I feel like a zombie now but I know it will be fine... it always is.... I guess the pre therapy stressing is just part of the process now.

C.

[Anzee]

We usually do weekly because she is such a big support of mine but now that I’m not addressing the big stuff I think I should be alright fortnightly haha.. how often do you see your psych?

it’s so weird how we do it hey, the anxiety and the build up to our sessions and once we’ve done them we feel so much better 🤷🏼‍♀️ It’s bizarre.

let us know how you go today 😊

[Catie 08]

So apparently I might have a bit of OCD? I have an annoying need to always be in control 🤦‍♀️. I also need to reestablish boundaries around sharing my story - since if finally allowed myself to talk about it I now don't know where to stop! 🤦‍♀️ and finally I need to loosen the reigns on my kids and not try to over protect them - my risk model is a little out of whack 🤦‍♀️ hmmm just a few things then 😳