School holidays and feel so depressed having no mum friends

[Candy84]

Hi everyone,

im finding these school holidays so isolating and lonely. Not sure if it’s because we have spent most of the last 2 years in lockdown and this adds to it or not.

I’ve got 2 autistic children and looks like my 1 year old also has autism so we can’t leave the house so easily. We have no backyard as we moved into our new build house, so we are essentially stuck inside 4 walls all day everyday. My husband works long hours, or works away or nightshift with his own business. It makes for some super long days just watching the clock. It’s not so simple as going for a walk or a bike ride or a playground as we need both parents here to help.
my father passed away from a cancer battle almost a year ago and my dog also passed around the same time. These deaths along with the birth of my daughter all around the same time made me realise I essentially have no friends. No one really cares. I totally understand, we can’t attend birthday parties, we try and usually have to leave early as the anxiety is too much for the kids, can’t do play dates with lots of kids even play dates in our home is hard. I can’t ever catch up with just the mums for a kid free night as my husband is always working.
so I totally get and can understand why I can never make proper friendships. But jeez it’s lonely.
it’s school holidays once again and here we are with not a single play date request for either child. Look I get why but I’m also so sad for them. They are so beautiful and wish they had friends that understood them and wish I did too.
I’m literally going bat shit crazy sitting inside 4 walls all day long. Think I’m suicidal, I’d never do anything coz if I did there would be no one to look after my kids, I also can’t get help at an inpatient facility as again no one to help. My mum lives in the same suburb but I can tell her I feel this way as she would message everyone in her phone to tell and I can’t ask her for help with the kids as she whinges that they will mess up her house or she is exhausted or she loves to give me a play by play of autistic behaviours she has observed.
I just feel so exhausted and depleted. I feel so lonely and like I don’t fit in anywhere.

I’m also trying to find a new school for our kids as the current one is not suitable and we feel maybe a complete new move would be best and start fresh down the beach somewhere.

It’s just all a bit much right now and I feel so lonely and so depressed.

not even sure any of this made sense.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Candy84,
Thanks for reaching out here, we really appreciate you sharing your journey with us and letting us in on how you've been managing as of late. It sounds as though you have a lot on your plate! We're very sorry to hear of the sadness you experience seeing your children without any playdates. We acknowledge how upsetting this must be. We can hear from the way you write how insightful you are and it's a great step for you to be acknowledging your sadness, loneliness and the reasons why these feelings might be.  Can we ask if you are currently receiving mental health support? If not, we would urge that you do seek professional support to help you work through these thoughts that you're experiencing. If you are not sure of how to access mental health support, please contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport If you don't have many friends where you are at the moment, we'd suggest joining some local support groups or parent groups. You can find information on what support groups are available on the Black Dog Institute site here - https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/resources-support/support-groups/ We'd also recommend checking out some of our Beyond Blue forum threads that are related to your situation. A new thread that has recently popped up and has some great advice so far is 'How to Meet New Friends?': https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/relationship-and-family-issues/how-to-meet-... Please know you're not alone here Candy84, and we hope that you keep us updated on how you're going whenever you feel ready.

[smallwolf]

Hello and welcome to the beyond blue forums.

What you said made total sense - your husband works long hours, you have to look after the kids, other life events ... And kids with no play dates. And I can imagine this feeling like a lonely existence.

You are very aware of the situation in which you are placed and it doesn't seem like there is any end in sight. I think you might be craving another adult to talk to? Someone to unload onto, someone to chat about the day with etc.?

Do you mind if I ask how your mum would react if you told her how you are feeling based on this post?

Does your husband know how you feel?

I wonder if there is any time during the week that you get to yourself. Some time when you are able to recharge your batteries?

I know it is not the same, but if you want to chat here I am listening.