Scared to tell my GP about self-harm

[belle117]

Hello,

I’m currently going through the family law system. My son’s father has been out of his life for many years now but his paternal grandmother has taken me to court. This is my second time going back as I am seeking to have the orders changed due to the abuse I have suffered from that family. I had my son when I was very young and he is almost an adolescent now. I feel I cannot escape the abuse I suffered from his paternal family and am being re-triggered by past trauma and do not feel free to live my life how I choose. It feels like being in an emotional prison where I cannot escape the cycle of abuse. I have been a great mother to him and there’s never been any question about my ability to raise, love and care for him. Even though his father is not involved, I am still being bullied, spoken down to, lied about and slandered by the paternal grandmother and the court is telling me I have to continue to send my son there even though I am concerned he is being exposed to the same abuse I was as a child in that home due to what he has told me. It is extremely psychologically damaging to feel as though you can’t protect your child and your rights as a mother are being stripped from you. I am so exhausted and my mental health is at an all time low. I’m missing work, I can’t complete my studies, my relationship with my partner is strained. I’m so anxious I feel like I can barely leave the house and I am starting to feel without hope. I don’t know how to talk to my doctor about self-harm and the thoughts of suicide. I don’t want to die but I feel like I cannot escape and I am at the end of my rope. I’m scared it will hurt my family law matter to be honest about my mental state and I’m scared they will force me to go to hospital and my ability to parent will be in question. I cannot afford a psychologist and I don’t know what to do. Any advice would be very welcomed. Thank you. 

[Sophie_M]

Hi belle117,

Thank you for your post tonight - we're really glad you found your way here to the forum. Welcome to the family.

We're a bit worried about your wellbeing, so we've reached out to you privately. Please check your inbox.

Family issues are incredibly complex and tricky and we're so sorry to hear how distressed you are, and to hear that you're going through all of this. We know our wonderful, wise and supportive community will be by to give you support very soon. 

Please don't hesitatate to reach out to our friends over at Relationships Australia if you would like to get some ongoing support. If you're ever worried about your safety, there's the Suicide Call Back service on 1300 659 467, or even Lifeline on 13 11 14 at any time should you need support to keep safe. We're also available online or by phone on 1300 22 4636 (24/7). 

We’d also like to recommend having a look at our Beyond Blue safety planning app. You can read about how it works and where to download it here. You can even call Lifeline and complete it with one of their counsellors over the phone if you'd like.

You're really important to us, but you're even more important to your son. Please hang in there and keep on being strong. We're here for you!

Kind regards, 

Sophie M


 

[belle117]

Thank you for your reply. I’m not sure how to check my inbox on here but just wanted to reply quickly to say I’m okay. I’ve got an appointment booked with my GP but I’m just scared to be completely honest about where I’m at and am not sure what the next steps would be.

[smallwolf]

hello,

I have read your story and not really sure how I could reply to make things seem better for you. With that said, I saw your latest post and ...

Admittedly, I had/have a psychologist etc. There was a time when I was in a similar situation to you. I had made an appointment with my GP after one night. The next day when I was in the waiting room, I was using one of my self-help tools, and tears in my eyes. I guess I am lucky that my GP and I have a good relationship. 

What did I do?

I slowly went through the story about what happened that previous night. Like you, not wanting die. Perhaps disappear was a better word (for me). I will say there have been times when I have had to write things down, because speaking about them is too hard. Maybe you could try that. Because you matter!

[Sophie_M]

Hi belle117, 

Thanks for getting back to us. We're having some trouble getting through to the email linked to your account. Please could you email us at modsupport@beyondblue.org.au to let us know what email address you'd like the account to be linked to? 

Thanks again for your openness, and for getting back to us here. It's so appreciated. We hope the lovely words of community members such as Smallwolf are a comfort to you. 

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

[Junior1962]

Hi Belle

You have a great deal going on. I’m not surprised you are feeling overwhelmed. 
I just want to encourage you to tell your GP that you are feeling overwhelmed and mention some of the issues. You don’t need to talk about things like self harm or suicidality if you don’t want to. Just let your GP know that you are really struggling and need some help. You can then ask for a mental health plan. 
Just so you know, A GP can’t admit you to a psych ward. Only a psychiatrist can do that, so don’t worry.