Vent and then let it go...

[Guest_1055]

I can't do this stupid life anymore. I just need to write this out. Because sometimes it has helped me on the past. Just to shout it out on words. I HATE THIS.. LIFE. The pain keeps happening over and over again. I cannot deal with it. Tears are in my eyes, frustration, aloneness, maybe bitterness, I hate that emotion. Just go in the name of Jesus. I forgive him. It hurts, please heal me. Where does my help come from. The maker of heaven and earth. I hurt Father God. I hurt. 

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Shell,

Sometimes it can help to express anger in a non-destructive way, such as throwing a cushion into a couch. You are right, it is important not to hurt others or yourself with anger. It sometimes just starts to rise up and it’s actually a natural emotion to have. I had it come up strongly last year and my psychologist helped me express and move through it. Getting in touch with your anger can actually be a healthy thing and it can morph into assertiveness and healthy action in the world. But when it first comes up it can be quite intense. It’s ok to let it out in a safe way. I found it was a stage I moved through on my journey and while I still have anger arise at times it can pass through and settle. It’s like I now understand the anger and befriended it as a logical emotion to be feeling.

 I hope you are doing ok today. Take care and chat when you need to and remember there are helplines too if you would like to talk through your feelings with someone.

[Guest_1055]

Thankyou for reading Eagle Ray and the rising

[Eagle Ray]

That's ok Shell. I hope you are doing ok and enjoying your weekend. Take care.

[therising]

I hope you're doing okay. Definitely toughs days, weeks or even months here and there. So important to share the light and love.☀️❤️

[Guest_1055]

Venting as I have no where to go with this. So overwhelming. Many emotions all at once. Grief, bored, discouragement, a sadness, far away at times, disconnected, aloneness, tired, heavy, overwhelmed, maybe anger was there but has gone or in the background. Lost feeling, most things seem complicated. Even having a shower. Bitterness maybe hidden, it's hard to get my eyes of me. 

[therising]

Hi Guest_1055

I really feel for you so very much as you deal with so many mixed emotions. When mixed emotions become overwhelming there can be such a sense of them kind of physically pulling us apart in all different directions. They can also have such a churning kinda of tornado feel to them as they grow in intensity and make you want to scream at times.

Give yourself the freedom to vent that energy, whether that involves long posts out here, long breaths out (like sighing over and over), long cries out or whatever works. Sometimes long breaths out (as a form of meditation) while relaxing into a prayer state of mind, while throwing a question out there once more relaxed, is something that I've found can occasionally make a difference. Sometimes the most unexpected answers or epiphanies come to mind. Of course, so hard to get into that state of mind at times. I am wishing for your prayers to be answered. ❤️

[Guest_1055]

You are exactly right, I feel like I am being pulled apart in many directions. All over the place 

[smallwolf]

I am not sure what I might be able to say ... As you and others indicated it can be hard when you fell you are pulled in many directions. As much as I don't know much of your story, I wonder if you considered writing down your thoughts and feelings on paper. It has been something that has helped me, to get some clarity about the things on my mind. If that is not something for you, then I can listen also....

[Guest_1055]

How can he be so mean to her? This man seems to have no heart at all. It is tearing at my own heart today. Sometimes I feel like I hate him for hurting her so much. But I don't want to hate him. But why How can people be so mean, evil and not care about the pain they inflict on someone else. Half of me just doesn't get it. 

It's so hard to see my sweet beautiful sister who I love so very much in turmoil, in anguish, and heartache. Confused and not sure of herself. I am not use to her, all I seem to be able to do is feel for her, listen and give hugs. I have no answers at all.

Today she told me he projects himself onto her. I looked it up on google. The way he is treating her he thinks she is treating him that way instead. It's his behaviour and evil not hers. Truly she is the sweetest and giving person I know. So unselfish and kind. She doesn't call people awful names like he says she does. She has empathy for him and wants the best for him. 

Just don't understand why he can be so cruel. I pray with all my heart that God will fix all this or something. My heart aches for them. It hurts Father it hurts. You know all things and You have my sweet sister in the palm of Your hands. You are a mighty God and loving. Please help. Please give wisdom to my sister show her clearly what to do. Comfort her as I know You do Father. Thankyou Father God for You do love us. You promise to never leave or forsake us. Please remind my sister of this, speak Holy Spirit. Thankyou. I speak with Jesus authority that all spirits of confusion be gone from my sisters life. For you have given us a sound mind. I pray for peace to flood her soul right now Father God. Surround her with Your heavenly angels and minister to her. Protect her in every single way physically , spiritually and emotionally. Help her to continue to trust You in all things. Comfort her. Remind her that she is Yours a child of the living God. Help her to surrender all to You for you love her so much. Remind her You have given her a sound mind. Thankyou for her. Thankyou that You have put her in my life. For I love her so much. May Your will be done in her as it is in heaven. We praise you. In Jesus name Amen

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Shell,

You are being such a loving support for your sister, listening and giving hugs. I'm sure that is hugely beneficial for her right now just knowing of your love and support.

I struggle to understand how people can be cruel as well. I think it sometimes stems from a trauma background, and other times a person can just be wired differently without the same empathy as others. The projection behaviour sounds a bit like gaslighting, but I don't want to assume that because I'm not in the situation. That's where someone manipulates another, putting self-doubt in the other's mind and controlling them through making them question their own judgement and the nature of reality. Projection can be part of that where they may accuse the other person of a behaviour that is actually the manipulator's behaviour, not that of the person who is being accused of the behaviour.

I know it's incredibly stressful to witness what your sister is going through. I know you mentioned you and your sister were going to some counselling. I hope maybe that can be a safe place to discuss these issues and where you sister can find some validation, support and strategies for dealing with the situation.

I'm dealing with something sort of similar in relation to an in-law and it has also involved manipulative behaviours that are really disturbing. I know it is very upsetting, confusing and disorienting to deal with. I've found it important to stay in contact with grounded people who remind you of who you are and it can help to feel more balanced again. It is important to stay in touch with your sense of self, so for your sister to know the good person she is and not get knocked off balance by her partner's projections. I know that is really challenging.

I'm planning to watch an online conference on healing toxic relationships that I just posted about in the Staying Well section if you want to know the details. If I learn anything that might be helpful from that I'm happy to share. It's from 6-12 November and I probably won't be able to watch it all, but there might be some good ideas and strategies that come out of it.

Take good care Shell as I know how much you love and care for your sister and it really affects you seeing what she is going through. I'm sure just the time you spend with her and your care and kindness is a great support for her.