Pressures from friendships, family and school are making me feel so alone.

[hellohi]

Hi,

I feel very alone and I feel nobody wants to hear me. I try to talk to my parents as much as I can about everything stupid to important, but they don’t understand or respect my opinion. They always taunt me and they are never satisfied with whatever I do. I can't talk to them about how I feel. They would never show me their affection, they never hug me, or give me a proper response for my special moments or properly spend time with me. They avoid me. I don't have a strong relationship with anyone.

I know I am very overweight and extremely ugly, I have to put up with it myself every day of my life. I hate the way I walk, talk and I am dumb in everything I do. So many times I have known the answer or have an idea, but I cannot say it out loud in class. I am fine with sharing things with my friends and sometimes other students in my class, but even with them I feel ignored and alone, as I cannot keep up with things going on in their lives, they all have social media and I don’t and they go all travelling and I have never been out the house except to go to school. Or they simply don’t want to talk to me because of my ugly looks and lack of popularity. There are students in my class who everyone respects because they are good-looking not caring how rude they can be, everyone tells me being beautiful in the inside is more important, but no one cares about being kind. I feel so out of place.

I try my hardest to look skinny, I wear clothes that I think will help me do that, I try to keep my things clean and tidy and I try to be nice as much as I can. Nothing works, I always feel the same; alone and stupid. I don’t want any of my friends and family to know about how I feel. But with my parents, my younger brother and my friends ignoring me and making me feel alone, make me think about suicide and I can't sleep during the night or wake up early in the morning.

I don’t feel loved, happy or accepted in the people I am surrounded with.

I feel weak, alone, misunderstood, ugly, sad, confused and a burden on everyone. I feel confused as I got no idea where I want to work. I feel stupid and sad because my grandma has breast cancer and I haven’t seen her, all I have done is make her miserable, I want to talk to her which I can’t do it through a phone call, because at that moment I don’t want to say and I don't know if she wants to talk to me.

Maybe I am overreacting because so many other people go through worse things than me, but this is how I feel

[white knight]

Hi Neerja

There is actually many people that can write better poetry but Thankyou.

Youll notice all my poems are positive and have hidden messages. Children reading my poems will see there is always a positive in every negative to be discovered.

When you get older you will replace oldies like me and likely you will guide young people in how to overcome there problems by motivating them to be more positive. You might also hug and give affection to them that you missed out on at your age.

So you can see clearly now how Sarah and I have found there is many qualities you have that you didn’t think much about 100 posts ago.

We all have “straight tails” as Pinky has, imperfections. Some can hide them better than others. And just like Magda Subanski, we overweight people are beautiful and bubbly.

We can spend a lifetime learning to accept ourselves or take the short cut and embrace ourselves fully early in our lives and live life to the full. We have choices.

I admire you Neerja.

TonyWK

[hellohi]

Thanks TonyWK for your support, I feel a bit better than 101 posts ago and through your and Sarah's help I have realized that there are things in life (like family and friends) that you can't change, so sometimes you need to learn to cope and adapt.

I admire you too, you are a hardworking, inspiring, kind and very creative and poetic person.

Thank you so much, your and Sarah's kindness helped me open up about things I had kept inside since I was 11.

Neerja

[Aaronsis]

Hey Neerja

I am so happy to hear that you do feel supported here and not only that you have learnt some things about yourself as well as some important things about others, and that is so very liberating. Your family you cannot change, however this does not give them an open ticket to treat your poorly, I think you can see that now too. Also just because the have the title 'family' does not mean either that they have to have a leading role in your life. I can say that some of my friends I have had in my life for over 20 years and I consider them to be my family, I know in a time of need they would have my back or come to help me in a flash. I also value their opinions and who they are as people, more so than some members of my "family".

I hope by giving your counsellor some trust, by reaching out here, continuing your journey to growth and to wellness and also empowerment and Neerja comes to be, with self love, self worth and who knows exactly who she is...you are on your way Neerja..how wonderful.

I actually went to see my dad yesterday and he is caring from my grandmother so it was a really nice visit, so needless to say that AJREEN has not come to be..AS YET..but she is there in my brain and waiting to make it to the paper..so stay tuned.

I hope you have had a lovely weekend and done something wonderful for you.

Chat soon

Sarah

[hellohi]

Hi Sarah,

You are right, the title family does not mean it has to be blood-related. That's so good that you have had friends for over 20 years and its really good how you all look out for one another, your relationship with your friends is better than a family.

I will try my hardest to trust and reach out to the counsellor and maybe she will help me get those thoughts away. But I think it's going to hard and awkward at times.

That sounds so great that you went to see your father, does he live far away from your house? How's your grandmother doing?

I hope you had a wonderful weekend too and may every day be as bright as the rising sun,

Neerja

🙂

[Aaronsis]

Hey Neerja

Well you will see that Ajreen has come to life....she is kinda cute...lol

It is really special that I have some friends that have come through life's journey to date with me, and you are right, family does not have to be blood.

It was lovely to see my dad, he lives in Cooma in NSW and I am in Melbourne so we don't get to see each other much, so I really value when he is down and we can catch up. I usually go there for Easter but that didn't happen this year...I am really looking forward to when the isolation period is over and I can go there for maybe a week and just hang out. I miss him.

Having an early night tonight, so I will chat some more to you tomorrow.

Night...

Sarah

[hellohi]

Good morning Sarah,

AJREEN LOOKS SO CUTE, BEAUTIFUL AND PHENOMENAL, JUST LIKE YOUR EASTER BUNNY!!!!! You are very creative, ingenious and artistic!!!

I am so glad that you had a great time meeting your dad, do you and your dad video chat? I understand it is better talking face to face, but unfortunately during this tough period, it can't happen for a while.

I hope that isolation ends too, it is so sad that so many people are not recovering from coronavirus all around the world and some people are being so rude and racist at times to each other.

Hope you have a great day and hugs to you,

Neerja

🙂

[Aaronsis]

Hello Neerja

I am so pleased you like my cow and thank you so much for your kind words, I do think she is pretty phenomenal, just like the person she was created from....

I do have facetime chats with my dad, he has only just learnt to do this and thinks it is amazing, it is really funny to see him learn all about the capabilities of technology today. I had to do a facetime when my grandmother's hot water service broke and I could show him the unit and he talked me through it, the whole time commenting on how wonderful it was to be able to see...lol.. way too funny.

It is really bad that racism has reared it's ugly head at this time, it is never acceptable but especially at this time when we should be support each other, not hating and being rude and mean, just so unnesessary.

Hope you have had a lovely day today and enjoyed some sunshine.

Hugs to you Neerja

Sarah

[hellohi]

Hi Sarah,

I agree, this time with a global pandemic is not to make things worse by being rude or fighting over resources, it is a time to be there for each other, support and share.

May your life be filled with joy and happiness and may each new day bring you memories and moments to cherish.

Hugs to you too Sarah,

Neerja

[white knight]

Dear Neerja

Your thread here has been wonderful for us as well as you. I thought I’d recap on some important aspects of what we have discovered.

• That you have some great personal qualities like: empathy, care, kindness
• You are a fine communicator
• You have good grammer
• You have a sense of humour
• You are mature for your age
• You are complimentary
• You listen and learn
• You have learned- that even parents can treat us wrongly and you have rights in objecting tactfully and calmly.
• You are poetic/artistic which means great depth of emotion and creativity

And more!

So just my view is that friendships at your age can be difficult to find because of others kids immaturity compared to your older mentality. They might feel challenged or they follow others in a gang mentality.

When I turned 17yo I joined the Air Force. I was s boy among men but I soon grew up and adapted, travelled and found adventure and financial success. Sometimes avenues like the armed forces can be so beneficial. It is worthwhile thinking about.

I hope you have settled ok now. I’m so impressed with your attitude. Feel free to remain on the forum because- other young people could do with someone that has gone through similar issues.

TonyWK

[hellohi]

Hi TonyWK,

I don't have friends at school and home, but I definitely have two friends here and one of them is you, thanks for being there for me. Its the first time someone said something kind to me, I really appreciate it.

Wow, 17 years old is quite young to join the Air Force! That's is astonishing!!!!

The past few weeks haven't gone that well, to be honest. I have been contacted weekly by the school counsellor and kids helpline counsellor. But still, these thoughts aren't going away. Home school has been overwhelming and I have been feeling this strong sense of loneliness at home, but here I don't feel that lonely because I have people to talk to. I am still finding the right time to ask my dad for my grandma's address and money to post the letter. But something is pushing me back, I feel like this terrible daughter and granddaughter. I have made so many mistakes in life, I feel like I don't deserve being here. But, fortunately, I feel like I have been talking a bit more to my family, still, this sense of loneliness isn't going, I don't know what else to try.

May your life be filled with happiness, good fortune and laughter, and may each new day bring you memories and moments to cherish,

Neerja