Pressures from friendships, family and school are making me feel so alone.

[hellohi]

Hi,

I feel very alone and I feel nobody wants to hear me. I try to talk to my parents as much as I can about everything stupid to important, but they don’t understand or respect my opinion. They always taunt me and they are never satisfied with whatever I do. I can't talk to them about how I feel. They would never show me their affection, they never hug me, or give me a proper response for my special moments or properly spend time with me. They avoid me. I don't have a strong relationship with anyone.

I know I am very overweight and extremely ugly, I have to put up with it myself every day of my life. I hate the way I walk, talk and I am dumb in everything I do. So many times I have known the answer or have an idea, but I cannot say it out loud in class. I am fine with sharing things with my friends and sometimes other students in my class, but even with them I feel ignored and alone, as I cannot keep up with things going on in their lives, they all have social media and I don’t and they go all travelling and I have never been out the house except to go to school. Or they simply don’t want to talk to me because of my ugly looks and lack of popularity. There are students in my class who everyone respects because they are good-looking not caring how rude they can be, everyone tells me being beautiful in the inside is more important, but no one cares about being kind. I feel so out of place.

I try my hardest to look skinny, I wear clothes that I think will help me do that, I try to keep my things clean and tidy and I try to be nice as much as I can. Nothing works, I always feel the same; alone and stupid. I don’t want any of my friends and family to know about how I feel. But with my parents, my younger brother and my friends ignoring me and making me feel alone, make me think about suicide and I can't sleep during the night or wake up early in the morning.

I don’t feel loved, happy or accepted in the people I am surrounded with.

I feel weak, alone, misunderstood, ugly, sad, confused and a burden on everyone. I feel confused as I got no idea where I want to work. I feel stupid and sad because my grandma has breast cancer and I haven’t seen her, all I have done is make her miserable, I want to talk to her which I can’t do it through a phone call, because at that moment I don’t want to say and I don't know if she wants to talk to me.

Maybe I am overreacting because so many other people go through worse things than me, but this is how I feel

[white knight]

THE OLD REDGUM

An old farmer taught his son

all that he learned from his dad

and the tradition was to walk down to the old red gum tree

as he had himself as a lad

Then one day his father died

and grief was strong and deep

he now alone walked down to the old redgum

and filled his hankerchief

Sap fell upon his shoulder

as the tree began to weep

a young farmer would soon have a son

In the trees arms both fell sleep

Every now and then

the farmer would go down to the old redgum tree

where he’d take his son

and teach his boy of all the traditions

another story had begun...

TonyWK

[hellohi]

Wow, that was a beautiful poem. This my most favourite poem! It is so sweet, creative and hope bringing. It subtly provides such a strong message, that there are different chapters that each person faces, some fortunate some unfortunate but during unfortunate times a new story begins, a story of persistence, learning and resilience.

Whenever my mind feels like a tangled pair of earphones, your poems untangle the earphones and make me smile. I always look forward to your phenomenal poems. I wish I could write like you.

Thanks for sharing such a magnificent poem with me,

Neerja

[ecomama]

Hi Neerja

I hope you don't mind that I write to you on your thread. I feel like I am intruding on a friendship circle but I really wanted to make contact with you. What wonderful friends you have made here.

I haven't read every single post here but have read most of yours. Talk about pulling on my heart strings!

Firstly BIG HUGS beautiful girl.

There is so much I want to tell you. SO MUCH. I have work tomorrow ughhh and it's late so I will keep this post short and come back later to see how you're going.

Btw WE NEED MORE PEOPLE LIKE YOU IN THE WORLD omg you are so thoughtful and kind, caring and loving. You are worrying about your family, kids at school and the whole world. What a gorgeous girl you are.

My intuitive impulse is to share something with you that I made up when I was a child. Can you try it for me and let me know if it helped?

Okay this is going to sound weird but it REALLY helped me and has helped all my children.

You'll need about 20 or 30 minutes.

Find a private spot to sit comfortably on the floor, maybe your room and ofcourse use a pillow to sit on etc.

Look up at a corner of your room.

Imagine the Neerja 10 years from now looking down at you and smiling at you.

Work out how old she is.

Look at her smile and ask her for advice. Ask her how she's feeling. Ask her anything.

Just spend some time listening..... hear every thing she says.

NB: For a person as young as you to have so much insight is a rare thing.

If you want to share your experience of that corner talk lol, please do!

Before I go to sleep.... I have a tip for making friends lol. It is pretty corny! …..
ask the person you want to befriend lots of questions about themselves.
If this feels too weird then you could compliment the person on their earrings or shoes or handbag etc.. ask them where they got it.

Repeat lol.

Yours in a world where every girl knows her own beauty.

[white knight]

Hi ecomama

please feel free to join in. Most welcome

TonyWK

[white knight]

Hi Neerja

Remember, I’ve been writing poetry for decades. At 14yo I wasn’t as good as you in poetry!

LEGS OF SPOKE
How can I let them know?
when to dark exceeds the glow
when the sun hides behind the clouds
silence they hear- but I scream so loud.

Some stand beside a 6 foot hole
shake their heads and see its toll
they ask how he could have dropped
out of the circle- a forget me knot

Yet they seem to see clear and there is hope
when they sight a person with legs of spoke
A cripple girl pushing her chair
A man be manic- there's no one there

"Storm in a tea cup" hurts so bad
like the cyber crow who remains so glad
keeps flying and in full flight
Carves his craft in the middle of the night

For some in power see it their way
even at the side of a 6 foot grave
shake their head and call out "why"
"Why on earth- he didnt have to die"

So kind some be- they reach out so true
smile then say "we want to meet you"
"bring along your vintage car and your smile
but leave at home whats behind your dial"...

So we laugh and dine and all is ok
leave at home come what may
if I be saddled with legs of spoke
they'd lift me around- bloody good bloke

But as my mind hurts so bad
cannot hide my feelings- mad?
Cant maintain "bloody good bloke"
Sometimes I wished...I had legs of spoke.....

TonyWK

[hellohi]

Hi Ecoma, I would love to be friends with you! You are not intruding you are joining and connecting in a friendship circle.

I tried to imagine myself in 10 years. It felt nice and unusual, as it is not something I would do normally its new to me.

I asked her where do you work? She told me that she was a teacher. I asked her whether she had any friends in her workplace, she said no. I asked her where she got these nice gold hoops she replied her family members gave them to her and she never took them off, it was the last birthday present her family got her. She told me, that she was felt lucky that I didn't take my life. She looks tall and other than looks that same as me right now. It really helped, it felt a bit weird at first, but it felt pleasant talking to a corner, it felt like I got this invisible friend who was 10 years older than me.

I wanted to thank you for your kind words, you are a very sweet and generous person. Your children are lucky to have a parent like you. We also need more people like you, TonyWK and Sarah, you all have helped me out.

Thank you for sharing such a nice and helpful thing with me and I'm glad it helped you and your children too.

Hugs to you to my new friend and I would love to chat more with you,

Neerja

[hellohi]

Hi TonyWK,

That was a marvellous poem! I love how you wrote,

"We want to meet you"
"Bring along your vintage car and your smile but leave at home what's behind your dial"

I love how your poems revolve around the challenges in life and then all of your poems provide so strong and effective but subtle messages. Your poems show that everything in life is writable. They help me think deeply about things. I really love and enjoy reading your poems.

Thank you for sharing such a fabulous poem with me.

Hugs to you my friend,

Neerja

[hellohi]

Hope you have a wonderful day at work Ecoma!

🙂

[white knight]

Hi Neerja

Thankyou for your appreciation.

Not everyone gets poetry. In 1996 I was living in a caravan and depressed, I worked as a bouncer at a club and wrote poetry when doing security at night.

Then I met a ww2 veteran and I read my war poems to him, he cried and begged for more. I read my 10 war poems and then read my motivational poems like Pinky the pig etc and I eventually left him that night very happy that he was one of the lucky ones to have survived.

Ive read them to old aged residents too and got their hugs upon leaving.

This is what life is about Neerja, outer purpose here is to give others a helping hand but also discard the evil and manipulative, the nasty and the abusive. Do that regularly and you’ll surround yourself with like minded individuals that will love you and you them.

Life is so rewarding then.

TonyWK

[hellohi]

That is amazing! You have made so many people's day and made them smile. You are a very kind, generous and helpful person, you should be a professional counsellor. You have made people feel emotionally better and your writing is powerful, it is inspiring.

Can I read your war poems?

Here it feels so nice and good talking to people, getting help, but life here outside the virtual world, its hard, lonely and painful at times, people judging and just feeling like a burden to everyone.

I always look forward to your poems and please keep on sharing and writing your powerful poems and thank you for sharing so many of your poems. Everyone loves your poems!

Do you have a favourite poet? My favourite poet is TonyWK!

Hope you have a fantastic day,

Neerja

🙂