Out of Ideas

WantOut · ‎18-05-2021

I'm seeing my fifth or sixth shrink, and have just stopped seeing a psychologist because yet again we've reached a point where they've said they don't think they're the right person to help. I've tried every class of meds and the one which used to work great has now stopped, and my shrink doesn't seem to be taking my concerns seriously. I've done all the lifestyle changes people inevitably recommend. Nothing helps.

I'm out of ideas and I don't know what to do. The best anyone has suggested is to start yet again with yet another psych/shrink, which would involve yet more waiting and doing all the same stuff I've done until they say that maybe I should try a different psych/shrink, and I don't have the energy to keep going around and around and around with this stuff.

I'm so tired of this, I have children it would hurt but we're getting to the point where I can't put up with this indefinitely.

I need a quick fix because I don't have the strength or patience to faff about with the same drugs which haven't worked or be told yet again to download a mindfulness app. It's been decades of this and I'm almost done.

Sophie_M · ‎18-05-2021

Hi WantOut,

Thanks for reaching out on the Beyond Blue forums tonight,

We're sorry to hear your counsellors/shrinks haven't been very helpful so far and don't seem to be taking your concerns seriously. This must be very frustrating and emotionally exhausting. We can hear how overwhelmed you feel at the moment and would love to offer our support.

Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we are worried about you.

Many in our community have also been through a lot in their lives and will be able to talk through these feelings with you. If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best support you through this.

james1 · ‎18-05-2021

Hello WantOut,

I'm so sorry to hear that nothing has helped you so far, and you feel like you're going around and around with psychologists and medications, and all the suggestions you've been given so far. It sounds really tiring and repetitive, especially after having to deal with that for decades.

My own experience is relatively short compared to yours, but even after 6 - 12 months (honestly, it blends in a bit so I don't recall so well) I felt really done with it all. I am not sure what was the catalyst for change in my case, but I don't think it was anything new. Perhaps for me it was just a case of circumstances aligning well, and I was able to get the support I wanted.

So I am really glad you've come to us here, because many of us are currently or have been in similar situations as you, and we understand a lot of the feelings that it sounds like you are feeling right now. In fact, I flat out told my new psychologist that I didn't want medication, I didn't want to do mindfullness, and I didn't want her to tell me what to do, because that didn't work. She agreed, and just listened to me.

So perhaps, for now, we can offer you the same - just a place for you to be, and tell us whatever you feel comfortable with. We're here for you.

James

WantOut · ‎05-08-2021

The only update is that now my psychiatrist has also said that he thinks he's done as much as can be done with medication and consultations and that he thinks I should do something else - he's not clear on what that something should be, except that it should definitely be not with him. Which I get - I've seen a lot of shrinks and psychologists and counsellors and the majority have concluded that maybe it's best that I be someone else's problem, which is also my ambition.

I absolutely don't have the energy or the inclination to Try The Whole Process Yet Again With Somone Else, and I don't have any faith in therapy as being anything more than distracting busy work until circumstances change for the much better or the much worse, so I'm still constantly filled with the feeling that everyone would be better off if I applied the psych's advice to everything and just stopped being everyone's problem.

So unless there's some new miracle alternative to meds and therapy (and I think we can rule out ECT; if I don't have the spoons for talking I'm pretty sure I don't have them for an ongoing medical situation) then I guess I've got a choice between getting really dramatically better really quickly, or stop wasting everyone's time, because this isn't sustainable.

therising · ‎06-08-2021

Hi WantOut

I feel for you so deeply as you face the unbearable pain that comes with nothing making a significant difference. Was saying to someone just yesterday, if 'difference' and 'no difference' were factors you could sense how would they feel?

I recall my decade and a half of nothing making a significant difference to my depression until I found the thing that did make a difference I could feel. I believe a lot of therapists underestimate the depressing nature of their clients sensing no difference in depression. The longer this goes on for the more depressing things can get, especially when you've worked so hard on everything that's been suggested to you.

It sounds like maybe you're not a 'textbook case'. With a lot of therapists learning their craft from the same textbooks to some degree, is it possible your nature and your complex issues are not to be found in those textbooks. Based on their experience, is it possible they've never experienced a client as challenging as you? It's not that you're challenging, it's more so that your complex situation is challenging. Is this a challenge they're up for? It sounds like each therapist is content in giving your challenging situation to the next therapist, perhaps leaving you to wonder 'Is there anyone amongst you who is actually competent in this challenge?'

Given that human nature is incredibly complex, I have found some of approaches effective in helping me work out the complexities of depression:

Group therapy: Having a group of people who can relate to how you feel can be mind altering/triggering (in positive ways)
Psycho spiritual therapy: If what makes some difference is psychological counseling with a somewhat soulful angle, this (for some) is positively mind altering
Complimentary therapies (conducted by a master and not a basic practitioner): It's one thing to take Tai Chi classes, for example, but taking them with someone who is a true master in connecting you with certain sensations in the body doesn't make it an exercise in 'simply moving around and feeling nothing'
Researching energy based reasons for why someone can't feel more energetic is another factor. For example, in regaining energy that comes through productive sleep, you could have someone who's depressed and suffering from sleep apnea at the same time. The depression will never go away as long as the apnea's not being addressed

Could what makes some difference to you be outside the square?

james1 · ‎07-08-2021

Hello WantOut,

Sorry to hear psychiatrist has been suggesting you go elsewhere. I understand that after five or six doctors, the idea of looking for another feels really pointless. That's okay and really relatable. As therising has suggested, the depressing nature of sensing no difference can be really strong and often a change in strategy or, as you say, just waiting for some other situation to change can give us a new impetus.

In my own case, I had a break with my old psychologist during the Christmas break because I didn't want to bother anymore, and I started doing my own thing. I wasn't even focussed on improving my mental health or facing up to any challenges. I just basically did whatever I wanted - I played video games, I set myself a running goal which I failed but tried to achieve, and did some cooking. Basically, I just gave myself the space to not actively work on my mental health. At some point, I was getting frustrated by how often I was impeded by my mental health and thought I'd give it all a go again. I still go through phases of that now where I just get frustrated, but I just try to ride out the wave and see where it takes me.

Which is all just a long way to say that what you're saying makes a lot of sense to me. If this isn't working for you right now, maybe it could be helpful to do something else. therising has suggested some different approaches, I just didn't actively work on my mental health, but perhaps there are other strategies too.

If you'd like to talk to us about what you are facing, please feel free to do so here. We are here to support you in whatever way you think would help, whether it's talking about strategies to deal with issues, or even just offering people a place to vent about their specific issue.

James