Not wanting to exist

[Ghouligan]

Hi I've had depression for a few years now and been taking meds for it for 2 years. Have had attempts of suicide before but this time it feels different. I'm not particularly feeling sad or miserable whenever I think of wanting to die I just genuinely think if I die nothing much will change, it's just the end of MY existance.

I know people will be affected by it and I feel bad about it;that I can cause that much grief if I decide to off myself. But I just really think that I don't have a purpose or any ambitions, there's enough people in this earth already. So if I die I don't think much will change except for the people that knew me. I know these all sounds really monotone or that I'm having an existential crisis. Believe me I've had an ongoing crisis since I've been aware of my existance. I just wanna know if I'm the only one who thinks like this or if there's others out there who's had thoughts like this.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Ghouligan

Thanks for sharing whats happening for you. Sounds like you're struggling particularly with having little meaning or goals. That can be really tough as it can feel horrible when we dont have a sense of purpose. 

It also sounds like you have people around you that do really care about you but we want to remind you that you are important and you do have value to offer this world. 

Some of what youve said makes us concerned about your well being right now though, so we're reaching out to you privately (check your inbox). You're also welcome to reach our support service directly on 1300 22 4636 or online.

Maybe you could share a bit more here for the community to speak to also. 

We urge you if you feel unsafe or that you may act upon thoughts of suicide, then this is an emergency and you should contact 000 immediately.

[Deniz]

Yeah, it’s like you are talking about me.

[Chris_Tas]

In response to your question at end of first post, no you are DEFINITELY NOT the only one who thinks that way.

The reason I know that to be a fact is because I feel exactly the same at times.

I'm glad you've shared your feelings.

It's bloody hard I know but remember the world is better with you in it.

Chris

[Banksy92]

Hi Ghouligan,

I just wanted to reach out and say you're not alone in how you feel and it's not an easy thing to open up about so thanks for letting us in.

Do you have any professional support in your life right now? I know you mentioned being medicated, so I'm wondering if you also have a psychologist to help you manage during these tough times.

Thinking of you.