Depressed and suicidal

[Matthew 2]

I’m 24, I’ve just lost my job, (I’m a Journalist, an honest non-biased one) thanks to someone I held very dear to me.

My Uncle (and Aunt, his wife), has in these two weeks just past, literally ruined my career, my reputation and so on. My Uncle is accusing me of fraud, he is spreading lies about me, claiming I stole upwards of $10,000.00 off of my OWN GRANDMOTHER! I would NEVER do such a thing, myself and my Nan have an extremely close relationship, a close bond. My Nan loaned me $5,000.00 (which I have paid back) however for some unknown reason my Uncle is claiming I’m a criminal, that I’ve committed fraud and so on. Due to his allegations, his threats of involving police, and taking me to court over something that literally never happened.. I’ve lost everything, he called my place of work and trash talked me, causing me to lose my job. He’s spreading lies about me within the family ect. He has ruined my life, I don’t know what to do, or where to go from here, I no longer have anything to live for. I’ve never been so depressed, anxious, angry and suicidal like this before! For some reason that I do not know, when I was younger, I used to have extremely bad panic attacks, until two weeks ago, I hadn’t really had one for 10 years, now I’m having them everyday, for some reason my hands won’t stop shaking, I don’t feel myself anymore, I feel helpless, which isn’t me, I’m usually a rather relaxed, happy-go-lucky guy, I usually help my family and Girlfriend out when they have problems with depression/mental health in general, with everything and anything. I don’t know, my thoughts are all over the place, I can barely hold a conversation anymore as I have so much going on inside my head. I’m getting distracted easily, which is a trait I never had. I have nothing left at all, no job, no money, a Family that is talking about me 24/7. I don’t know. All I can think about is how easy it would be to end all of this, by ending me. My Uncle and Aunt clearly hate me, so maybe more of my family members do as well, I don’t know why. My uncle has made all this, personal, I don’t know what I’ve done to him for him to be this way with me, as we were close, can he not stand the fact that I was succeeding in life? I don’t know, all I do know, is that they want me gone from this Family (for whatever reason I don’t know) so I might as well take myself out. It’s easy, I know how to. God I hate myself.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Matthew 2, 

Welcome and thank you for posting to the Beyond Blue forums - We understand it can be tough to post for the first time, so we are grateful you decided to reach out. We're so sorry to hear about what's happened between you and your uncle - it sounds like an incredibly stressful situation that has you feeling so hopeless and helpless. Some of what you've said makes us concerned about your well being right now, so we're reaching out to you privately (check your inbox) and strongly encourage you to speak with one of our counsellors by contacting our support service directly on 1300 22 4636 or https://online.beyondblue.org.au/#/chat/start.

Our friends at Lifeline are also available anytime on 13 11 14 or https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat for online chat, and Suicide Call Back Service can also offer supportive counselling 24/7 on 1300 659 467 or https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/phone-and-online-counselling/

If you feel at any time that you are unable to keep yourself from acting on unsafe urges of suicide or self harm, then this is an emergency and it's important that you contact 000 (triple zero) straightaway.

We can hear just how much this situation is affecting you but please know that our community is here to support you. Some of them may be able to offer you some words of kindness and advice. We hope to hear more from you soon.

[Chris_Tas]

Stay with us mate.

The people on here are fantastic and I encourage you to take the steps you need.

I personally have no idea outside all my attempts but I'd hope you don't hate yourself mate.

I hate myself also but I'm working on it

Chris

[Eimanny295]

I am so so sorry to hear that you are going through this, it sounds like a horrible situation.

Nobody should ever be made to feel as though they hate themselves.

I am sure you are a good person and you have already taken one good step in the right direction by opening up here and reaching out.

Family is not always everything. I hope you have a support system that is there for you.

Do not give up