No ideas left what to do

[Lazo007]

About 15 months ago i became unemployed. I applied for newstart but was declinened.Over the last 15 months I have tried to support myself but can only find subcontract work.Mainly flyer deliverys  I walk up to 160km a week and over the time have had a broken hand due to slip on driveway tendinitus of leg fall on reo bars hidden in grass and for 2 months pain left wrist due to tendinitus.The pain in my wrist has got so bad it makes playing my bass guitar nearly impissible.Playing in my band is my one happy place so to lose that is hard. Just before Chhristmas i totaled my car and now must rely on public transport.It takes 3 hours to get anywhere and so getting very little woek done , I am stayong at mums and she makes sure im fed but the stress im causing her is obvious in her declining health She is 86. I find myself sinking down and each time i get cloaer to the point of no return. I cant see any way back to being able to support myself and any quality of life. At least if im gone mum gets my super and can use it to ease her situation. I dont know what to do. 

[Suelynn]

You've been so strong over the past 15 months. You have supported your mother as well as yourself. With your physical ailments and terrible times you have persisted. I'm no expert and I can't say I experienced the troubles you have, but you got someone who needs you. You matter. You've been strong and coming here and letting out what you feel shows you are strong. You need someone to talk to, someone to reach out and that itself is a big step. It could be either a person yoy know,  a psychologist or someone random like me. Please pull through because you got a life that's still worth living. 

[Mark Z.]

Hi Lazo007,

I am so sorry for the successive losses you have suffered. I can imagine that you got traumatised both physically and mentally, which is very hard for you. But it's important that you don't lose hope. 

I can tell that you love your mum so much, she will be very pleased if you can get back on your feet. Do you think you can use this period when your body is recovering to upskill yourself?  Including make job market research online, analyse the gap of your skillset, choose some courses especially online training, consult a career coach if need......

Hope everything will be better.

Mark

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Lazo007

I just wanted to send you support and solidarity. Your post really resonates. I’ve previously done the job you’re doing now. Currently I’m unemployed having been a carer for several years while trying to study and managing health issues. I too am struggling at present trying to work out my future and I’ve had real feelings of hopelessness at times, so I get that feeling of not knowing what to do anymore.

I think when you are getting to the stage you’re contemplating no longer being here it’s a sign your nervous system has hit a wall and you really need deep rest and a chance to recover and recharge. I know this isn’t easy when you are still trying to maintain an income.

It’s great you have your music and band. I play guitar but at times have not been able to because of chronic pain issues so I know how that can be demoralising when playing an instrument is a form of therapy. But things improved and I can play again. I think with the right rest and recovery you will be able to as well.

With the flyers do you have to spend many hours folding them? I remember doing that and getting repetitive strain from it, so I’m guessing that may be where you’re tendonitis is coming from?

I know it can feel hopeless sometimes, but everything is in flux and things can improve with new opportunities and experiences. There may be opportunities to do some voluntary work in an area you’d like to work in, building confidence and experience, or upskilling with short courses. But most importantly, be really gentle and kind with yourself right now.

Take great care and let us know how you’re going if you feel like it.