Dear Nixxyboo~
I'd like to join Therising in welcoming you here to the Forum. I have read your other thread at:
https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/family-won-t-believe-me/td-p/5808...
and rather suspect the two problems may be related.
I have depression, anxiety and more, and have found at times in the past I've not remembered what I've been doing, this was related to making preparations to take my life rather than self harm. I woud not be surprised if it is the same sort of thing. My psychiatrist said -in my case - it was 'disassociation'
I'm not a doctor and cannot say if you have the same thing. Apparently it is caused when things get too much. Later I could work out what I did, though that did not mean the memory returned.
Your family seems to lack understanding. I only today walked out of a card shop holding a card and talking on the phone, fortunately I realized and did a u turn and went to the counter. I regard this as simply being distracted by events, happens ot just about everybody and no harm done
On the other hand if your family realise you may have times you do not remember all your actions they may falsely assume you have some ill intent -which is more a comment on them than you. I certainly believe you are an honest person.
May I ask if you are undergoing treatment for the depression, anxiety and the self harm? The reason I ask is that I could not improve myself alone, in fact kept getting worse. It was only when I was under treatment things improved. Now I lead a pretty good life, something I'd not have believed before.
You do know you will always be welcome here. It is great to talk with you
Croix
