I want to ask for help

____ · ‎24-05-2020

For a while, I've been struggling with depression and anxiety and while my parents do know that I was having suicidal thoughts, they think I'm better now, however it'has gotten worse. I kind of want to get help as I'm sick of living like this, but I don't know how to get help. I do not want to talk to my parents as they're awful people and I just want to get away with them. My school's welfare guy and counsellors aren't that helpful and I don't trust them. Unfortunately, the only person I would talk to is a drama teacher who isn't actually my teacher anymore, but I seriously can't imagine that conversation going well. I do have a sister who I'm kind of close to but I can't be around her because (bear with me) she is everything I'm not and I feel worthless around her. Is there a way I can get help without my family getting involved?

Croix · ‎22-12-2020

Dear Neerja~

A pity you will not see that sensible teacher again, however I guess you are starting a new school, and it may have more adult attitudes, plus you may find people you like.

I can't really see you making a mess of McDonalds, even if told to hurry just agree then take as much time as you need to get things right. With practice you will come up to speed.

I know how you feel about basketball, though in my case it is a reluctance to do my back exercises, or walk, I feel too tired. Once started however I find it OK, and the walks actually quite enjoyable. Can I suggest you do give basketball a try and see it it sort of takes over, or if you are left feeling it is just a pain and nothing more (then abandon it)?

It is a funny thing to sort of be dependent on a cat who simply sleeps or occasionally glances at me. I do feel more comfortable writing by the fireside wiht Sumo in position. Maybe it makes me feel more at peace or at home - that all is right with things -dunno.

HaHa indeed! Having squashed feet by a two ton cat is not funny:) Actually I think he wants to be king of the castle when sleeping and that is the highest point .

Croix

Guest_1643 · ‎22-12-2020

Hi Neerja,

My friend got fired on his first job.... he's now a top lawyer lol.

I don't think you'll get fired at all - but if you do - it's okay!!

I hope u have a good time working there and it's a great distraction.

Yay for finishing with the counsellor and finishing the year.

Guest_1643 · ‎23-12-2020

Hi Neerja I can't find any of my poems but this is my favourite poem - it's only two lines. Hope you like it!

In a Station of the Metro

BY EZRA POUND

The apparition of these faces in the crowd:

Petals on a wet, black bough.

---

____ · ‎20-01-2021

Hi Neerja,

I'm so so sorry for taking so long to reply. My laptop broke and I've only just been able to get a new one.

How are you? What have you been doing over the holidays? Are you looking forward to school going back at all?

I was doing okay for a while but the last month has been terrible. All I've really done is eat, sleep, and lie in bed because I have no motivation to do anything else. I'm seeing my psych in 5 days and I'm telling myself I will finally open up to her but i doubt i actually will. I'll tell you how it goes afterwards.

My sister a few days ago and I really didn't think it would affect me this much but it's so weird and sad thinking about how we used to play barbies together and now she's an adult and has left home forever. Even though she wasn't home much, it feels wrong without her. I was used to not seeing her for a week and then walking in on her eating cookies I had made the night before for breakfast. Hopefully I can visit her at some point.

I finished the majority of my assessments but a lot of them didn't get great marks. I'm hoping I'll do better this year. I really want to try my hardest but I don't know how that will go.

My favourite subject is probably commerce because it's quite relaxed. What about you?

Our teachers for the year came out yesterday. For drama I've ended up with the teacher I really like!! He's the one who i felt like i could talk to and I'm so glad I don't have the scary one anymore. Unfortunately I still have the creepy maths teacher and the mean science teacher. Have you got your teachers yet?

I'm so so glad you were able to talk to someone and feel safe and comfortable doing so. How do you feel now?

Recently I've felt like I'm going insane. I've convinced myself I have some undiagnosed mental illness but I can't even work out what it is. I've realised that it's kind of attention seeking and I need to stop thinking I'm so special and different from everyone else. Do you ever feel like that?

Also, congratulations on the job! How is it going?

Thank you so much for being here for me and I'm so sorry for being gone so long

Your good friend,

April

hellohi · ‎29-01-2021

Hi April,

Please don't apologise. The same thing happened to me, my laptop broke and it took a while to buy a new one.

I'm doing ok I guess. I hate school, I don't want to be there, I liked staying home much more. I didn't do much in the holidays but I got better sleep during the holidays than usual. But now school has started, it takes me so long to fall asleep.

I am really sorry that the last month has been terrible. But I am really happy that you've made your mind up that you'll open up to your psychologist. I really hope you do because I want you to feel better.

I understand how you feel about your sister leaving, it is a big change. But hopefully, you can see her at some point and bring her your cookies, she would love them.

I don't really have a favourite subject because all of my subjects are different to the ones in year 9 lol except for math and english, but I guess with more time I would find one I enjoy. Commerce sounds like a really good subject, I did Business Management last year it was pretty interesting and it was quite relaxed too because you would choose your own aspect to focus on.

I am really glad that you got the teacher you like for drama! That is really good! I know what you mean about your math and science teacher, my math and Pathways teacher is the same. Maybe we might get used to them? My english teacher doesn't like explaining things so he just tells us the thing we've to do and that's it. I have met some of my teachers but I took a day off so I missed the day where I had different subjects, I will meet the rest of my teachers next week. How are your classes? My classes are horrible this year, the worst is my english class, the people really make me feel uncomfortable?

I feel the same still. I don't think things are going to get better tbh anymore.

I know how you feel, I feel that way too but I never really got to put that feeling in words. I always feel that I am overreacting.

The job is going really bad, the manager puts me in a station where I work alone, no one talks to me either. The maccas training was trash. Taught me how to press a button to make shakes and ice creams and frying hashbrowns and fries and then tell me that "you are a expert" then when you ask them a question about the things they didn't teach they get annoyed. But its pretty funny though.

How are you? How is school and your friendships going?

Thank you for being here and being my friend. I really appreciate it.

Your friend always,

Neerja

____ · ‎03-02-2021

Hey Neerja,

How are you?

I'm really struggling to get up in the morning at the moment. I have no motivation. It turns out I don't even have the good drama teacher, they just wrote his name down, its just an ensemble period. The good news is my science teacher is now the one I had in year seven! She's really patient and calm but still gets work done. I like her. How is it going with all your new teachers?

I started to tell my psychologist about my depression which I'm happy about. She told me that i will probably have to tell my doctor because she wants to lower my meds but the truth is I don't exactly take them much. I know I should tell my doctor but she's scary, my mum is in the room and either way I feel depressed.

I've really been struggling with my weight and just self hateyness recently. There's a few people who I used to be friends with who have become insanely pretty and skinny. Every time I see them it reminds me of how bad i look compared to them. Especially since we had our swim carnival yesterday.

I get to see my sister this weekend!! We're driving up Friday and I'll get back late on Monday. I'm looking forward to seeing her, however I'm not looking forward to sitting in a car for five hours with my parents lol.

Are you saving your money from work? I always say I'll save my money but it never happens. Maccas sounds really boring. How long are your shifts?

School friendships are confusing. My best friend's pet died and they've been struggling a lot. I'm trying my hardest to help but I'm not the best at it. I'm also sitting with multiple groups and knowing a lot of people is nice in theory but I feel like I don't belong in any of the groups.

How is school going for you?

Thank you so much for everything. I can't tell you how helpful it's been talking to you.

Your good friend,

April