I want to ask for help

[____]

For a while, I've been struggling with depression and anxiety and while my parents do know that I was having suicidal thoughts, they think I'm better now, however it'has gotten worse. I kind of want to get help as I'm sick of living like this, but I don't know how to get help. I do not want to talk to my parents as they're awful people and I just want to get away with them. My school's welfare guy and counsellors aren't that helpful and I don't trust them. Unfortunately, the only person I would talk to is a drama teacher who isn't actually my teacher anymore, but I seriously can't imagine that conversation going well. I do have a sister who I'm kind of close to but I can't be around her because (bear with me) she is everything I'm not and I feel worthless around her. Is there a way I can get help without my family getting involved?

[hellohi]

Hi April,

Please don't apologise. I completely understand. 🙂

I am so so so so so glad that you left that group and found another group! That is amazing news! I am so happy for you! That is so good that tomorrow is your last day at school.

Messing around is good and fun! That's exactly what I am doing. Being lazy, watching tv and relaxing. Today, I was going to read the next English novel, but I spent the whole day procrastinating, lol. Maybe tomorrow...

WOW! You can ride a skateboard! That is amazing! Once I tried, had a really bad experience, lol. Painting sounds really fun! As my school is prep to 9, the year 9's had to leave a mark in the school and my group decided to paint a mural, that was actually the first time I painted.

I bet you are an amazing and talented artist! I would so love to see your paintings!

LOL, that is so true about people who ask to borrow a pen, and when you say yes, they use your whole pencil case. It can be annoying sometimes, especially when you don't know what to say to them. This person asked me for so many pens and lost half of them.

I am really sorry that you won't have your PE teacher, are still able to talk to him? How is your new teacher?

Thanks for being so kind. You deserve and can have a virtual award for 'the extremely and sweet, generous, honest, loyal, kind, supportive, extraordinary and compassionate person and friend.' 🙂

This week has been going ok for me, the death thoughts are still the same and my relationship with my parents is the usual but other than that, it has been pretty relaxing.

I hope you are doing well. How has today been for you?

May each day be bright and joyful.

Warm wishes,

Your friend

Neerja

[hellohi]

Hi Croix,

I found the movie version of The "12 Angry Men" on youtube.

You are so right about how it brings the book to life, you can see the expressions and also their body language too. For example, juror 5 in the book he seems like someone who is one of the people who is prejudice. However, in the movie, you can tell that one, he is nervous and feels really uncomfortable with the other people as he doesn't talk much and votes the kid guilty but had second thoughts too. There was one difference, with the age of the boy. The movie says he is 19, while in the book it says 16. I am still reading the book, it is really interesting. As many come with many perspectives some prejudice, some who hardly care about someone's life is at stake and with some who actually care. Shows individuality. I am really enjoying the book and movie.

I am going to listen to Via con Me, as soon as possible. I don't have my headphones with me. But I bet it is amazing.

That's exactly how I feel. Like no one understands and offline, I am alone. It can be painful. Just knowing that no one is there for me and might never be.

I am really sorry that you went through wearing a mask and feeling that your inside was bad. I know this isn't going to help, but I think you are a great person, you are humorous and compassionate. 🙂

Now, I am going to read your three little pigs joke. 🙂 That's sad that it is your last one.

I hope you are doing well and Sumo Cat. May each day be bright and joyful.

Your friend,

Neerja

[hellohi]

Hi M,

Thank you for your kind words.

I just feel stupid and dumb, because of the way people treat and see me, having those death thoughts, not being able to talk in front of others and being fat and ugly.

Being lazy is fun! I am really glad you are taking lazy days too! You earnt them.

I think you will enjoy 12 Angry Men. Watching the movie and reading the book, makes the experience even better. Many of the characters are prejudice, but how one juror can show another perspective of viewing things is amazing.

I agree with you about my friends. All people have their own problems. I understand what you mean. We all crave acceptance and being part of the popularity competition/hierarchy and everyone has their own way to respond.

I feel like I am going to spend most of my breaks in the art room to just relax and have a break from people when school starts.

I hope you are doing well. May each day be bright and joyful.

Warm wishes,

Your friend,

Neerja

[Guest_1643]

Hey Neerja,

glad to read you've been finding the forums helpful. I don't know how to offer advice regarding having such strict parents, I can relate though, as my parent were very similar.
I wasn't allowed often to go out with friends and there was often no reason or explanation, and it did feel hurtful. I did manage to make some friends out of school which helped a lot but still school was hard and lonely. I am glad you have this forum and hope you continue to meet lovely people.

I'm sure they will find you soon, it sometimes can happen unexpectedly 🙂

Hope you have a good day tomorrow and are feeling well, sending support and goodness

[Croix]

Dear Neerja~

One thing that can be a comfort to remember when friends turn out to be acquaintances, you are sick of it all, and see nothing in front that is better.

The life you can have is like the 12 Angry Men, when you first look there is not much to see and it seems remote and not much sense. However as you find out more it becomes richer, varied, interesting, enjoyable. Even if sometimes it might take a guide to start you off.

People become real, and are of all sorts including the perceptive, worthy and good. There is a place for you in this world where you can be happy and content, and also be one of those people yourself.

Croix

[____]

Hey Neerja,

I have a maths test on the first day back of school next term so I told myself I'm going to study, however I highly doubt that will happen. I'll probably end up doing nothing which is fun, it just means I'll stress out a heap when I'm back at school.

I'm not very good at skating. I can't do any tricks or anything but I just enjoy it and I can't ride a bike (quite sad for a 14 year old) so it allows me to get around. Did you enjoy painting? I don't like art when it's for an assessment but when I can do whatever I want it's very relaxing. It's not for everyone, but maybe you would like it.

I don't know who my new teacher is. I really hope they'll be nice. I don't think I'll see him at all anymore which sucsk but maybe I'll have him as a teacher next year.

Today was my last day of school so I am quite happy and absolutely prepared to be sleeping for 15 hours a day. I'm glad you're relaxed at the moment. Do you enjoy walking? I used to go for two hour walks to clear my head. I can't be thinking too much as it makes the suicidal thoughts start so I prefer to listen to music and just completely empty my mind. You might have your own way of doing that. It can really help with death thoughts to have something to clear your mind. Sorry if I'm giving advice that everyone says.

How are you? I hope you have had an amazing day so far, even if you only just woke up.

Thank you for being such a good friend and I look forward to reading your reply

April

[____]

Hi Croix,

How have you been? Do you have any advice as to what I can do with my holidays?

I would like to download the beyond blue app, however my parents monitor my phone and i cannot download apps without them approving through my phone. I have to be very careful about using this forum. I have to do it on my laptop as they have blocked me from deleting my search history.

This morning my mother let my cats wander around the house at 6:30 which resulted in a lot of meowing and door scratching. Needless to say, I did not have a nice awakening, especially when I opened the door to a very grumpy looking cat who proceeded to turn around as soon as I opened the door and then left. Cats are funny things.

Many thanks,

April

[hellohi]

Hi April,

Wow, you have a test, first day back! That is horrible, your school sounds strict.

We are currently doing linear relationships and probably have a test the week after the first week of term 3.

Doing nothing is fun! I really think you should take a break from school and maybe you could study two days before the test. I understand what you mean about stressing out a heap when school starts, I do the same, lol. Especially if it is a new school year.

I am really glad that you enjoy skating, that is really good and sounds really fun too. I can't ride a bike too lol. I can only ride a scooter, which isn't that hard, as my younger brother can do and he is 9 years younger than me. (That is sad for a 14yo, lol)

Painting is fun, but I am not good at, it just like everything else. My parents don't allow me to have paint in the house because it is too "messy" and "a waste of time".

Yeah, assessments do ruin the enjoyment and relaxation from art. As art shouldn't be assessed, because everyone has different perspectives on what art they like and all art is amazing. Art helps to escape reality and speaks a language that touches emotions and everyone can interpret. Do you have a favourite artist? My favourite artist is Banksy.

I am really sorry that you won't see your PE teacher again, or not until next year. I really hope you get a good teacher too. 🙂

I am really glad that yesterday was your last day of school! 15 hours a day of sleep is amazing! I don't really have a way to completely clear my mind, I guess I have to find a way, I feel like watching tv works sometimes. Walking is fun and really relaxing too, but my parents don't let go out of the house even before Covid-19 began. I am really glad you have a way to clear your mind, music is a good way!

Please don't apologise, I really appreciate your help. 🙂

Yesterday wasn't a good day for me and I used KHL yesterday, they asked the "are you having suicidal thoughts?" I don't know why but I lied and said "no". I just felt so uncomfortable talking to them about it.

Today I woke up pretty late, lol. I helped out my mum clean the house. These holidays I have been tired out for no reason and having headaches each day, which is great. I really wish one day I won't wake up, just have a the end for me.

How has your day been? I really hope you are doing well and having an amazing day too. 🙂

I am really lucky to have a friend like you. Thank you for being here and being my friend.

Warm wishes,

Neerja

[hellohi]

Hi April,

My parents do the same thing with checking my phone all of the time. It's pretty much their phone lol.

I use my laptop too and I have to use when they are away so they don't see, that's why sometimes my replies are late. I am really sorry.

I don't what my parents would do if they found out I am using Beyond Blue forums.

There is a website version for Beyond Now. Here's the link for it:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning/create-beyondnow-safety-plan

Your cats sound really cute and funny! 🙂

Warm wishes,

Your friend,

Neerja

[hellohi]

Hi Sleepy21,

Thank you for your kind words and support. 🙂

I am really sorry your parents were similar.

I hope you are doing well too.

May each day be bright and joyful.

Warm wishes,

Neerja