I want to ask for help

[____]

For a while, I've been struggling with depression and anxiety and while my parents do know that I was having suicidal thoughts, they think I'm better now, however it'has gotten worse. I kind of want to get help as I'm sick of living like this, but I don't know how to get help. I do not want to talk to my parents as they're awful people and I just want to get away with them. My school's welfare guy and counsellors aren't that helpful and I don't trust them. Unfortunately, the only person I would talk to is a drama teacher who isn't actually my teacher anymore, but I seriously can't imagine that conversation going well. I do have a sister who I'm kind of close to but I can't be around her because (bear with me) she is everything I'm not and I feel worthless around her. Is there a way I can get help without my family getting involved?

[Sophie_M]

Hi there,

Welcome to our friendly online community, we are so glad you decided to join us here. We know it can be hard to write the first post, but you've shown so much strength in reaching out here today. We're so sorry to hear that you're feeling so low right now, but please know that you've come to a safe space to talk through these thoughts and feelings, and our community is here to offer you as much support, advice and conversation as you need. We are also currently getting checking in with you via email.

If you feel it may be helpful, we'd really recommend getting in touch with Kids Help Line. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. We’d also welcome you to reach out to our Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport.

We hope that you keep checking back in and let us know how you are going when you feel up to it. We're all here for you.



 

[Croix]

Dear "____"~

Welcome to the Forum and first off I'd have to say you are worth so much more that a blank line, no matter how you feel right now. I had parent troubles -to the extent we parted, and have felt like taking my life, worthless and guilty, though never thought of using a blank line to describe it.

Sophie _M has given you the right information already, the Kids Help Line, phone (1800 55 1800), webchat,email.

http://www.kidshelp.com.au/

I'm repeating it because they are good (which can mean a wait as others know they are good too). You can talk more than once, not even have to repeat your story, a knowledgeable professional comfort.

It is easy to judge others from the outside, and your sister my be clever, bright, good-looking or whatever you find in her you think is not in you. It's really not much of a basis to judge.Trying to compare yourself with others is apples and oranges plus the things that count are not visible, they come out when it is tough going.

You are finding out abut yourself, that your life is tough, and now you have to find you can reach for support. After hanging off far too long I did and that support got me through.

So now we have both said it what do you think? Can you reach out? I know it seems hard, but that is beforehand, after it is much better, beleive me

I hope to talk with you soon

Croix

[____]

Hi Croix,

I've talked to kids helpline and they have helped me to understand some things, but they haven't helped to get rid of or dull the suicidal thoughts. I'm back at school now and I'm remembering why I hated it so much. I constantly have the urges to kill myself, and the only thing stopping me is I have no way to do that at school. When I get home, they're still there, just not as bad. I want to get proper help that's not online but I can't do this, and I know that if I'm about to commit suicide, I wouldn't call kids helpline or anything like that because my parents would find out, and I don't want to talk to them as they make the thoughts worse. I'm trying not to compare myself to my sister but it's been difficult. Thank you for the advice.

[Sophie_M]

Hey ____, thanks for checking back in with us. We're sorry to hear things haven't improved over the last few days, although we're glad to hear kids helpline was able to offer you some advice. We know how stressful going back to school can be and especially so during times like this. Has there been anything helpful you've done in the past to cope with feelings like this? or anyone you feel safe enough to share these thoughts with?

We understand it can be really tough to cope sometimes, especially if you don't have a lot of support from family or friends. We would strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

We want you to know we're here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need and our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we are worried about you.

Keep checking in with us whenever you like. 

[Guest_1643]

Hey there, this is a tough situation and I'm so sorry you don't have the right support. It's not your fault. Growing up in a family with incompetent and negligent parents, I can understand how lonely that can be. I remember calling Kids Helpline once or twice when my parents weren't home. I wish I'd reached out more but of course it was terrifying.

The counsellors at my school were also laughably bad and I never went there.

Do you have a doctor or a gp? You could say you were seeing them for physical check up or something and share with them in a session perhaps some of your struggles?
Or do you have a friend or even a friend's parent?
The drama teacher doesn't sound like such a bad idea, honestly, a caring adult can be better sometimes, even if they're not a counsellor. would it be something you would try?
I think reaching out is heroic and brave and applaud you for even considering it. You are showing a lot of strength in even talking here with us. I hope this strength continues to serve you and help you get to a better place. Your parents don't define you, there will be someone who will respect you and believe you if you reach out

[Croix]

Dear "_____"~

OK, I can understand all you are saying and maybe talking on the phone or web-chat is not going to do the trick. I had face to face consultations with a psychiatrist, plus meds plus therapy. Over time it improved me out of sight. Maybe that might help you

So realy the problem is how to try it. I realise you do not want your parent to know however as things stand you are living the most unhappy and dangerous of lives, and things can be so much better. You are worth fighting for, by you as well as by others.

You can see if the Suicide Call Back Service mentioned above can suggest a way, or you can try Headspace (1800 650 890)

https://headspace.org.au/eheadspace/

Alternatively ring a bulk-billing GP's office, explain the situation and ask for a confidential long appointment, see where that leads.

So what do you think?

Croix

[____]

Hi Croix
I'll try the suicide call back service soon. My GP is quite mean so I don't think I'd talk to her about it, I already have meds and I took them for a year but they just made me numb and I've tried upping the dosage but it didn't work, and somehow the numbness is worse than the depression, especially for the suicidal thoughts.

This is going to sound weird but thank you for telling me 'i am worth fighting for'. I have never been told anything like that before and it was somehow comforting.
April

[____]

Hi Sleepy21

I don't think any school has good counsellors

I quite like the idea of talking to the drama teacher, i have him once a week for sport so i could ask then. I just don't know how to start that conversation. Would you have any advice on that?

I have a psychologist and she helps with my anxiety and dealing with my parents but i cn't talk to her about how bad my suicidal thoughts are as if she tells my parents, that would be a disaster.

Thanks, April

[Croix]

Dear April (with a wave to Sleepy21)~

One approach: (Sleepy has good thoughts BTW) You may be right, the drama teacher, and if it was me I'd write a note saying you are continuing to have suicidal and self-harm thoughts over a long period. Emphasize you have a set of parents to leave out of it as they may be part of the problem, plus a GP and Psychologist you do not trust as you think think they will just report back to your parents.

You can tell him if he is stuck to call Suicide Call Back service himself for advice, that's what they are there for.

Give him time to read it and tell him not to rush but think it though. Leave him alone and go elswhere if you want. Dunno how he will react.

There are a host of medications and dosage sizes available. One set that you endured for a year was not suitable. I'm afraid it is a bit hit and miss as everyone is different, however eventually I got the right ones, I don't even think about them nowadays, just part of life.

A friends parents, if you trust them, might not be a bad idea either, they too can get advice if needed

You have intelligence -it comes out in your writing, you have common sense, you have bravery and endurance, you are here, and many other qualities I can't see ATM -so what's not worth fighting for?

I hope you talk again soon.

Croix