I just found out my brother knew our other brother molested and did nothing

[Serenity22]

Hi,

im trying to breathe calmly right now. I’m already going through a very difficult time with severe chronic pain for the last 4 years, and recently being forced o rely on certain family members I tried to get away from. 
 

I found out half an hour ago from my older cousin that my eldest brother told him (when they were about 17) that my other brother (then 15) had molested one of us girls. 
 

Tonight my cousin asked if it was me. I was shocked because I didn’t know this happened at all. I struggled greatly living at home with my brother (accused of molesting my sister) as he has Scizophrenia and the sick, psychotic nature of his illness was always my problem. My other sister moved out and got pregnant young. My oldest brother left at 17, and I was trying to study/work and hopefully do law but the environment was so unhealthy I didn’t do well. My parents always worked. They were never home…always using money to compensate for them not being there. I put a lock on my own door to protect myself.

but my anger now comes from finding out that my brother at 17 and onwards… never tried to protect me or my sister. He also found out dad was having an affair and didn’t tell Mum because Dad said it would ruin the business/money that my Brother no doubt benefited from. He is still the golden child. 
 

Im suicidal to the point I have a plan. I feel sick with the blood that runs through my veins. I have been suicidal for over a year due to physical pain. Now, the year long triggers regarding my mother, father, brothers….makes me feel constantly worthless. No amount of mirror work, meditation, journaling helps now, because I’m stuck being supported by the only people that make me feel that way. 

I can’t manage on my own. Even with community support, it’s not enough. My life is physical hell and I’m physically stuck in it. It’s a special kind of torture. 

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Serenity22,

That makes total sense. A wrong diagnosis of something like CRPS can lead to wrong assumptions and treatment outcomes. I’m so glad you have Kate who has helped you and seems to be much more attuned with what’s going on in your body. I really hope the removal of the hardware helps and you can start experiencing a therapeutic recovery with those treatments that help most.

It can be such an exhausting process can’t it. It’s like you have to be your own advocate and be really aware of how medical people are perceiving and treating your condition. Surgeons may have the technical skills to perform surgery but not always adequate insight into the whole picture of what is going on. My mum went through four knee replacement operations. The first two were disasters and the surgeon not perceptive at all about what was happening before surgery or appropriate post-surgery therapies. The next surgeon was much better, listened to my mum and the results were much better. Mum also took the type of therapy post-surgery more into her own hands, so to speak, rather than following protocols from the previous surgeries that much worsened scar tissue. She recovered much better as a result.

So I really hope things start turning around for you. It seems to be a gradual step-by-step thing with pain. In my case I did not have CRPS and it wasn’t what I was thinking of in relation to the nervous system and pain. But I have heard of it and I remember it being discussed at seminars I went to on chronic pain when I was looking for answers myself.

 I would say hang onto Kate, she sounds awesome! Trusting what your body responds well to is so important. Another thing that helped me after I had investigative surgeries for my pain in 2005 was time with animals. After the second surgery there was a cat that started visiting. I would pat her and I could feel some of my pain de-escalate. It didn’t get rid of it but it somehow became more bearable. My friend who suffered a serious workplace accident found similar help from three stray cats she adopted. One in particular would lie across her neck and shoulder where the injury was and purr and she said it really helped to break up scar tissue over time and increase movement in that area. Sometimes I think animals are more attuned to us than some other humans are!

Feel free to keep posting here if it helps to do so. Sometimes having people to update your situation to can help, so you don’t feel like you are in a void struggling alone. I really wish for you the beginning of healing. Sometimes it’s just finding that turning point where the healing starts to happen.

Sending you much care and support,

Eagle Ray xoxo

[Serenity22]

Thank you so much ❤️

[smallwolf]

I'm sorry to hear you've been suffering with chronic pain for so long. Your physical and emotional pain is valid and real, even though it may not always be visible to others.

In relation to value and worth, your story can be an education for others if nothing else. Also, I sincerely hope you are able to find moments of relief, comfort and meaning, even small ones, in the midst of this difficult season of life. Please don't give up hope that better days are ahead.

If I may ask ... what sort of things brought you joy before? And how do you spend your days now? I am curious and listening... (and please don't feel you have to answer the questions.)

[Serenity22]

Hi Small Wolf,

Thank you for your message. I actually look forward to replying. I’m going to take a “day off” and just zone out with some great tv today. But I liked that you asked! X

[Serenity22]

Hi Small Wolf

I agree with the words you spoke in your reply. 
 

You most definitely can ask. I used to love going to the beach. I loved walking wherever the path would take me…I have favourite spots and I used to drive there…and walk amongst the lake, the trees. The mix of kinetic energy/movement and nature jive with me. I’ve been that way since I was 13 years old. Years ago I enjoyed Muay Thai, but not anymore. I loved going to the movies. I loved getting ready, doing my makeup and hair. The ritual is something I still do even when I’m home alone. I do have certain mirrors in my house covered with famous art prints. I don’t like catching my reflection often. The pain shows on my face, and I do what I can to change that but it’s hard for me. I’ve always taken pride in my appearance. And through no fault of my own, I can look really bad some days…unrecognisable. When I can afford it, I have a Dr Give me medication. The tension relief it gives me takes away that “pained look”. It’s funny, because I will then get comments like…. Oh…you’re looking so much better! (Even though I’m in more pain, and more immobile)..the perception that if you look well, you feel well, is a recurring theme for me. 
 

My days now are mostly tv based. 3 or 4 days out of the week, my mum visits to help with: taking me to appts, doing a food shop, picking up medication from several places (not because I dr shop, but because some of my scripts are held at the public hospital). 2 months ago I bought a wheelchair with the aim to get to the pool and last week I did..for the 1st time in 1.5 years. I lean on the arm rests and let the chair take my weight as I walk. It’s not enjoyable, but moving is something I do to minimise the pain worsening in general. 
 

I spend time doing my life admin, like keeping track of appts (I average 9 a month), finances, Dr correspondence, correcting the errors of Medical staff, which happens a lot.also making sure I have food and what I need while I have Mum helping. Keeping track of and ordering medications takes focus and energy. Due to the pain, you’d be surprised how busy I am. 
 

I move around the house as much as I can, and keep it clean. At night, when hits dark…I try and walk…it’s usually only 10 min. I only go when it’s dark because it’s difficult, and I like to feel as invisible and relaxed as possible. 
 

I also research and collect information of things I feel will help me. It was Drs and surgeons who have created this problem for me…and it’s always been me to make improvements. Sadly, in the past I’ve not been believed…and there is a history of medical negligence so I feel like I treat my health as my full time job to make improvements. Nobody will do it for me. 
 

Sometimes I do Tarot. Just my own, but I have taught myself how to interpret the cards. Pain permitting, I mediate and if inspired to. I interchange that with visualisation or astral travel techniques. I’ve always felt spiritually protected and that’s often my salvation. 
 

I may have a visitor once a week, or more, or less. 
 

Thanks for asking. And for listening x it means a lot!

Serenity22

[smallwolf]

hello again... 

So many things to reply to, so forgive me if I just go in point form;

• I see from your reply, and thank you for the long reply 🙂 and
• sounds like you are trying to be proactive in doing things for yourself like walking and research.
• It also sounds like your mum is helpful as well and you giving you the support you need in the week. 
• While I cannot fully comprehend what it is like for you with the pain, I do understand the part where you said that people think things are ok because the pain is not visible. Sucks!
• It seems you used to be a very active person and independent person. And whatever happened with the surgeries knocked this for a 6 and totally changed how you had/have had to deal with life... sadness, anger, frustration, and unknowing...?

To end, and this next little bit might sound bad, from what I hear from you is a life of existence and not being allowed to have fun, or that is interrupted by pain. And I wonder what it would take to make things a little better for you? 

Again, please don't feel you have to answer my question(s) but my heart goes out to you. Still listening ....

[Serenity22]

Hello again. I dig point form.

• im with you on wondering what it would take for things to improve
• I know I am doing everything humanly and spiritually possible. 
• its going to go one way or another…it has to either improve, or I will have to end my suffering
• but….I am not saying that lightly. 
• my mindset is positive. I believe i can crate miracles for myself even if I don’t. But I also don’t put any pressure on myself to create one. That intensity isn’t good for pain
• tenacious and calm is an unlikely mix but thats what it takes
• I have to wait and see what happens as a result from the surgery to remove the hardware in my foot, on the 23rd. To see if it helps. 

I will know by the end of the year if I can improve things to a point I can deal with the pain. Maybe even sooner. 

I realise my journey is a very solo one. A spiritual one. You’re right..I’m just existing. Your nick name “Small wolf”…..I wonder if perhaps you understand the solo journey feeling? I could be wrong. Is there another meaning behind choosing Small Wolf? Wolves are often portrayed as lone creatures. 

Thank you for offering your ear. I really do like the conversations. 

[smallwolf]

So... I am back again... 

• I'm glad we can have an open dialogue about this difficult situation. It's clear you're dealing with immense physical and emotional suffering, yet maintaining a tenacious and optimistic spirit - some of those are your words.

• Though the path forward remains uncertain, I admire your balanced approach - remaining hopeful while also pragmatic if the pain becomes unbearable. I hope that everything works out with the surgery later this month. I have my fingers crossed for you.

• Regardless, know that you have tremendous inner strength and courage. Keep being gentle with yourself through this challenging process. There are still possibilities ahead, even if the road is rocky. 

On my name ... you are fairly close if not spot on.

• I used that name when I played MMOs back in the day and it still applies now. I played mostly alone then (I lagged behind because I came from the opposite side of the world and group play due to time zone differences was difficult, hence the "small" and "wolf" for the loner part.
• Due to things in my past, I have that small feeling still and my path in my own and unique.
• While I might feel different (?) to others (not quite belonging), I feel I belong here in the space called the forums on beyond blue - a place where I can be just be ME. 

Your turn ...

[Serenity22]

Hey SW,

Sorry it’s taken a while to reply. I did enjoy yours, though! I just haven’t had much to share! Let’s see….what have I been up to…

1. lately I’ve been meditating everyday. Attempting to incorporate some astral travel. The idea came to me after watching a Netflix series…and my mother told me that its something my Grandpapa used to to. He was a man’s man. A drinker. He made things with his hands. So it’s surprising to imagine that. I figured I may find pain relief if that’s something I could incorporate into my life.
2. I did have to google MMO, and while I don’t have experience in those type of games, I can see the appeal. I loved my SEGA back when I was a kid. Not the same, I know…but sort of 🙂
3. Today, being the weekend, a lovely beach weather in Perth it shines a light on the limitations I now have, so I felt like reaching out to someone who understood.
4. on that note, I don’t really know your story, so I will take a look at your profile and see if I can understand you better. In the event you felt like sharing what brought you to these forums, I’d be interested to know. 

Serenity 

[Fiatlux]

Hi Serenity,

I have just come across your post. I hope that you are doing well.

This happened a lot in families. Don’t be to hard on your brother, he was just a kid as well.

In my case, both my parents knew we had a child molester in our family but they never protected us from him or did anything to stop him, ever. My mother admitted that she knew that this man was evil and she said that she did her best to keep us away from him. But it was my Dad who did nothing as it was on Dad’s side of the family. This evil person molested every child he could.

Take care of yourself and reach out for help when you need it. Fiatlux 🙏🏼