I dont know what to do

[Mick251]

Hey, about 3 years ago my relationship with my parents, and consequently my siblings started become very coarse due to their varied unbecoming behaviours. 2 years ago I decided enough was enough and stopped taking their abuse, I moved out and cut of all ties, I was still at school at the time and moved in with extended family who also were estranged. It was around this time I started becoming heavily depressed with daily suicidal thoughts and very nearly actions on a few occasions, I was prescribed medication which did nothing. After then attempting to join the army to leave my old life behind I was denied due to the medication, which made my only life goal unobtainable, which as you can imagine, made me struggle more with my mental health, I am now living with my partner of two years, who I’ve recently discovered has been dishonest with me, and lies to me, and has completely broken my trust with her actions. My mental health has declined very rapidly since then but I have nowhere else to go, so I can’t leave. And my mental health has taken to much to deal with everything. So now im Stuck living with a partner i dont love, with no career, no family, and depression.

[white knight]

Hi Mick, welcome

We have a lot in common although I am 67yo. Joined the RAAF at 17yo by 20yo realised it was a mistake and left. It was also my only life goal. Then I joined the prison service, then dog ranger, security, crowd control and investigations running my own business. I even considered Federal police, Park ranger, Forestry or Coast guard. There are many other careers out there that are not defence force related but might suit you. These jobs are not attached to a contract for several years so thats a bonus.

Sorry about the abuse you got from blood family, I've been down that road also and am estranged from my mother and sister. My first marriage also had my then wife use narcissistic methods on me. In the end I thought it was me that was the issue but it wasnt. Therefore it is hard to pick your motivation up, believe in yourself and move forward but really, there is little choice for you so I would work on your low self esteem, convince yourself you have been dealt a poor hand of cards and gather all the strength you can. Start thinking of ideas on how to move on from your relationship (if you think counselling wont help and it might) and be flexible with living location etc. Eg save up and buy a camper van and be mobile until you settle with your future.  Plenty of older people needing a guy for garden chores etc and park in their back yard. Its just an idea. I've seen people fruit pick in Victoria one season then drive to Cairns in that season and pick fruit there. 

Here is a thread that might help

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/do-we-expect-a-smooth-road-in-life/td-p/127389

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/depression/clear-the-road-i-m-on-my-way/td-p/102218

Repost anytime, I'd be interested in your thoughts

TonyWK