I don’t want to hurt anymore

[Meljane14]

Hi I am 38 years old have had anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember (think it started when my dad died when I was 6)

I have 7 beautiful children but I’m so overwhelmed I honestly can’t do this anymore I have no family and no friends all I do is clean then go to work I just finished work it’s 1.23am and I’m sitting in my car I just can’t stop crying I honestly hate myself so much 😭 trying to keep my mind occupied so I don’t hurt myself.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Meljane,

Welcome to our community and thank you for reaching out here. We are so sorry to hear how ovewhelming things are for you right now and we can hear how exhausted you are. You mentioned you've struggled with anxiety and depression since you were very young. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and feel like you don't have much support. Please know that there is support available. We hope that you find these forums to be a safe space to express your thoughts and feelings, and our caring community is here to help offer support and advice during this really difficult time.

We are also currently getting in touch with you through email as we are worried about you.

In overwhelming moments like these, please know support is always help available to you, whether it be from the friendly counsellors at our Beyond Blue Support Service (1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467). These services are always here for you 24/7, day or night, and you can access them as often as you need whenever things are feeling like too much to cope with. You never have to go through this alone.

If you feel unsafe or feel you are in immediate danger to yourself, this is an emergency it's really important that you contact 000 straightaway.

We really hope that you can find some comfort and support in the kind and understanding words from our community, and please feel free to keep updating us on what you're feeling and experiencing whenever you are ready.

[geoff]

Hello Meljane, a warm welcome to the site.

It's always so sad to hear a situation like what you've told us, because all you want to do is give a strong cuddle of security, letting you know that you have either someone in particular or a group of people wanting to help you and listen to why you feel this way.

It's not easy having to go inside, simply because your 7 children would all have different points of view, even though you may pretend to them that you're OK, but they can catch you off guard and notice a different face or display an unusual personality you were hoping not to display but this is not possible, unfortunately.

You have an enormous daily schedule that needs to be done each day and hope there is a little relief by the older children helping out with the young ones, even if this is happening, still doesn't mean that your depression of any type will disappear, it can come to someone for no apparent reason and the reason why could be endless, but you can't understand why or perhaps you know, I'm so sorry.

When you are able to, could you please send back a message about what troubles you the most, I only say this because then we can help you further.

All the best.

Geoff.