I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

[LouBelle___]

About 4 years ago by closest friend decided to stop talking to me, the reason has never been told then About 2 years ago I found out my husband has had many affairs. This information destroyed me and made me feel like a big chunk of my life was a lie. I however never left him. My then close friends decided to wipe their hands of me because of this.

during this time 2 years ago I had suicidal thoughts. I was so depressed that I just didn’t want to be around everyone anymore.

we are going on 2 years later And I have major worthless feelings about myself. I am still with my husband but everytime he gets angry at me I have these thoughts again. I’m not depressed like I was I am just not coping with the situation and I want everything to stop.
tonight was one of those situations and I did something I so badly regret doing. I am safe but I feel ashamed of it.

I don’t know how to stop the overwhelming feeling of being worthless in that moment. I am seeing a psychologist who has been a major help but I am ashamed to tell her this. I am so over feeling like I am alone in this world and like I am The odd one out because my brain works differently. Everyone seems to either walk out on me or hurt me. I have no friends left and I am too ashamed of myself To try and make friends as I feel they will walk out on me too.
please tell me I’m not alone. If I’m not depressed then why am I having these thoughts and feelings?

[Sophie_M]

Hi LouBelle$$$,

Welcome to our friendly online community, we are so glad you decided to join us here. We know it can be hard to write the first post, so thank you for having the courage.

We are so sorry to hear that you are feeling worthless. We understand that this feeling must be overwhelming, especially when you are feeling alone. We want to assure you that you are not alone and we're sure that a lot of our community members will relate to these feelings and hopefully some of them will pop by to offer you words of wisdom and kindness.

We're glad to hear that the support from your psychologist has been a major help. We understand it can be difficult to open up at times. If you feel it may be helpful, we’d recommend reaching out to the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support and advice. 

We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.
 

[Matchy69]

Hi LouBelle and I am sorry what your husband did and can U derstand your feeling of worthless as you did not just lose your husband who you thought would be faithful to only you for the rest of your lives to losing your friends as well.This happened to me my wife cheated on me with who I thought was my best friend and I lost both when I found out.My wife's response at the time was just get over it but you can't get over something like that.It is life shattering and still effects me to this day after over 10 years.
I am glad you are seeing a psychologist has been helpful.I know it can be so hard to tell them everything but if you can it be a great weight of your shoulders as well as having someone to talk to about how you are really feeling.
You are not worthless and you have nothing to be ashamed of.It is all on your husband for cheating on you.You deserve better then that and hope you can see that you are worth something.
Take care,
Mark.