How to forgive yourself

[Anzacspirit]

How do you forgive yourself when the voice in your head constantly brings up the things you’ve done. If I can’t beat this it will consume me and that will be it. The only advice my psych has given me is that I’m not a bad person, I just made a mistake, a bad one at that but I need to forgive myself and move on. It sounds so easy , everything I’ve done just replays. I hate what I did, it’s not me. Others have forgiven me but I just can’t let go. I don’t know how to let go. I want to be free of this darkness that is shadowing me.

[Emmen]

Hello Anzacspirit,

It sounds to me that deep down, you still believe yourself to be a bad person (despite your psych saying otherwise), which is why you keep cycling through that mistake in your mind. I wonder if you will find it easier to forgive yourself if you could find redemption somewhere else. One suggestion I have is to consciously find and do activities that allow you to feel good about yourself - helping people, for instance (e.g. looking after the elderly, or doing something thoughtful for someone in need, like sending a postcard to a friend who is feeling socially isolated). Once you've made this a habit, perhaps it'd be easier for you to believe you are a good person, and then you may find it easier to forgive yourself.

Everyone makes mistakes. I don't doubt you are a good person. It seems that right now, you need to start believing it too.

All the best,
Emmen

[Anzacspirit]

Thanks for you reply Emmen, you are right , I feel like a bad person so hard not to after hurting the one person who meant the most to me. I have always struggled to even like myself and this mistake has certainly weighed heavily on my self worth. I actually do paintings for people, it makes me feel good that others like something of mine but it doesn’t make me forget what I did nor change my views on myself. I get the feeling the ups and downs are just going to be my way of life, lately there have been more ups than downs which is good. Just wish I could turn back time and change my past.....

[Bulus_Shabbaz]

Having BPD/and SAD I am well aware of the cycle of self-loathing and guilt one can fall into. I am also from a Christian background and am "programmed" to have certain beliefs on the matter of forgiveness. The Catholic in me is set to the mindset of I am not worthy of forgiveness but if I accept Gods grace I will be saved. But the BPD tends to push me to the Calvinist position that I have fallen with no hope of redemption. I am not here to preach. I find it pretty much impossible to forgive myself and hold onto a lot of residual guilt.

[Emmen]

The thing is, we can't change the past. But we can make our future more meaningful. It's difficult when your mind keeps cycling over the mistakes that were made, but remember that you always have a choice on how you can deal with those thoughts. Will you let it continue to bring you down, or will you use it as motivation to make a future that you can be proud of?

I'm happy to hear that there have been more ups than down lately. You sound like a lovely person and I'd like for you to be able to see that too. Forgiving yourself isn't about forgetting what happened, it's about learning to accept it for what it was - a mistake.

- Emmen

[Emmen]

Hello Bulus Shabbaz,

I am not from a Christian background, so I don't fully understand what the tenets of Catholicism and Calvinism are. That said, I find it hard to believe that your mistake, which you appear remorseful of, can result in you having no hope for redemption. Perhaps it would be good for you to speak to someone within your faith and see how you should approach your journey to self-forgiveness?

I hope this helps 🙂

Warmly,
Emmen

[LiveSadPandas]

Hey Anzacspirit, try to forgive yourself.

Other people have been asked "Are you ok?" and had to say no.

One mistake is just one mistake. Don't make a hobby of it, and you're not a bad person.

Best of luck.

[misshellokitty1987]

I’ve joined this post in hopes to help myself too. I to, made a mistake, and one I feel that will tear me down for the rest of my life. I to have been forgiven but can’t forgive myself. I finally sort help for myself by talking to my doctor who has referred me to a psychologist who I’m hoping can help further.
I hope that all these posts have helped you.

[CalmCat]

Hi misshellokitty1987,

Thanks for reaching out to all.

I've made so many mistakes in life, right now, in this present moment I don't regret any of them. As I wouldn't be here in this moment with out them. For example, I was living at my parents house till 31. I don't regret living there as I got to travel the world with the extra money I had.

I think you mentioned the operative work of 'forgiveness' though. Forgiveness is key to life. Without forgiveness we'd be stuck in the best, thinking of things that don't serve us means today.

Would love to hear more of what you think and fell.

Hope you're having great Easter.

Regards,

Doz

[Anzacspirit]

It’s oh so hard to forgive and forget though. It’s just a mistake I know but a horrible one that is constantly haunting me, can’t believe I did what I did 😞

[Aaronsis]

Hello Anzacspirit

It is great to chat to you some more, I am just hearing what you are saying in the you just cant believe you have made this mistake and that you just cant believe you have done this horrible thing. I just want to ask if aside from a therapist have you shared this with a friend or someone who actually knows you, who loves you and who you could chat to to get some comfort and reassurance from? Sometimes talking in real life and hearing the words leave your mouth is like they are leaving you, I am not sure if you feel comfortable to share your mistake with a friend, this is absolutely up to you and only do it if you feel trust in your friend. I am just thinking that having support from someone in your life who knows you so very well and who you trust might help in you realizing your worth, that you are valid and loved and cared for and that you did in fact make a mistake, that it is ok.

I hope to chat some more to you Anzacspirit and send you hugs and support.

Sarah xx