How to come out?

Phade102 · ‎22-05-2021

Hi all, I'm a 32 year old male that has experienced gender dysphoria since i've been 10. When I was 27, I came out to both of my parents that I wanted to be female. My dad 100% supported me, but my mum doesn't support me at all. She believes its related to my autism, and shes more worried about how my family will feel than how I feel. she actively tries to block me from getting help or talking to anyone about it.

It's gotten to the point where i'm having suicidal thoughts almost daily, I don't want to keep living in a body that I hate, when I look in the reflection I see someone I can't stand looking at, and I just don't know what to do.

any advice would be helpful, I don't know if i'll have my mums support ever, but I can't just keep holding this off because if I do I just know i'll end up ending my life, and that terrifies me.

Sophie_M · ‎22-05-2021

Hey Phade102,

We understand that it takes a lot of courage to be so open and honest with your feelings, and we are so glad that you decided to take such an important step in reaching out here. We're so sorry to hear that your mum has not been supportive since you've told her that you wanted to be female, and we can hear how hurtful and distressing this must be for you when she has been blocking you from reaching out for help or discussing this with others. Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space and our community is here to support you through this difficult time.

We are currently checking in with you via email for some extra support, and would also encourage you to reach out to our friends at Suicide Call Back Service during overwhelming moments like these via phone on 1300 659 467 or via webchat: https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/phone-and-online-counselling Please also know that our Beyond Blue Support Service is available to you 24/7 by phone if you feel up to it, on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our kind and understanding counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

You may also like to reach out to our friends at QLife, who provide anonymous and free LGBTI peer support and referral for people in Australia wanting to talk about sexuality, identity, gender, bodies, feelings or relationships. They are available to you everyday from 3pm-midnight on 1800 184 527, or also through their website at: https://qlife.org.au/

You're not alone here Phade, and we hope that you keep us updated on how you're going whenever you feel ready to.

Sad_Mushroom · ‎23-05-2021

Hi Phade102,,,,No suicide. Be you. Just be you!

smallwolf · ‎27-05-2021

hi and welcome to the forums.

it sounds like this issue is very overwhelming for you. It sounds as though you feel you are not allowed to talk to anyone about this? It is also sad to hear you do not have support from your mother. In say that, I want to acknowledge how courageous and strong you were in telling your parents. And that your dad also seems to understand what you are going through.

Next... please feel free to talk here as well. Others may read this and provide you with supportive and non-judgemental replies and suggestions.

Part of me thinks your mum sees you as her boy having raised for many years, this change is a little much to digest. There are articles on the edu sites about coming out to family and parents. Maybe you could give your mum some things to read.

I can appreciate this is a difficult and challenging time for you, and hope that in writing here a weight might have lifted off you. Listening to you.

Phade102 · ‎29-05-2021

Hi, just wanted to drop in and update (I didn't know this post had actually been approved.)

First, thank you all for the kind words. The suicidal thoughts have always only been thoughts, but they aren't nice thoughts at all.

Secondly, my mum...I'm not sure what changed. I think she's starting to realize just how miserable I am and how serious I am about this, and she told my aunt a few days ago about me. My aunt is completely understanding and wants to know more, which I guess is progress.

Phade102 · ‎02-06-2021

Sadly, I was completely incorrect about my mum. Talking to her today, she has outright admitted she will never accept me, i'm not allowed to transition while I live under her roof. Sadly, without the ability to move out (Which I don't have, I don't have the money) I won't ever be able to transition.

smallwolf · ‎03-06-2021

Awww. 😞

Sad to hear that your mum was not accepting of you.

You did say your dad was supportive of you. You might have to give her more time and maybe your dad could help you with talking to mum?

Suicidal thoughts can be worrying. Please know that if they do get stronger there are the plenty of support options either here, lifeline etc. I don't know whether you have had or looked into professional help you to find a way of moving forward,... whatever that looks like.

You are worthy of the happiness and being yourself

jtjt_4862 · ‎05-06-2021

Hi Phade102,

It takes a lot of courage to be able to voice out to other about who you really are. It is very admirable, and sometimes I feel the world could use more empaths to make the world a better place to live in. You deserve every happiness, and there shouldn't be any judgement against being yourself. I'm really sorry to hear that your mom has very different views, and has given her stern words that she will never accept you. That kind of rejection coming from someone whom you love is very hard to take in...

On a positive note, it's great to hear that your dad is fully supportive of you, as well as your aunt. Also, people change over time too. They might say something now that may sound absolute, but life has it's way of changing people. So perhaps your mom just needs a bit more time, and hopefully your dad and aunt can help your mom to learn to accept you.