how do i move on with life

[IGA]

hello 

just going to start by saying idk if anyone else is similar but i’m really struggling with what to do next 

had some stuff happen (SA/other) and i’ve got a bit of trauma from it but during that time of my life i was self harming daily and tried to leave this earth a couple times. all that coupled with anxiety and depression sent me down a crazy spiral 

it’s now been a while since all that stuff and life has improved significantly. i no longer harm and stuff like that however i do still think about it all the time 

i know that i shouldn’t and that it’s wrong to do it and even though i have no real reason i can’t seem to get it out of my head. i want to put it all behind me but i’m really not sure how to. like i feel as though i should be over it now but it still affects me quite a bit and i still have panic attacks and stuff about it even though it can no longer hurt me 

anyone else in a similar boat or have any idea what to do. i’m really stuck. i just want to be done with it all and forget about it already 

[thisismetrying]

Hey IGA, thanks for sharing your story with us. 

Firstly, you're not alone - I've had a similar experience and personally, I still have to work at managing my lows to make sure I don't dip too far down. Maintaining good wellbeing is a lifestyle, really. 

It sounds like you're in a better place now, but are struggling with thought patterns that are causing you stress and panic attacks. I'd strongly recommend seeking some therapy around this - learning about thought distortions and having someone help you to work through breaking those cycles was incredibly useful for me and I believe it could be for you as well. It's not a '1 session and fixed' kind of thing, but it will really help you learn about how you work and small things you can do to help you be less affected by this. It sounds like it could really help you. 

If you chat to your GP, you can access subsidised sessions that can even cost you nothing, depending on where you go. 🙂 Lots of places offer online help too, so depending on what you are comfortable with you could chat to someone in person, online over video or phone call, or even via text/written messages.

There's also online help, a site called moodgym.com is one that you can access for free and learn more about the patterns behind depression and anxiety. 

A gentle reminder too - there's not necessarily a point where we are completely 'done' with anything, and this experience is a chapter of your life that you might not necessarily 'forget'. It's really important you are able to work through your emotions around the stuff that happened (SA/other) and though it's not necessarily easy, you can get to a point where it doesn't shake you as much and you can move on from it.

Again, I really think therapy could help here, helping you learn about how your brain works and how you can best support yourself now and in the future.

A final note - I also suggest finding the things that bring you joy - even small things like sitting in the sun, doing crafts, listening to music, drawing, etc - and make sure you make 'joy activities' a part of your daily life, particularly on days you find yourself struggling.

All the best on your healing journey - know you're not alone and you can post here anytime. 🙂 

(The BeyondBlue counselling is great too!)