How do I cope with 6 different high stress things at the same time???

Andybigman · ‎20-10-2023

How do I cope with 6 different high stress things at the same time??? My wife has had 2 mental breakdowns in 10 weeks and i have taken on everything that keeps the house running.. We have 2 children with Autism and ADHD with behaviours spiralling out of control. We have 2 separate NDIS reviews happening at the same time. Our house has been found to have black mould after storm damage so we are going in to temporary accommodation while it is repaired under insurance. I have workplace bullying. And I am trying to recover from major surgery in April this year. I had a mental breakdown yesterday.

Eagle Ray · ‎20-10-2023

Dear Andybigman,

It is really understandable you reached breakdown point yesterday. The first thing I thought of was how to alleviate some of the stress. Is there any possibility of getting time off work given everything you are dealing with? To me it seems very valid on compassionate grounds. I am wondering if your GP could write something to support you? Any form of bullying is distressing at the best of times, so having a break from that may help if there is a way to do it, hopefully paid leave.

But in any case it’s really important you find support for you given you have your family having all these needs at the same time. Even just talking to someone outside of the situation can help, such as the BB helpline or Lifeline. Finding some counselling support may be of help and there is a mental health care plan you can get from your doctor for a Medicare rebate to see a psychologist. I know that is more things amongst everything else you’re dealing with, but it’s so important you find ways to care for yourself with so much going on. Even taking 5 minutes to just sit quietly with a cup of tea if there is a way to do that and just be quietly present with yourself to give your system a break from overwhelm. It is great you have reached out here. Hopefully some others will have some ideas and words of support. Take care.

therising · ‎23-10-2023

Hi Andybigman

Each challenge you face would be enough to test anyone, let alone them all happening at once. A breakdown is completely understandable, a time of pure overwhelm where you're forced to break everything down. Everyone has their tipping point that demands something's gotta change.

I've found a breaking point is one thing. A whole other thing involves being able to see the way forward beyond that point. I think there are moments where we can be brilliant seers, easily seeing the way forward, and there there are times where our imagination can feel more broken than we do and we just can't see a damn thing. I find when these moments happen, I've got no choice but to find someone who can see for me and guide me in a number of ways.

While Eagle Ray's offered some things to look at, not sure whether the following are viable options. Sometimes it's about brainstorming with a number of people who might hit on something you can see as possibly working.

Family members who can take the kids for perhaps a week or so, like an exciting mini holiday for them. If it means them missing school for a week, as a mum I've always seen serious wellbeing as taking priority over school, whether it involves physical recovery, mental recovery or some other form of recovery/wellbeing. If the kids are sensitive, they'll be sensing/feeling the emotion in the house. Parting ways for a week could mean a break for them and you
Gaining a solid time frame regarding repairs to the home, means having a time frame to work with. This means not just planning how long you're going to have to manage time away from home but it also provides a countdown to work with, offering a sense of completion to look forward to, with a bit of relief each day as the end date moves nearer
Some online resources, apart from here could involve 'ADHD Support Australia' and 'Autism Spectrum Australia'. Forums filled with supportive parents, when it comes to ADHD and autism, could be another way to go. They may have a lot of ideas based on their experience. Speaking to someone connected to NDIS about the point you're at now, could gain you some added support, resources and direction perhaps
With bullying at work, seriously triggering people can definitely be depressing, stress inducing, enraging and intolerable. Can definitely feel those sorts of people. Not a fan. Wondering if there's a reason for tolerating them, such as them perhaps being in a managerial role that determines your employment there. Wondering if there's a reason for why you can't tell 'em how it is, such as 'I have enough going on in my life without having to manage your behaviour on top of it all. You need to start manage your behaviour. It's intolerable'
Discussing with your wife what she is capable of doing under the circumstances could mean determining what is not a weight added to your shoulders (relief from knowing what you don't have to do). If you can afford a cleaner to come in once a week, could be another way to go

Whether any of that's doable not sure, just brainstorming. If none of it leads you to see the way forward, the challenge involves continuing to brainstorm until there is something you can see as working. People should never give up wondering what will work for someone because that means leaving them alone to work it out. No one should be left alone to work out or work through one of the hardest times in their life.

When cortisol levels are constantly high, we can only take it for so long. General Adaptation Syndrome (GAS), especially the 3rd stage (the exhaustion stage), could be worth researching. Can be hard to see or feel the way forward when in a state of complete and utter exhaustion. I feel for you so deeply.