Gday Everyone *Trigger warning: history of a suicide attempt*

[Guest-2342]

Try #2 at posting...

Gday all

My name is Scotty, and I've been diagnosed bipolar for about 15 years. I had another 15 years of experience with the mental health profession before that, but was mis-diagnosed with unipolar depression, mis-medicated and mis-treated for that period.

I've had 6 psych ward stays over the last 30 years, two suicide attempts, and an unbelievable run of dickhead pdocs and other mental health professionals trying to understand and assist me

None of them have been useful, apart from prescribing me the standard med regimes.

I'm here because I'm struggling again with wanting to stay alive, and because the best help I've ever received throughout the course of my illness has been from other people who have the same disorder.

Where mental health professionals don't understand shit, other patients do, can empathize and understand, and give good advice.

I've come here for help. I hope that you guys can steer me through this difficult time that I'm not managing well on my own.

If you've got this far, thank you for reading.

Scotty

[Sophie_M]

Hi Scotty,

Welcome to the forums! It sounds like you've had a long journey and have gained a lot of knowledge along the way. We're sorry to hear that you're not managing well on your own at the moment. You've come to the right place for peer support - this is a safe and non-judgemental space to talk about what you're going through.

One of the community threads you might be interested in getting involved with is "This bipolar life".

You might also be interested in the shared community thread ‘What’s kept or keeping you here?”.

It may also be helpful to call a helpline in times when you are feeling overwhelmed and need some support. Suicide Call Back Service is a nationwide service providing 24/7 telephone and online counselling. You can call them on 1300 659 467 or chat to them here - https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/

However, if at any time you feel unable to keep yourself from acting on thoughts of self harm or suicide, this is an emergency and you need to contact 000 (triple zero). 

Thanks again for reaching out here, and please feel free to keep us updated here on how you're going whenever you feel up to it. 
 

[Guest-2342]

Bloody hell! Thank you, Sophie, for your both prompt and understanding response.

You're right, I have been doing this for a long time. As well as the 30 or so years of trying to manage my illness on my own, I also was involved with a website for about 12 years that operated as a support site for people with bipolar disorder.

It was there that I learnt more about my illness than idiot pdocs have ever taught me.

But, despite my listening to, and trying to learn from everyone, the piece of knowledge I was never able to discover was how to manage my head when things get scary.

Right now, I'm getting scared, so was hoping that other members here, who have lived through and experienced symptoms like I'm living through, can give me some tips.

I don't really trust the mental health profession any more - my last pdoc cut me loose about 6 months ago, as he didn't know how to help me, and was getting scared of me when I expressed my displeasure at that.

So, now it's just me and my idiot attempts to manage myself, and, more potentially productive, advice and support from people here to keep me going.

Again, thank you for the reply and concern. Means a lot.

[Giraffe]

I too have a mental illness and have had challenges trying to get support. You are welcome here.

[Guest-2342]

Thanks Giraffe.

It can be difficult trying to manage a f***ed up head when you're trying to do it on your own.

Your expression of support and understanding is very welcome.

Again, thank you for looking into my situation, and expressing well wishes and ço-concern.

The world of mental illness can be very lonely and isolated. Posts like yours help to fix that.

Thank you.

[therising]

Hi Scotty

I feel for you so very much regarding the overwhelming challenges that can come with the complexities of mental health issues. It's definitely a relief when you find people who really get you and those challenges. It can feel inspiring at times. Nothing quite like moments of inspiration to raise you and offer relief of some nature.

Raising our self through mental health challenges is something I believe we should all be incredibly proud of. It can feel like a depressing and lonely path at times. It's amazing how you can have so many people around you proclaiming to raise you (your consciousness, your spirits, your energy levels and so on) but when you're not feeling raised, it can make you want to scream. It's definitely depressing when the battle's been going on for so long. It can leave you thinking 'Will this ever end?' While my depression lasted 15 years or so, I can't even begin to imagine what decades of challenge feels like. I have incredible respect for your determination, endurance and hard work in trying to find a mind and life altering difference. You definitely deserve respect, without a doubt.

I think if someone had have said to me in the beginning of my depression 'Okay, this is going to involve 15 years of finding what doesn't work before you finally find what does', I would have said 'Dude, this is not what I signed up for. How is this fair? Can't you just fast track me to finding what does work?!'

It's amazing how much you can discover about yourself while you trying to find your way out, something that you touched on yourself, that website you were involved with for about 12 years. Cant' help but wonder if you were hit with some naturally brilliant revelations that just aren't covered in the world of psychology. With my daughter studying psychology, I asked her whether this field considers a particular concepts regarding the mind. She said 'No, they're not taught'. For an outside the square concept to be considered and practiced, it has to go through years of analysis before it's accepted. In the meantime people suffer. I can understand reasons for the process (to exclude nonsense) but there has to be a better way.

While Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud argued over the psychology and nature of people, it was Jung who made a significant difference to others through his revelations and practices. Sometimes I wonder 'Who will be the Carl Jung of our generation, practicing further revelations that make a difference to those in need?'

🙂

[Mr__Irrational]

Hey mate, understand your pain...been misdiagnosed and given wrong medications for years treating the wrong things.

All I can say is you know yourself the best, you know what you gotta do to make it through those really hard days.

Small steps friend, do what you need to do to get through the day.

Watch a movie, have a drink, play some xbox, do whatever you know has worked over the years to get you to this point.

Keep fighting, your strong than you think!

[Guest-2342]

Hey guys, thanks for your replies.

Mr Irrational, my distraction strategy is to play guitar. I live in Cairns, but have a mate in Melbourne who taught me how to play, and with whom I've been jamming with on and off for the last 30 years.

Lately I've been recording my crappy attempts at playing songs on my phone and sending them to him. He then plays awesome lead over the top and sends them back. It's working well.

Other than that, I got Times crosswords and TV.

I turned 50 a couple of months ago, and can't really think how I could have set myself up worse for for a satisfying life.

Bring crazy really is a rewarding experience. I wouldn't give it up for the world.

Wait, yes I would, in an instant...

[Ggrand]

Hello ScottyDone..

Awesome way of playing guitar with a friend...My husband used to play along while listening to the groups he liked, taped himself on an old cassette tape...

Do you have any favourite groups or songs...I remember that hubby would play for hours some times 4/5 hours at a time and only thought he was playing for an hour...Guitar playing is a great distraction to get the wrong thoughts out of your head...

My kind thoughts dear ScottyDone..

Grandy..

[Guest-2342]

Gday Brandy, thank you for your reply.

I'm getting on a bit now, so I like a lot of old time rock'n'roll.

My favourite band is probably the Stones, but when I first started seeing bands live (in Melbourne) it was Hoodoo Gurus, Hunters and Collectors, Chris Wilson and Crown of Thorns etc ..

Considering that I started playing guitar about 30 years ago, I'm pretty crap, but I enjoy it and it makes me happy.

Plus, my friend is good, and he can make my rubbish sound reasonable by playing lead over the top.

It's a welcome escape, and despite what my neighbours think, I'm gonna keep doing it

Small steps, I was advised earlier. Guitar is certainly one, even if it's a creaky broken step that leads down to the cellar where the lights don't work.