Dont know what to do

[Oldbar fisho]

A bit about me

I have suffered pain every day since 1997.after 7 spine surgeries it has come to this .I have to live with nerve pain and a left leg that no longer works properly.

I have 2 daughters and 2 step daughters which all love me but I have reached a point that I'm just done with this life.

Is it so bad to just want to be pain free and have a positive way forward. But I've exhausted all avenues and feel that I just want it to end.

The last surgery's 3 over a month ended up with a complete lumbar fusion that has not only made things worse but now I cant work.

Any advice would be good on how others deal with these feelings

I just want to be pain free and I dont know of any other way out of it

[Sophie_M]

Hey Oldbar fisho, 

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and thank you for opening up to our community about your situation. 

We're so sorry to hear of your physical disabilities and acknowledge the emotional toll this would have. We can hear that you've tried many avenues for support and feel exhausted and lost. We're really glad that you've reached out here for support and we want you to know we're here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need.
 
Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we are worried about you.

Can we ask if you currently have any mental health support?  If not, we would urge that you do seek professional support to help you work through these thoughts that you're experiencing. If you are not sure of how to access mental health support, please contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. We also hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

Thanks for again for sharing your story,

[Hanna3]

Hi and welcome Oldbar!

I speak as someone who came down with chronic back pain about six months ago, with nerve pain (severe) down both legs into the feet. I do understand how you feel believe me! Chronic pain - and nerve pain - is horrible and exhauxting.

At first the pain was so severe I was nearly demented! Then I got fed up with being on painkillers. So here's what I did to get the pain down to an very manageable level - so that the pain is really mostly just felt as a slightly uncomfortable sensation. I do have occasional flare up days like today, if I get over tired.

First of all I started walking more - a little bit more each day. Plus I got off the painkillers bit by bit. I now don't take any at all. I have weekly physiotherapy, and the physiotherapist put me onto talks to Lorimer Moseley about chronic pain... there are several Utube videos by him, he's an Aussie and I'd definitely recommend you watch him and any others that look interesting.

So chronic pain can be helped enormously by using distraction (watch a movie, read a book, play music, whatever works to take your mind off it). Also meditation. Muscle relaxation is hugely important - I use rotating heat packs, the sort that you buy at a chemist and heat in the microwave - the wheat ones. Also stretching exercises,about 30/day. Swimming is superb for your back, or walking in water. Good comfy supportive walking shoes!

A positive mindset and determination to deal with the pain and recover is essential - you can do this! Do you have a good library you can borrow books from? Get whatever you can on mindfulness and dealing with chronic pain/back pain. Pain management has changed hugely these days, and it's mostly a matter of dealing with retraining your brain not to over-react to painful stimuli.

I am proof that in a few months i have gone from excrutiating nerve pain to walking almost pain free. I do have a rest in the middle of each day, but nothing like as long as I used to - just a short lie down. I go out normally, walk my dog, go to cafes, drive, whatever. It can be done!

I know it's a bummer to have chronic pain, and I am going to have to be careful about it for the rest of my life, but believe me I have gone from pain that had me almost demented to pain which is very mild and manageable. Do watch the videos by Lorimer Moseley on Utube! Good luck! You can do this! Cheers.