Depression Sucks

[KAlice17]

Hi guys,

This is my first post on here so I don't even know if anyone will come across my post.

I am 23 year old single mum with a daughter who is 5 years old.

I recently got Diagnosed with Depression back in 2020. Ive been taking medication for it since then and I feel my depression can be good for months & other times it is so bad that I don't know what to do anymore.

I feel like I cannot talk to my family and friends as I am a huge overthinker as well and I feel like if I am to tell them I am falling back into my dark place that they will think 'here we go again'. I have put them through hell the past two years and I don't want to worry them anymore than I have. I live in a small town and the two friends I have live 8 hours away from me & I feel that sometimes they just don't take my depression seriously or care as much as I wish they would. I would post that I'm feeling upset and they will see it and not even swipe to see if I'm okay, I know people have their own lives but I feel like sometimes I just have no-one to go to. Hence why I am posting on a page, I feel like I am more comfortable speaking to strangers about my depression then the people I know personally.

I am currently 3 months clean from self harm but I still have the urge to go back and hurt myself again. I do not want to tell my family & friends as I feel like half of them look at me like I'm attention seeking.

I just wanted to post on here to see if anyone else is feeling the same way as me and if anyone has any advice on what to do when feeling like depression is taking over your life again.

[Sophie_M]

Hey KAlice17,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums,

We're so glad you've chosen to reach out tonight and know many other users will be able to relate to your experiences of depression. Hopefully, some of them can offer their advice on how to challenge these negative thoughts and feelings. 

We're so sorry to hear your family and friends don't appear to be taking your mental health condition seriously. It sounds as though you're really struggling. You have mentioned that you have a diagnosis for depression. Can we ask if you are you currently receiving mental health support? If not, we would urge that you do seek professional support to help you work through these thoughts that you're experiencing. If you are not sure of how to access mental health support, please contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport

We've sent a private response to check in with you also.  Please feel free to keep us updated here on your thread with what you are feeling and experiencing whenever you feel up to it - we hope that you find this to be a safe and non-judgemental space.

[Petal22]

Hi KAlice17,

Wellcome to our forums!

So sorry you are feeling this way it must be difficult for you…….

If you feel like your depression is coming back how would you feel about going to see your gp and discussing how you are feeling currently?

Are you currently seeing a psychologist?

I had severe anxiety OCD but I’ve now recovered from this condition….. thanks to the help of health professionals….I know we have different conditions but if I can recover there is hope you can too……

Hang in there, there is light at the end of the tunnel….

We are here on these forums to support you….. your not alone

[therising]

Hi KAlice17

So sorry to hear you're struggling so much when it comes to your mental well being. It can definitely feel both fearful and heartbreaking when you sense yourself sliding back into the darkness. That thought 'I was doing so well, I was working so hard on myself. Why am I suffering again?' is a legitimate thought yet still a very painful one.

I admit to being a super sensitive over thinker. Actually, I'll rephrase that in the hope that you might be able to relate to where I'm coming from. There's nothing wrong with admitting to being...a deeply feeling person who can sense so much and analyse life to the point where they'd give any philosopher/natural questioner a run for their money. I can't help but wonder whether you're surrounded by wonderful people, like yourself. What I mean is...is there anyone you know who you could sit with in a major life questioning session where you're both so full of wonder you naturally hit on revelations which can prove mind altering (in a good way) or are you more so surrounded by people who don't tend to ask the deeper questions? Are you a very open minded person compared to most, often wondering or questioning? Are you a seeker of answers to the kind of questions not a lot of other people tend to ask?

Do you feel you came here in the hope of finding people who can really relate to how you're feeling? I believe the people who can relate best to the challenges of depression are the ones who have felt it for themself. While I've found there to be so many benefits to being highly sensitive, being so sensitive can also feel like a curse at times. While a highly sensitive person holds the ability to sense joy so easily at times, they can also sense the deepest of pain just as clearly. Depression can feel so heartbreaking and soul destroying.

Do you find you've been able to identify some of your triggers over time? These could include certain triggers for entering into a dark time as well coming out to some degree. Do you find you can easily sense certain triggers. For example, you can be having a conversation with someone when you speak of something that really resonates with you and the other person comments along the lines of 'That's ridiculous'. All of a sudden you can feel or sense a down shift in your body, as though that person's just deflated you. Your whole mood changes.

As a mum, I can say my kids tend to raise me in a lot of ways. They often challenge me to change. Do you find this with your daughter?

🙂

[geoff]

Hello KAlice, and a warm welcome to the site.

If you are suffering from depression then it certainly is not 'for attention seeking', especially when you know how debilitating it is and when it appears to cut you off from the rest of the world, your friends and your family.

Talking to your friends who live 8 hours away, don't actually know the full impact this has on you when are speaking to them by phone, zoom, text or whatever because they finish the conversation, put the phone down and then get on with their own life, rather than if they were close to you then it's possible for them to know exactly how you are feeling 24/7.

This is not necessarily a fault of anybody, but the circumstances that prevail.

Those that believe they have overcome their depression expect that everything will be OK, however, we never expect any triggers that can cause us to have a relapse, so it shouldn't be 'here we go again' but be taken seriously as this illness is so strong and is capable of returning at any time, unexpectedly.

People who self harm may have a brief, temporary relief but you're left with repercussions later on in life, just as an alcoholic who has given up, suddenly decides they need to have another drink after being sober for 6 months, but that's not what will help you overcome a relapse, as I have encountered myself but now I don't drink anymore.

You may ask why am I saying all of this because I believe the principle is the same, try and prevent yourself from doing this and accept that you need help again, there is no fear in accepting this, just as there isn't for someone who has abstained for months, we all need continual help with any type of mental illness.

Please get back to us when you are available.

Geoff.