Dark. Thoughts

[Deputy-coroner]

Hello in a dark place with dark thoughts had cat team on Saturday they’re not understanding I’m in a dark place very much appreciate your help and support thankyou in advance cheers deputy coroner

[smallwolf]

@Dc - you are just as deserving of support as anyone here. I don't know much of your story and you don't have to share what you don't want to either... I am interested a little in your story - what you do? things you like etc? If you want to share.

I noticed in your last post you mentioned an email service, and again, not asking you to share, but perhaps look at this forum is a place where you can write and people can reply to support you. Obviously some stuff would be sensitive and perhaps not shareable but might be a good start.

Hoping you had a OK day.

[Deputy-coroner]

Thankyou kindly smallwolf for getting back to me - you’re very kind - the police haven’t followed up with me but I totally understand - I know they’re very busy - I emailed the ambulance yesterday - they never got back to me - I called the cat team 2 days ago - they never got back to me either - I just contacted crimestoppers via their online form - I’m not a triple zero case so I didn’t know who else to contact - I’m not a hospital case so it’s difficult to get support - rang suicidal callback service yesterday again - they’re helpful and encouraging but there’s nothing they can do - they told me to contact beyond blue - I spoke to beyond blue chat recently - they were very helpful - if crimestoppers don’t get back to me I’m stuck for help - thankyou again for the follow up - you’re very kind.

[Deputy-coroner]

Thankyou Sophie M for sending me the email with helpful advice much appreciated - I’ll try your safety planning app - thank-you cheers

[Deputy-coroner]

Just chatted to beyond blue about an hour ago,- beyond blue has been my best resource for help - the counsellors are really helpful here, I think I’m at the point where I’m only going to get some type of follow up or support if I call triple zero -,I don’t want to create an emergency situation so I can’t see me doing that, I honestly don’t want to trouble the emergency services - it’s a big deal calling triple zero - sirens scare me so I can’t see me doing a triple zero call - have been doing abor

[Deputy-coroner]

Have engaged in some risky behaviours over past two and a half weeks -  have discussed this with police on Monday which has been a relief to discuss this this with someone, problem is it’s not a police issue, it’s more of a cat team or psych services issue - I just wish it would have been possible to get support or some type of follow up from the psych services without the drama for the emergency services and hospital drama - I can’t do a triple zero call - don’t want the drama for the services and I think I’d run if I heard sirens - I’m a really severe anxiety case. Tried the beyond blue safety app but can’t do a triple zero call. Any suggestions would be much appreciated - crimestoppers never got back to me either - there’s no crime - I just have suicidal issues. Thanking you in advance for any support cheers sending my thoughts and prayers to all who are struggling.

[Deputy-coroner]

A free coffee at the coroners court is looking good

[smallwolf]

Have you tried calling lifeline? (That is not to say the support you have been getting is not good, but just another number you can add to the toolbox, for lack of a better word. Going back a few years, their number was part of my safety plan.)

[Deputy-coroner]

Hello smallwolf, thankyou again for your support - I contacted lifelineline today was completely honest with them - used their online chat - they are a very supportive service but as discussed with police and my gp I’ve been doing aborted attempts - I’m aborting the attempts because of anxiety - I don’t want to pull out emergency services over aborted attempts - stuck for help - beyond blue told me to contact lifeline today so followed their advice - gp says that because I’m aborting the attempts it’s a sign from the universe that I’m meant to stick around but that’s not stopping me from trying attempts. I contacted a doctor in sansfranscisco about a couple of weeks ago cause I couldn’t get help here in Australia from the cat team - I was hoping I could speak to the psych services in America - the equivalent of the cat team over there - I’ve seen YouTube videos where suicidal people can get help in America - my text messages to him wouldn’t go through even though I paid for his consultation - maybe somethings wrong with my phone with respect to international sms messages - a doctor in the states is my only hope now - I’d have to make a call but I get anxiety making calls on my phone and discussing stuff like this over the phone is stressful- I usually only answer my phone when my gp rings because of severe anxiety issues. Thankyou for your support

[smallwolf]

hey there... 

what do you think of your GPs thoughts on it being

a sign from the universe that I’m meant to stick around?

from your posts it sounds that you are constantly stressed? And perhaps struggling to the find any light from where you are located. But I would like to go back to what your GP said to you...

I believe we all have a story to tell. And that you are just as deserving as anyone else of happiness. I am certainly unaware of what has happened in your life, and perhaps you have not had that chance to tell your story and that others might learn from it. In my own story, when I wrote some things down, what seemed like a thousand things going through my mind were just permutations of a couple of narratives. 

I am wondering how you might feel if I asked if you might share some of your story?