Confusing thoughts. (Delete if need be)

[Yellow-Thorn78]

I'll make this part clear; I have not been having suicidal thoughts. In my mind I have never had thoughts about committing suicide. I've posted once or twice on different forums for help I guess I don't need since I can overreact. The question I need to ask however relates to a rephrasing of the term that I can't help but feel make people feel as if they're simply stuck when processing thoughts including myself... especially myself.

Maybe it's too cryptic but the idea is this:

Is your life worth living? Yes. I can't stress that through the day tomorrow and the day after that will bring you some peace. Your personal experience has value, meaning and purpose. I won't comment on this further since I have expressed that I have never felt suicidal feelings. The professionals on this site will put it in so many better words. I say it because it serves as a pre-context to what I find confusing and strange.

Is living worth your life? Within this context, living relates to the broader context in which we as humans operate. Living feels inherently societal, communal, extrinsic - whereas life feels personal and intrinsic. It's confusing to me because when I ask myself "is any living worth my life" I say no. I want to explore, try new things, I don't believe that most if any path is worth the effort that people place into them. People should feel comfortable to change jobs when they want, meet new people (whether selfish or selfless) for support when they need that sort of support. In rain and shine, people find that they need different things at different times.

But life rarely feels that open. It feels more siloed, walled off - not mutually inclusive but exclusive. And that frustrates me.

As I said, maybe this is the wrong train of thought, or maybe this is an inappropriate forum to post this (Delete this if need be). Maybe I'm asking too much from the world - but I can't imagine how much my children, grandchildren and their children will be asked for from the world and then feel that where I am now and what I'm doing will be okay for them. 

[therising]

Hi Yellow-Thorn78

I've found over the years, when dealing with depression, that a lot of philosophical questions can come out of a depressed state of mind. Perhaps it's because we're led to ask our self the deeper questions while in that state. When the same questions are asked with a different tone (other than a philosophical or curious tone), the answers can be different. From a curious or philosophical point of asking 'What's my purpose, why am I here? Why do I suffer so much? What's the point of life' the answers can be liberating. Same questions asked from a depressing or a depressed point of view, will have a depressing tone, with the answers perhaps being 'I have no purpose. I will always suffer. There is no point'. In order to help manage my mental health, I've found it definitely pays to track down other philosophers who are going to lead me to the right and liberating answers, as opposed to the wrong and imprisoning ones.

I figure, if part of my main purpose for being here involves gradually finding out who I am and how I tick, the longer I'm here the better. Those kinds of things take decades to work out. Within those years we may find out what deeply depresses us and what leads us to feel incredible stress and anxiety. We may also find out what naturally raises us to feel the kind of high end emotions we once thought were out of reach. In the whole process, we can truly amaze our self (officially making us amazing). Whether we're amazed by how we can manage to jump out of a plane with a parachute on (defining us as a risk taker or daredevil) or how we can develop our intuition to the point where it's mind blowing, there will be some amazing moments.

One of the amazing revelations that can come is 'I am a philosopher of sorts. Oh, wow, I had no idea until now'. Another may be 'I have the ability to sense so much, which includes sensing the deep need to ask certain questions (on my quest to know myself better). I am sensitive or can sense in so many different ways'. Then you can look around and start to think 'How many philosophers am I surrounded by? How many people do I know who can sense in the ways I can?'. If the answer is 'None', then the challenge may involve finding such people. If the answer is 'One', then the challenge may involve developing a deeper connection to the one person who we can relate to and who can relate to us.

This 'life' thing is definitely a tough gig at times, that's for sure. As a 54yo gal, I'm still trying to work it out as I go along 😁