I’ve recently been diagnosed with adjustment disorder due to ongoing psychological trauma since the age of 16, although I honestly though I had it all handled and was doing well, apparently that’s not the case.
I’ve been suffering with intense shoulder pain (my muscles feel rock hard) which then causes neck pain and like a domino effect causes me to have headaches at the back of my head. My doctor had prescribed me muscle relaxers and anti inflammatories but they even done nothing. Last night I took myself to the ER because the pain got so bad, I was given endone and sent on my way (still in pain).
I just don’t know where to go to from here? I’m seeing a psychologist for talk therapy but I can’t continue to suffer through the physical symptoms. Last night I kept having this reoccurring thought that if I couldn’t get rid of this pain I was going to kill myself. I know the sounds like a drastic measure but I can’t handle the pain.
Had anyone dealt with chronic pain? How do you get doctors to take you seriously and stop pushing pills that don’t work? I’m at my wits end.
We are glad that despite all the pain you continue to endure you have come here today to share your journey, and we acknowledge your strength and doing so. We can’t imagine how debilitated and defeated you must be feeling after not experiencing any relief even after taking yourself to the ER. Please know our community is here to work through this difficult time with you. If you’re finding it difficult to manage thoughts of suicide and or self-harm it is really important that you reach out to professional supports who can assist with creating a plan to stay safe.
While you wait for a response from our community, you may wish to talk things through with our Support Service. They are available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or at https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support for online chat (3pm-12am AEST) & email (responses within 24 hours).
You may also find ringing Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800) to be helpful. They offer free phone counselling services 24/7 and you can even contact that via email or webchat through their website: https://kidshelpline.com.au/
We encourage you to keep connected here and continue to share your thoughts and feelings whenever you feel up to it.
Chronic pain is something I have not experienced and I am so sorry that I am not able to give you the support you need on how to battle through these times. What I can do is welcome you here, provide a place for you to talk and to share how you are feeling and to listen to you, but also to let you know that your life, while so very hard at the moment is not just this pain. I can hear how it is taking over your life and I can only imagine what you are going through. I am so very sorry that you cannot have some relief from this.
It is so very brave or you to reach out here and to acknowledge that you are having thoughts of taking your life. As Sophie_M has put some resources here for you, I hope you can reach out too, just to even have a conversation to remind yourself that this is not going to be like this forever, that death however, is very final and you matter so much.
I am sure that you have resourced to the end of the Earth ways to relieve the pain, I am not sure if something like acupuncture or dry needling might be able to relieve just some of what you are going through which might just give you some relief.
With regards to your trauma, I am not sure if you wanted to share some more about that, to get it out and to get some support and someone to listen and to help you get it off your chest? I am here to listen and to sit with you if you would like to share how you are feeling.
I hope to chat some more to you Gracee_'s
Huge hugs to you
Thank you for your response. You’re right, death is final but this pain isn’t forever, I need to keep reminding myself of this. I tend to spiral when I’m in pain and I can’t organise my thoughts rationally.
In regards to the trauma, it started around 15 when I moved in with my step mum and dad. They were incredibly manipulative and nasty towards me. It started off with small things like getting an A and that not being good enough and it soon got to the point where my step mum was making things up to tell my dad (who worked away in the mines) and would result in me being grounded and isolated from friends and family. At one point I did attempt suicide and my step mum and dad told me how selfish I was to interrupt their trip (as they were going away on holidays) and told me I needed to be put in a mental institution. I managed to make it through school and then I got kicked out at 17. From then on it was a rocky relationship but I tried to work towards dealing with it just so I could see my sisters. Anyways, fast word to this year (five years later) a minor dispute between my step mum and myself resulted in her saying some incredibly nasty things. I responded by simply stating that if she was to continually belittle me and make up lies that I didn’t want anything to do with them. Her response was “good riddance, 2020 will be much better without you”.
Now all of this has built up and is the reason why I’m having chronic pain. I thought I was coping really well but my psychologist has let me know that my body has gotten so used to be in fight or flight that it doesn’t know how to relax.
Thanks for your recommendation, I might try acupuncture or dry needling to see if that’ll help. I’m just so lost on what I can do. I have a high stress job (teacher) and I can’t keep taking time off as it’s unfair on my students and my colleagues.
Great to hear back from you Gracee_
The one great thing I can hear here is that the pain is related to stress and trauma and not injury, that means that with some help, some support and some care for your body you can defeat this pain, and also manage that trauma as well and get some goodness into your life, you deserve that.
I am really sorry that your step mother has said those hateful things to you, I guess that comes from something in side of her too, maybe she feels and has felt threatened by your relationship with your dad..or that she has to compete with you, regardless they are horrible things to do to a young woman and I am so sorry that you had to experience this, that your dad was away and that is what you had to endure. The great thing is now you are an adult, you get to make choices for you, you choose who you want in your life and you have the power to remove her words and her from your life. I am wondering what your dad thinks about all of this? It is very possible he has no idea of her behaviour too...it is also possible to have a relationship with him ...without her...
There are some really great therapies around and I am sure with some massage and some care, some care for your mental health you can start to repair your body that is hurting too from this pain.
I am so very proud you can see that your life is so much more that this pain, that there is hope and that there is help and that it will not be like this forever. That you are loved and you have so much to live for. Dark days are hard, really hard and I so glad you have been able to reach out.
Teaching is one of life's gifts, the power to influence young minds and grow the people of tomorrow. Not only can you teach them to read, but I can see how much more you have to offer them too Gracee_, resilience, care, care for others...teaching is no easy job and it takes a gift to be able to do it..well done to you.
Time off is important although racked with guilt I know..however..if you had a broken leg and could not walk you would do what you need to do to get it repaired and move on with your life, your mental health deserves that level of respect too.....you matter and with some help you can be the best version of you....