At a loss

[Ms_Catch22]

Both my husband & I suffer from anxiety & depression. I love him very much and because of this I am always reluctant to truely voice how I am feeling as it will push him further in his downward spiral. I “must” be the strong one, the provider, the home maker. I can’t sleep, have lost my appetite, there is no joy and I no longer fear death and yet I must push this aside whilst I help my husband deal with his issues (for which we are finally getting assessment/help from. The “system”) I am at a loss as to what to do. I don’t know what can be done to help me as I cannot afford to take time off work as we need my income. I have cut myself off from friends over the years as I get anxiety about to committing to any interactions and so i have lost any potential support network. I don’t even know why I’m posting this. I suppose I’m putting it out there so I can try and stop the same words circling in my brain.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Ms Catch22, thanks for joining us on the Beyond Blue forum. We're really glad you've posted this afternoon and we hope that our community can help ease some of the anxiety and stress you've been experiencing. It sounds like you are in a very difficult position having to balance your own mental wellbeing with your partners. We would recommend that you get in touch with an organisation called Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277. They provide relationship support services for individuals, families and communities and aim to support all people in Australia to achieve positive and respectful relationships.

In addition to this, there are always counsellors available via phone for your most difficult moments. Some of these 24/7 services include Lifeline on 13 11 14 / https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat (online chat available 7pm-12am) or the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467.

Many in our community have also been through a lot in their lives and will be able to talk through these feelings with you. If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best support you through this.

[Ms_Catch22]

Thanks for responding, I feel if I voice how I’m feeling to my husband he will follow through with certain actions. Usually we can pick each other up but at the moment we are both in a dark place. I do not want to be responsible for making him feel that he is not loved or appreciated. And there is the catch, I know he loves & appreciates me but I really do not see any point to life when there is no joy, nothing to look forward to, other than more physical & mental pain. I’m sick & tired of being sick & tired.

[Croix]

Dear Ms Catch22~

OK, you seem to be in a trap, your own mental health is very poor, anyone who says "nothing to look forward to, other than more physical & mental pain. I’m sick & tired of being sick & tired. " is very badly in need of support.

At the same time the most important sort of personal support seems to be denied you as you are frightened anything you reveal may make him take his life if I understand you correctly.

As someone who has tried to take their life I can try to give you a few thoughts, I'm no doctor but would suggest:

Firstly no one person can keep another alive by themselves, it takes a medical team, the people around them and something from the person himself too.

Secondly you are taking too much on yourself, the pressure is too great to be sustained, you may become incapable of helping anyone.

Thirdly I am unsure if you are receiving proper medical support yourself, if not now would be an excellent time to start with a long appointment wiht your GP, you need that support, even if it means ducking out of work for a medical appointment.

Fourthly if I had thought I was supporting my partner as well as being supported by her I would have felt a bit less useless -whch is a big thing. How this is presented may take some gentle handling.

May I suggest you both need an individual Safety Plan, something you fill out well in advance and grab when overwhelmed and all thought seems just too much.

The one I use is a free smartphone app

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning

Now the nice thing about this is it allows for all sorts of unexpected things, I've everything from music to comedy routines on YouTube - plus umpteen more.

There is another benefit in that I found I was hopeless at thinking about things that gave me a lift - like those comedy routines. I needed my wife's help as she knew me better.

This means if you are each helping each other neither of you is as frightened or powerless as well as having a convenient thing to do when it all gets too much.

Please also take note of Sophie_M's suggestions, they are good ones, and the organizations are there for people like you, it is no big thing to get in contact

I hope to hear from you again

Croix

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