Dear Pallets76~
I guess this is a pretty frightening time, it has been for me, and you have my sympathy going though this.
The idea is to have a Safety Plan, not a bad idea in any case.
I'd suppose the most iportant thing first is constant consultation with your prescriber, it may be these thoughts are not the normal reactions and your medication needs to be varied.
I would also most strongly suggest you tell someone else - this saved my life as I eventually told my partner and things improved. She was a sensible person to rely upon, did not overreact and led me to proper treatment. Disclosing how you feel to another is a hard thing to do, Beyond Blue has some helpful ideas here
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/feeling-suicidal/talking-to-someone-about...
If you find that the situation is becoming overwhelming then you can have a sort of ladder of things,
First be with that someone else, if it is another who does not know there are no worries, just being with a friend or family member can help a whole a lot. Isolation is your enemy.
Try giving the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) a call. They are pretty excellent, sensible, don't overreact and are experienced - you can call them more than once without explaining all over again, the only downside is they are so good you have to wait, others want them too.
An excellent app is BeyondNow, a plan that fits in your smartphone and you fill it in in advance with all sorts of things, not just emergency numbers. I have YouTube Clips, people to call, music, books I've enjoyed and all sorts of things.
It is here and free
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning
Actually I had help, it is difficult to think of what made you calm or happy or when down. My partner who knows me better than I do reminded me of all sorts of thing, and felt better herself being able to have a hand in looking after me
Beyond Blue has a lot more to say on the subject starting here
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/feeling-suicidal
Then if all else is too much dial 000 or go to your nearest hospital -no not ideal, but you will end up more safe. that avoiding them and will have another day
I was suicidal for other reasons and did try to take my life, now I am so glad I am here, I live giving and receiving love, giving and receiving support and take satisfaction in my accomplishments.
Please let us know how you are going
Croix
