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Can't take it anymore

Community Member

I have been married for 8 years to a man I loved for more than 3 years before marriage. From the very beginning of our marriage, he never liked my family because we are poor and unable to provide for dowry and jewellery for the wedding. I thought it was just a phase and it will be fine once I moved in with him. I moved from India to Australia with the promise of a better lifestyle leaving all my friends and family. Now I regret this as the worst decision of my life.  He started slowly isolating me from my friends and family. I got a small job within a few months in the same company as him and tried to help my parents in clearing my student debt and dowry debt. He immediately freaked out and forbid me from maintaining any contact with my family and friends. This was because he got me the job and the money is technically his and I cannot spend them on my family. I  still believed him and thought everything will be alright once we have kids. The actual trouble started from then as I insisted on both my parents come to Australia to help me with my child birth. The moment they came to our home, he started disrespecting them and started treating them like maids. During my daughter's 1st birthday,  in laws started demanding for wedding jewelry and property my parents owned. A big fight happened between my dad ,my inlaws and my husband.  I was forbid from maintaining any contact with them. Every bank transaction of mine were monitored. Finally It reached a point that he started spreading false stories about my parents. My parents lost their respect in the family and made them feel like culprits. My parents have disowned me now and I am also forbidden to attend their funerals.  I lost everything in my life with no support from friends and family. I am suicidal thoughts for about 3 months from now and tried discussing this with my husband but the reply I got from him was " let's get separated and then you go for suicide since you will no longer be my responsibility ". I realised I am just an insignificant part of his life who is an unpaid maid and nanny. I can't take it anymore. There is no Shoulder to cry on. He doesn't allow me access to a therapist.  I can't even contact a helpline as he was always monitoring me. The only thing holding me together is my daughter. If not for her I would be gone long ago

1 Reply 1

Community Member

Hi Sorrow_bird,


Thank you for your post and welcome to the forums. I can't imagine you're going through and what you've been through. It sounds like you've slowly been isolated over the years to the point where you now have no friend or family support. Please, if you're feeling suicidal or in any form of crisis you can contact 000, Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Beyond blue at any time https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor 


I understand that there are many south asian women who go through similar issues with what you're describing as well as dowry abuse. You don't have to face this alone and there are services that will support you. Here is some information about dowry abuse: https://www.wire.org.au/what-is-dowry-abuse/ 


The best service to go to would be 1800Respect which you can contact through 1800 737 732 or their website https://www.1800respect.org.au/ 


You don't deserve to be in the situation you are in. I hope this helps a bit. Keep us update please.