can't take it anymore

britishtvfan · ‎22-01-2023

i'm having such a hard time lately. i had some person in the uk who i thought was a good close friend of mine. there were so many red flags that i didn't see - they didn't show me what they looked like & when i politely asked them they kept making excuses like "so what if i am an old creepy man, it wouldn't make a difference?" & things like that. i get being insecure but she knew what i looked like. i knew her name & age but that's all. i started talking to her on a blogging website because we both liked rock & metal music, old british sitcoms/comedies etc. she was also a violent person as she told me she's beaten people up before in real life. & she shares what she calls "art" which is violent things of blood, people being hurt etc. i should've cut ties with her then. we had an argument because she told me she was going to be there on a certain day after christmas & then she sends me a message an hour before we talk (used to be 3am for me but then 4am because of daylight savings over there) & her message wasn't even apologetic, it was like she typed up some excuse & copied & pasted it to avoid me. i kept apologising to her & admitting my mistakes, trying to work things out for both of us. i liked talking to her because we had inside jokes, we talked about things in common, we roleplayed which i enjoyed (stuff like fanfiction, so we'd act as the characters in a show we both liked & do romance, funny stuff, drama, etc). it made me happy. she was threatening to me although she can't do anything. i'm so hurt & upset by this & i feel so stupid & regretful that i ever joined & talked to her. i can't afford therapy. idk if my meds are working. i just stay up late & sleep in late & my parents get annoyed with me, i understand why but i don't feel like doing anything like going out of the house anymore, i haven't for months, even when i was on good terms with her. she said good things about me like she doesn't want to lose me but she cut ties with me yesterday saying she wants nothing to do with me. accuses me of stuff i never said & did, calls me a narcissist, manipulative, & other hurtful things. i'm in a group online which is for mental health suffers worldwide of all ages trying to support each other in a friendly environment. but i post & they seem to get ignored, like my comments, even when i put trigger warnings. but everyone else's, even worse posts, get approved. i get they're busy. i get left on read & avoided by everyone. i wish i was never born.

britishtvfan · ‎27-01-2023

hi mmMekitty.

we were just good friends, not a relationship. i contacted her again, no replies and i haven't been blocked yet. i try not to share personal info either but i guess on other social media sites it's different.

i wish she'd give me another chance, i'm not trying to be pushy or suffocate her or anything bad. i just want the friendship to work for both of our sakes.

my dog seems better now, he didn't go to a vet, just had an upset stomach.

mmMekitty · ‎28-01-2023

Hi Tealflowers

That's great news about your dog. I'm so glad it wasn't serious.

Friendships are relationships too, One type of relationship. Another type of relationship is the one you have with your father. You have another type of relationship with your doctor. I had not intended to say there was anything more between the two of you. I'm sorry there was this misunderstanding.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

britishtvfan · ‎29-01-2023

it's okay mmMekitty, you didn't do anything wrong.

i messaged her a couple days ago explaining and trying to fix the friendship, sent her proof since she thinks i'm a liar, i'm not. she still hasn't replied and hasn't blocked me. idk if she's seen them as the site it's on doesn't tell you if they've read it.

i just want her forgiveness and to be friends again, for her sake and mine. she shared something of an actor we both like looking sad and with a blank look on their face, she said "mood". i know it's because of me, i said that to her, and i said we need to communicate. i sent her proof that professionals have said this too, except for my psychiatrist as i can't prove that as it's on video chat but i'm not lying to her.

britishtvfan · ‎29-01-2023

still haven't heard from her. i sent her some messages a few days ago on that site we talk on, i had to make another account. i'm not stalking or trying to harrass her or make her annoyed or anything bad. i'm trying to repair the friendship for both of our sakes. i miss her so much and i'm worried about her. she did say she didn't want anything to do with me and called me a liar, i've never lied to her and i have no reason to, and never would. idk if she said that in the heat of the moment or what. she shared something about an actor we both like, screenshots from a role he was in, with a sad blank looking expression on his face & she said "mood". i messaged her saying i feel the same & i hope we can work things out, i just want to talk things over, not argue anymore. it's been going on since december 23. i said & did things i shouldn't have from being hurt, confused & upset. maybe she did too, idk. she's been posting but on that site you can schedule/queue your posts for a certain time. idk if she's been online as she has the "show when you're active" thing off. it doesn't say if she's read my messages or not. she hasn't blocked me yet. idk if this is a good or bad thing. i only want to be her friend. i'm so confused & hurt & worried about her.

Croix · ‎29-01-2023

Dear Talya~

I might guess that by now if she wanted to get back in touch she would have. That is not necessarily a reason to be downhearted, there are umpteen reasons why a person stops conversing, and the chance are it is something in their own lives rather than you, so please don't either blame yourself or cling to hard to this probably ended realtionship, it makes life worse keeping on waiting for something that may never happen

I was pleased to see you other post and thing it would be a good move

Croix

britishtvfan · ‎30-01-2023

hi Croix, it's Tayla btw but i figured they were just typos so it's okay.

idk, she may not have been on that site but scheduling her posts like i said. it was odd though, some account messaged my friends (different person) instagram as i told her it was that friend messaging her not me although she thinks i'm a liar. then she gets a message on her instagram saying i think someone's impersonating my friend. that girl, my friend and i are the only ones that know about her username to talk to that girl on that site so it might be her. i asked my friend to message to see if it is. i have an instagram account but i don't use it, and i'd probably tell her on my account that it's me. so i guess we'll see if she replies to my friend.

i want this friendship to stay because we both enjoyed it, i'm just confused. we're both hurting and it isn't getting us anywhere.

Croix · ‎30-01-2023

Dear Tayla~

Sorry about that , I pick up a lot of typos in every post I make but did not see that one so it continued wiht every paste from the last post, no reflection on my regard for you, just me not getting things right:(

Frankly you have lost me, with talk of scheduled posts and a possible impersonation. I guess as this is the only forum I use that tends to leave me without familiarity how other things work. At least you can be sure there are no impersonations here, not unless someone else actually knows your username and password (or oyu leave your computer running unattended.) Actually I don't think I've ever read any post of yours here that did not have your personality on it, so I'm sure it's never happened.

It's a great pity the person who you sat comfortably with for role-playing is not answering. It can leave quite a big gap in life. I don't suppose the friend you mentioned today is interested?

I quite understand you would be happier if either I or someone else made that new British TV/Comedy thread, I'm afraid I'm not up to it. As you can (obviously ) see I'm making enough mistakes already and really need to spend even more time on what I'm doing now so important mistakes like that don't happen again.

I rather suspect if you are like me when I first started it is a matter of confidence, and if you are uncomfortable there is nothing wrong with shelving the idea, it's only meant to be for enjoyment after all.

Croix

britishtvfan · ‎30-01-2023

no worries Croix.

scheduled posts on this site mean you can schedule/queue the post so it will post at certain times. for example you can set it so it posts at 9AM, or just queue it so the site does it randomly for you. you can do this if you want to post but won't be online. impersonation i mean she said that my friend who messaged her (only trying to get things to work out between us) was being impersonated, like someone was pretending to be her. they weren't, it was my friend, not somebody else, who messaged the girl in the uk. so idk where she got that from, cause there's nobody impersonating anyone. i certainly would never pretend to be someone else & break the law in any way, neither would this friend who messaged her.

so what i'm saying is this girl in the uk messaged my friend saying she thinks someone is impersonating her. my friend said no it was her & no one is impersonating her. waiting to hear back from her to see if it is the girl in the uk. i haven't heard anything from her on the site i talked to her on, haven't been blocked yet either. so i mean maybe she's just been scheduling posts but hasn't been online. normally she would've replied by now & snapped at me.

maybe she said things out of hurt & anger like i did, idk really. no the friend who messaged her isn't interested, we do talk about things like AYBS & Y(P)M & DF, but not like roleplaying. it was a coping mechanism for me i guess, idk.

you didn't mke any mistakes Croix it's okay. i might make a thread about that later, we'll see.

britishtvfan · ‎31-01-2023

i'm feeling quite miserable, confused & whatnot over all of this. i assume it was her (the girl in the UK) that messaged my friend on Instagram, as she sent her screenshots of the chat, which was my friend all along, not me. i would never pretend to be someone else let alone a friend of mine. my friend replies to her saying no one was impersonating her & that it was her all along, sent proof, was polite to her trying to work things out with us. that was on Jan 21. she still hasn't replied to her Instagram messages, idk if she's seen them as i don't think Instagram has a feature where you can see if your messages have been read or not, the site that i talked to the girl in the UK originally doesn't. i still haven't heard from her myself & haven't been blocked but she keeps posting, i think she's scheduling/queuing her posts though to post at certain times of the day/night. it's not fair. she said good things about me when were on good terms. i guess she was lying & never felt that way about me. idk what to believe. i'm still worried something's happened to her regardless. idk what to do.

Croix · ‎31-01-2023

Dear Tayla~

Well, I'm glad you were kind about my typo. And also thanks for the explanation. I know I can tell Outlook to send emails at a particular time and day, but did not realise you could do it in some forums too.

Also if this person thinks thay may have been impersonated it may be her memory is patchy and genuinely does not remember everything she wrote. This can happen of course. I can put down my phone and not find it, even had to ring it from another phone before now and only when I trace it by the ringing do I remeber 'oh yes, I did put it htere'. It's only one step from that to not remembering at all

I'm pleased your friend likes AYBS the same as you. I always appreciate "young" Mr Grace waving his walking stick and and saying "You've all done very well"

Now I must be having another mental blank, I can't remember a show with the initials DF. I'm sure when you remind me I'm be amazed how obvious it was:).

Incidentally I read you comments (Ta) and agree that Mmekitty is pretty good (but don't tell her)!

Croix