Partnership challenges

50_shades_of_neurodivergent · ‎18-07-2023

I am a married person with a toddler in my early thirties. I have been through mental health issues and this still impacts my family to some extent. I can understand that it must be challenging for my partner too. But I have been hurting a lot recently due to their lack of attention to what I’m constantly going through, lack of proper communication and showing that they care for me. I feel that they try to avoid conversations if it gets to a challenging topic and like to believe that everything will sort itself out. I often feel frustrated trying to explain myself, asserting my emotional needs, and just being heard or seen at times. I have started hating this attachment and how I don’t see an end to this. I have never really attempted suicide, but have felt like I want to stop existing at times which is highly disturbing. I put that in words so my partner might try and reach out a bit more and maybe he does but honestly, it is just getting more and more frustrating. I am so sick of hurting and crying so much and haring myself for not being strong enough or independent enough. I don’t feel like I can explain myself to anyone anymore which is starting to affect my day to day functioning in a subtle manner. I am so torn between emotions and I just want to talk to someone who cares.

Bob_22 · ‎19-07-2023

Hi 50_shades_of_neurodivergent,

Love the name. Welcome to the forums!

I hope you find this as a place you can talk and offload anything that is on your chest. We are a very supportive and non-judgmental community. I'm sorry to hear about your relationship struggles. It sounds like there is alot on your plate with your toddler and mental health issues on top of that.

Please know that if you ever need to speak to someone over the phone or are in crisis you can always call the counsellors here at beyond blue by going here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor

It terms of your relationship it sounds like you are doing everything you can with expressing your needs and starting conversations. I'm not an expert in communication, especially in relationships, but I would recommend reaching out to a counsellor or psychologist for this. They are trained specifically around communication techniques and have taught me alot in the past. This infographic is just a small example of some of the things you could learn: https://thiswayup.org.au/five-effective-ways-to-express-your-needs-infographic/

I'm sorry I can't be of much more help. Please update us on how you go and if anything I hope you find this forum a good place to debrief and be heard.

Bob

therising · ‎20-07-2023

Hi 50_shades_of_neurodivergent

I feel so much for you as you try so hard to express your thoughts, perception, feelings and so much more to people in your life, with little in the way of the response that would make a positive difference to you. So incredibly hard when those we come to rely on the most either can't relate or won't relate for one reason or another.

Personally, I'm a gal who just loves deeply feeling people, people sensitive enough to the point where they can sense a lot of the feelings or emotions in a situation. While it's an incredible thing to be able to deeply sense the love a couple has for each other when they're standing up there getting married or when a baby's born and a sense of new life fills the room, to be able to sense everything that's depressing or anxiety inducing would have to be the dark side of being able to feel or sense so much.

May sound strange but, from personal experience, I would have to say depression is something that is filled with a sense of wonder. All the times I've wondered 'What's wrong with me? Why do I feel the way I do? What am I actually feeling (also known at times as the need to pull apart a bunch of mixed emotions, to make sense of each one)? Why will no one wonder with me?' and the wonder filled list goes on and on. That last one is definitely a big factor, 'Why will no one wonder with me?'. We can be surrounded by dozens of people in our life who genuinely care about us but just won't wonder to the extent we really need them to. To have wonderful brain stormers in our life, who will sit and wonder with us all the way through to answers and revelations is what makes all the difference in some cases. What we don't want to hear is 'You'll be right', without a way to make it right, or 'You just need to stop over analysing and get on with things' (hard to do when you're trying to productively analyse the hell out of life, while desperately trying to find some sense of heaven on earth). comments. There are so many typical comments from people who won't wonder with us.

'Being left alone to face challenges, while standing at crossroads with no sense of direction' has a definite feel to it. While it's one of my least favourite and most depressing feelings, at the same time it signifies the opportunity for a new direction. What we name that new path is up to us. Could it be 'The path of greater self understanding/investigation/self development' or 'The path of bringing the challenger in me to life more (that part that challenges people to step up far more than what they do)' or could it be 'The path of re-turning or turning again to the perspective of a toddler' (where life is more full of a simple sense of wonder, adventure, awe, imagination, sensitivity/feeling and ways of self soothing etc)'? When life's challenges have a way of dismembering us and who we once naturally were, a toddler makes a great teacher in ways of re-membering our self (putting our self back together in some way).

Sometimes one of the hardest things to do in life is name the path we need to take while standing at the crossroads of potential change.

smallwolf · ‎20-07-2023

hello and welcome.

I'm really sorry to hear about the difficult journey you're going through. It must be overwhelming having to deal with mental health issues while also managing the responsibilities of being a married person with a toddler, and a parner that does not seem to care. It's understandable that you empathize with your partner's perspective, considering the impact it may have on them as well. But I also feel they should be able to listen to your needs and support you.

Feeling unheard and unseen can be incredibly disheartening, especially when you're trying to communicate your emotional needs. It's tough to cope with the frustration that arises when conversations become difficult, especially when it seems your partner seems to be avoiding addressing the issues at hand?

I wonder if there is anyone you feel that you can trust who you could talk to... perhaps someone in your family, or friend? Seeking professional help might be a possibility - if you have feeling you "top existing at times".

Reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness, and if you want to chat some more here i am listening.