Bipolar depression problems

[Xraychick]

Hi all, I have gone through a number of bouts of depression and hypomania over the last few months which is believed to be an underlying bipolar 2 which has been caused to emerge when I restarted my antidepressants.


I had the worst depression ever about a month ago but with an addition of an antipsychotic plus an increase in a mood stabliser I seem to have finally come out the other side of it. However, I feel as though I am settling into the mood stabliser dose and I can feel the depression edging back. It feels so good to have life almost back to normal, so I am very hesitant to mention anything to my family, because as soon as I do, I am no longer really able to drive, work, get out and just be where I am at right now.


During my last depression I was lucky to survive, but I had said to my mum, if my mood gets like this again, I am not making it through, this will be it. Last time there was an overwhelming feeling as if it was just my time to die in life and that it is so much easier than the recovery process. While my mood improved I still believed within that any drops in mood and this would be it.


Right now my mood is fine, yet after a tiny bit of stress, I am already planning how to end things.


I don’t know what to do and I guess I’m confused how I can feel fine but not want to live as much

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

We are not qualified medical people, indeed, peer advisors with experience.

I'm bipolar 2, experienced your symptoms and the adjustment of mood stabilizers and anti depressants.

This is what I found out-

- that there is a sweet spot with mood stabilizers. Too much and it was as bad as not enough.

- that while taking mood stabilizers, too much anti depressants can make you manic.

- that many years ago my brother took his life, my sister and I attempted. I have the attitude now to never give up. It would hurt others I love and there could be other meds that might have a more positive effect.

- there could be an extra illness with you undiagnosed. With me it was dysthymia. Quite a revelation.

- stress? Yes it's our greatest enemy. Years ago we moved to the country town. We also rearranged our finances like doing direct debit on bills and a savings plan. I also eliminated toxic people from my life.

- I now have voluntary work (here) as well as hobbies, follow footy etc but stay clear of clubs , anywhere that bickering fumes.

I hope I've helped. Reply anytime. You sound interesting.

TonyWK

[Sophie_M]

Hey Xraychick, thanks for reaching out to this community. We understand it can be tough to post for the first time, so we are grateful you decided to reach out. We're so sorry to hear that you are considering suicide. We understand that having dramatic fluctuations in mood must be overwhelming. We are getting in touch to offer some extra support. We would strongly recommend that you get in touch with Kids Helpline - https://kidshelpline.com.au/  It might help to talk it out whenever you're feeling overwhelmed. Kids Helpline counsellors can be contacted 24/7 by young people 25 and under via telephone and also via webchat if you go through the website provided. Headspace is another organisation we would recommend, they are specifically for young people aged 12-25 and they offer a wide range of services including counselling and group programs. They also have a group chat on their webpage - https://headspace.org.au/ Many of our members will understand and may be able to help. If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help support you.