Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section

replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

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Looking for help

replies: 1

First time poster. I am really struggling today. I suffer from a neuromuscular disorder which has me in constant pain and always moving along with severe anxiety issues. Added to that the inability to work is just soul crushing. I am a failure to everyone I love. I have tried my mental health plans. I went to my GP for help. His answer was there is a difference between having a disability and just being sick. I am a drain on everyone and everything around me. In my mind I just want to stop being. No more personal pain. No more fear. No more disappointment. I know it can been seen as the cowards way out but I am just lost.

Im slipping again

replies: 1

Things in my life have been relatively good recently and I’m very lucky. My family cares for me a lot we have enough money for medical support for me, I have an amazing psychologist, a have a couple of friends and I don’t have to hide being trans anymore. i mean school still sucks and I can’t break free from having to achieve so much academically and I’m still not great mentally but I have so much that so many people don’t have so why do I feel like this? I hate myself, I hate myself so much I hate how I look I hate who I am and I just want to be happy, why can’t I be happy? I don’t understand what could possibly keep me from happiness when I have so much. Every time I look at myself I feel disgusted and ashamed and guilty, I’ve destroyed my body. And every time I see myself I just want to destroy it further. For a while I was in a cycle of SH every day (not badly though) I couldn’t stop and I was sort of scared to stop and then I broke the cycle and I felt okay for a good few months. And now I’ts not daily but I’m back to feeling like a need it to keep me afloat. I don’t know what to do i can’t make a single decision for myself and im so angry with myself all the time. I can’t stop thinking about starting testosterone I want to be happy so badly, I want to feel good about myself but my stupid brain keeps jumping to the worst of everything. Im afraid im not ready, im afraid people will see me differently, im afraid in the end I won’t even feel any better about myself but most of all im afraid I’ll never be able to make the decision and spend my entire life living like this. I am so tired of living like this. I just want to like who I am, I don’t need to love my body I just want to be free from this brain. I want to hurt, I want to hurt so badly. Im not suicidal anymore I want to be alive but I can’t stop thinking about death I can’t stop thinking about being free from all of this stress. I feel so hopeless I don’t know what to do with myself, I don’t want to keep living like this but I don’t know how

Having a relapse

replies: 2

Hi Everyone,I’ve been doing a lot of trauma recovery work in recent months and until yesterday it was going much better but unfortunately had a trigger and the last 24 hours have been a disaster. Have used alcohol and medication to cope and feel like I am back where I started. So frustrating.Has anyone else had a similar experience and what did you do to get back on track? I feel I’ve completely lost control in just 1 day. Thanks.

Intrusive suicidal ideation… How do you stop the thoughts?

replies: 2

Hi. I’m a 37yo medically retired nurse with cPTSD and a chronic neuropathic pain condition. I have an amazing team of clinicians but I seem to be getting worse. Currently completely lost and waiting on a bed at a psych clinic, in part to start a new type of antidepressant and mood stabilizer. I truly believe my husband and family would be better off without me, I’m a burden that they do not need. Only thing stopping me is that my parents have already lost one child already and I don’t know if I can do it to them. My brain takes snapshots of anything I see related to ending my life. Instead of just one plan, I now have six well thought out plans and they run through my head like a movie and I’m the viewer watching myself die again and again. My family has no idea about my SI, my husband knows very little and doesn’t really ask questions- I think he’s possibly afraid of the answers. I only leave my house for appointments and I only leave my bed when necessary. I don’t have a life so what’s the point in continuing?

Can’t remember a time I didn't want to die.

replies: 1

I have never wanted to be alive. All my life I have planned to die by suicide. I will definitely die from suicide, I am just not sure exactly when. The only reason I havnt done it yet is because I am a single parent and if I die there is no one to look after my children. I plan to die once my youngest is in their early 20’s, I have a plan and take comfort in this. I know it will hurt my children no matter what age they are when I die. But the most I can give them is bringing them up and helping them become independent. Once that is done, I am going. I resent the children for keeping me alive, sometimes I think it could be better for them if I died now, but I know if I do they will likely go into the foster system, so maybe an unhappy, resentful suicidal parent is better then that, I truly dont know. How can I keep going on in the time I have before I die? Every day, every minute is hell for me, I scream in agony from morning till night, is there something I can do to get thru the next few years? When I wake up alive it ruins my day and I am angry all day until night comes. I feel like all the other people are idiots for wanting to live. All people are bad, even the good ones.

SH is the only way to feel anything ekse

replies: 1

Lots of things coming together, or rather apart right now. I'm really trying not to sh but I did again last night. I've tried exercising until it hurts but it isn't the same. It's not the flashing ache of pain like other self harm, it's more like a dull headache. I'm sure many other people struggle on Valentine's Day. I went to my support group the day before and basically learned that everyone there had never had a successful marriage; that being it was full of abuse, trauma, toxicity, etc. That somewhat reminded me that I'm just... Doomed, I guess. I met a young woman I got along quite well with last year. She claimed to be a lesbian initially, but she has gone back to dating men, which made me feel lied to and like she couldn't be honest with either her rejection or me. To top it all, despite me getting out of a bad relationship quite recently, throughout the day she sent me multiple pictures of herself out with her date having fun. We both have ASD but surely this can't be that ignorant. On one hand I want to be happy for my friend, on the other, it feels like she is trying to make me feel this way. I wrote a bunch of music, the only productive thing I've done. It's all terrible. All I can think about is killing myself and that, and how inadequate I am and that if I was deserving of life things wouldn't be like this. Not planning on taking my life. Just thinking about being dead a lot. Suicidal thoughts, not intent. I thought writing this would make me feel better, but it didn't. But now I've done it so I may as well post it. Something to distract from the void.

I find it weird that not everyone thinks about killing themself

replies: 2

It doesn’t make sense to me how some ppl just don’t think about killing themself. Like I’ve felt like this since I was 9. I started self harming when I was 9. My first attempt was when I was 12, waking up the next morning made my heart sink. I’m jeal... View more

Recovery from suicide attempt - it can be done

replies: 74

Hi everyone I wanted to post something positive about how recovery from being suicidal can happen. I am a first timer. I’ve had episodes of depression but don’t usually go deep enough to be suicidal. My heart goes out to all of you and your mental health struggles. Bipolar runs in my family. Mum was a hospital admission last year and sadly, is now a resident in aged care. My 32 yr old son has autism and bipolar 2. My story is one of a battle with depression while supporting Mum (My older brother and I worked together) in hospital and Dad - who has Alzheimers- at home. Both are in their 80s. I was suicidal a year ago and made plans - but had a powerful spiritual experience and didn’t follow through. My naturopath helped me to sort the many Imbalances in my body and I recovered - for a time. Dad followed Mum into care in January and my brother and I sold their house. I then found myself being drawn into being a caregiver for Mum when I was already exhausted and struggling. Suicidal thoughts crept in but I pushed them away. I just tried to keep going - until I couldn’t. One sleepless night, I attempted …..My husband took me to the ED… I was offered mental health support and I accepted. I was in a daze. This was 4 months ago. I was diagnosed with caregiver burnout.I had five sessions with a psychologist, two with a psychiatrist- all from Monash Health and Medicare funded - and found myself doing a lot better. I’m now seeing a private psychologist and have improved even further. My son is almost my fully transitioned into supported accommodation and I am learning to deal with the things that wore me down. Very few people know what I did. I haven’t felt ready to tell them. But my whole outlook has changed. Getting help and being prepared to face my demons is what has changed me. I’m not good at asking for help. I’m better at helping others. I’m actually working on that in therapy. My message to you all is,- don’t be afraid to ask for help. Don’t be afraid to open up and let people in. They can’t help you if they don’t know you are in pain. If you don’t like the health professional you are seeing, ask to see someone else. A good relationship with that person is paramount. Therapy won’t work if you don’t trust them. Most of all, trust that you have it in yourself to overcome this. Your life IS worth living. People DO care. You just have to let them in.

Not feeling ok at the moment

replies: 38

I just need to write down how I’m feeling. I’m exhausted and in pain. I have overwhelming grief recurring that I thought I’d begun to heal from. I’m very dissociated. I know that’s my body trying to protect me from overwhelm. Was seeing someone this week about starting voluntary work (possibly a stepping stone back into workforce). But feel like my body is screaming at me that it’s not ok and can only rest. It’s like I was oversaturated with stress for too many years and I have nothing left. It take’s phenomenal energy to use the small part of me that’s still functioning to interact with others. I manage to convey outwardly that I’m fine and come across as positive and competent even though internally I’m breaking at the moment. I cannot tolerate abusive or exploitative relationships anymore. Putting boundaries up to protect myself, but somehow that triggers more grief linked to past issues even though it’s necessary to establish those boundaries. I had side effects from a med badly flaring one of the autoimmune conditions I have, so came off it. This has triggered other undesirable effects that are potentially serious so have gone back on it. I’ve spent decades now, since childhood, managing chronic pain and health conditions. I’ve always been relentlessly positive, but that is starting to fail. Angry too about denial of abuse in my extended family - the way perpetrators were protected and the reality and impact of abuse denied. This continues. I can’t stand it anymore. Although thoughts of death are there for me almost daily at the moment, I think a will to live in me is stronger. The thoughts are just my mind-body not wanting to struggle anymore.

Worried about my husband

replies: 2

My husband has been under a lot of pressure at work over the past year. I've been really worried & have been flagging burnout/depression with his for months. In early December it's like a switch flicked - he stopped engaging, especially with me - still interacting as needed at work. At home, he just shuts down. He's also had a few binge drinking sessions with friends (he's in mid 50's) but aside from that doesn't drink much. I finally convinced him to go see a Dr & is two weeks into antidepressants. I found out a few days ago that a few days prior to the Drs appt he had planned to a suicide attempt but didn't follow through - he volunteered this information to me but now won't talk about it. He said it won't happen again. He says that he told the Dr, but I'm unsure as he insists on going to appts on his own. I'm afraid, and not sure what to do. We had a good relationship before this, ups and downs of course but primarily good. How do I make sure he knows I'm here for him without smothering him and creating additional anxiety? How do I make sure that the Dr knows what has happened? I'm struggling to manage my own feelings with this and neither of us is sleeping well. I guess I'm also trying to understand how to make things worse.

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 97

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section replies: 0

Looking for help replies: 1

Im slipping again replies: 1

Having a relapse replies: 2

Intrusive suicidal ideation… How do you stop the thoughts? replies: 2

Can’t remember a time I didn't want to die. replies: 1

SH is the only way to feel anything ekse replies: 1

I find it weird that not everyone thinks about killing themself replies: 2

Recovery from suicide attempt - it can be done replies: 74

Not feeling ok at the moment replies: 38

Worried about my husband replies: 2