asking for help when i’m suicidal and telling me to just calm down. ***Trigger warning - Sexual Assault***

[Izzy_P_5]

hey everyone i’m izzy i’m 16 at the moment i’m currently doing vcal in year 11 i tried vce but it was too much on my mental health. i havnt been at school since 2019 and now i’m getting thrown into year 11 this year.

This is my story.

in 2016, i was in grade 6. there was an incident at the school which resulted in a school lockdown of around 5-6 hours. We had no food because our lunches where in another building. A lot of kids were crying and passing out including me. Eventually we were escorted out and taken to get our bags from our classroom and go into the junior building were they had labelled the classrooms in alphabetical order and if you had siblings. i found my little sister who was in year 2 who was 7 at the time. We were in such a large room and it was so terrifying. After my mum had picked us up she took us home and let and behold there was a huge fire across from my house. Ever since then i developed ocd and anxiety when i was 11-12 in 2016. My anxiety has always been with me since. it wasn’t as bad in year 7 but i still had to see a school counsellor. Year 8 at the end is where it all went down hill i stopped eating and developed an eating disorder and became anorexic. I gained the weight back and i hate myself so much now like looking back on the photos i was so pretty and skinny. Year 9 in 2019 is when i developed panic disorder and i would have constant panic attacks at school and home and i would have to get picked up from school constantly and leave class. People would judge me and tell me i was faking. my panic attacks would be so bad i sat in the coordinators office and wouldn’t catch the bus home. My lips would vibrate and i would be dizzy and nearly pass out. I eventually stopped going to school and just never went back. i went into modeling for a shoot and it was okay but they said to come back when i had matured. Throughout 2019-2020 i tried a specialist school for anxiety after not being at school for like 5 months. that’s where i met my ex boyfriend i wasn’t at the school for long. i then tried online school and it was good at the start and then i wanted to go to normal school but now that i’m back at normal school i hate it.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Izzy

Thank you for sharing. We are so sorry to hear about your experiences so far as they sound awful. It's really unfortunate that you are experiencing quite severe anxiety and eating issues. We are happy to hear that you have gained the weight back but are sorry to hear that you still hate your body. It must feel so bad to feel judged and to have people think that you are faking. We're glad you joined our community here as our community is filled with lots of supportive, caring and understanding people. This is a safe space for you to continue to post and seek support should you need it.

Good on you for trying to get back to school. We're sorry to hear that you're hating it upon your return. We hope that it gets better for you. 

If you haven't already, we encourage you to seek one-on-one, professional support to address some of the feelings and symptoms you're experiencing. There are many options available to you. If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. 

Sending you endless warmth and support. 

[Aaronsis]

Welcome Izzy

I am so proud of you for sharing your story here, for reaching out and at 16 to know that there are places like this where you can come to get some support and some comfort and some conversation around what is going on for you and how you are feeling.

I would like to start by saying that my son is currently doing VCAL as well, while I am so happy that the focus on this course is practical and sets the learning up for career and task based learning, that it is less academic that VCE and hopefully less pressure, I feel that this time in a young persons life is pretty stressful in all.

WOW, the school lockdown, I felt anxiety just reading your recollection of that day. I understand that they have these in place to protect you and your safety when things go wrong, I do think though that there does need to be some work in this area as my daughter had an experience with this also. Things like non perishable food tubs so that in the event that you are there for so long that kids can eat and feel ok. I am just so sorry that you had to go through this and that you saw your friends struggle too, so horrific really.

So just when you think the day cannot get worse you are faced with a fire, this really turned into a traumatic day for you Izzy and I am just so sorry that you have been left with emotional damage from these events. I would like to say though how well you do communicate these thoughts and feelings and how well you can express the events of the day and how they impacted you, being able to talk this out and express these like you can is a really great start to getting some support in this space and being able to start healing from these events.

I am so proud of you for accepting the challenge to go back to "normal" school after leaving and being in another learning facility, this is so brave and I am proud you are seeking to address your education and to get that back on track. I can hear you, you hate it, it is not easy being at school as you know. I am wondering if this school is a new school or if you are back at your original school in which you left? I ask that from a point of view of familiar faces or even faces that may trigger or upset you.

I would really like to chat some more to you and find out how you are today and how things have been for you since you posted here, if you even feel some relief from sharing and getting these feelings out?

I am so proud of you Izzy

Huge hugs

Sarah xx

[Izzy_P_5]

you don’t understand how nice it is to hear that from someone.

i was also sexually assaulted and manipulated for 11 months. I broke the relationship up in 2020. from then on he stalked me, police found photos of me on his phone when i was 15 (he was 18) and i was naked they were non consenual.

he was charged with possession of child pornography, stalking and i could’ve taken him to courts for the r word but i was too scared.

a lot had happened to me and it’s hard to deal with. i recently found out one of the main reasons my parents got divorced when i was 7.

my mum use to always go missing and we would find her with the police in a bush town i won’t name in reginal vic. well now one of the reasons they broke up.

my mum cheated on my dad with a criminal (my dads a cop for info) she took me and my 2 siblings to his little tent in the middle of the bush. little did we know she was sleeping with him and at the time we and my dsd didn’t know the crimes he had committed. he was a serious criminal. my mum then got pregnant with his kid and got an abortion. my poor dad wanted to work things out coz he didn’t want his kids to come from a broken family.

my mum is also an alcoholic. me and her have had many issues so many fights and occasions when i called 000 and then hung up. it includes being violent and screaming and crying. she tried to end her life. i was told for a few years it was coz she was drunk but no she tried to unalive herself.

i’ve been arrested for attempted suicide and i’ve been admitted to psych wards multiple times.

also it’s a different school.

thank u both for replying

[Sophie_M]

Hey Izzy P 5,

We are incredibly sorry to hear about what you have been through, it sounds like you have endured so much and we and are grateful that you've taken such an important step in reaching out here. Please know that you are strong and you are valuable. You don't have to do this alone. Our community is here for you. We are also currently reaching out to you via email to check in and offer some extra support through this.

We can hear that this is a really tough time for you and you're wanting to heal emotionally. We would strongly urge that you contact 1800RESPECT. They offer confidential information, counselling and support 24/7 for people impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse. The lovely supportive counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice to support to those who have been through trauma like this. You can contact them anytime on 1800 737 732 or also through webchat here: https://www.1800respect.org.au/ ​​​​​​​

Our friends at Kids Helpline are also another really great support, and they offer confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. You can reach out to them anytime, 24/7 on 1800 55 1800, or through their webchat if you'd feel more comfortable chatting online: https://kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling

We hope that you can find some comfort in the forums and  feel free to keep us updated here on your thread throughout your journey.